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Original poster

am i the "mad one" for expecting a thank you card???

50 replies

taytotayto · 01/04/2012 21:08

i dont have birthday parties for my children but thats another story but i do allow them to attend parties if they get invited. i always make sure they take a present but having attended about 10 in the last two years ive only ever received one thank you note.
so......are the presents im giving crap? or is it now the norm that no one sends thank you cards any more. what annoys me is these people think they are so much better than me (dont ask) and yet ive always made my children send thank you notes when they get family gifts. im now thinking of stopping my children from going to any more parties but my husband says they shouldnt miss out because of the parents. or should i send them with their hands hanging???

OP posts:
QIelf · 01/04/2012 21:25

thank you cards are rare, especially for school parties

you might not like it but it's churlish to stop your children going to parties, not to mention rude to the birthday child

your dh is right

Coconutty · 01/04/2012 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrinityRhino · 01/04/2012 21:26

You're the mad one

Journey · 01/04/2012 21:34

Thank you notes are the norm at my DCs school. I'd probably say 90% of the parties my DCs have been to we've got a thank you note.

defineme · 01/04/2012 21:36

You obviously hate the people in your area/parents from school, but I wouldn't punish your kids by stopping them going to parties.
I think it's nice when I receive a thank you, but don't care if I don't. I certainly don't take it as a judgement on the hastily bought colouring book/lego thing I've bought. The only people I'd be surprised about would be my friends and then it's usually a text or face to face.
I'm sure there are bigger issues in your life to be cross about and I would save your energy for those.
You're obviously full of anger about the people you're talking about, I have no idea if that's justified or not,but I do know that's it's not good for your well being and the people you love if you are and that you need to find some way of moving on/letting go.

Greeata · 01/04/2012 21:39

Didn't the children say thank you when your dc gave them the gift?

JasperJohns · 01/04/2012 21:41

I make mine do thank you cards but I have just found 2 that ds wrote out 2 weeks ago languishing in his school bag.

I couldn't care less if he gets one or not, following a party - having said that, I'd say he almost always gets one.

Stopping your kids going to parties over this would be bonkers. And mean.

freeforall · 01/04/2012 21:48

Thank you cards are for people you haven't "said" thank you to. So DS1 thanked Granny when she handed him her present, no card, DSis sent hers (via Amazon, excellent gift service BTW) so he needs to send her a card.

At his party he thanked the children when they gave him the gifts, so no notes.

Sounds like you want to be annoyed with these people TBH

catsareevil · 01/04/2012 21:51

Thank you cards are normal at my DDs school, maybe it depends on where you live?

exoticfruits · 01/04/2012 21:54

You are the mad one!
It is much nicer to have small parties-unwrap the present in front of the giver and say thank you.
If you have one of these large scale ones, where they go in a black bag to be opened later, do you really want one that the mother has done on the computer 'Dear Lucy, thank for x, I will enjoy playing with it. I hope that you enjoyed my party. love Anna?
If you are lucky Anna has signed her name but she hasn't a clue who gave what and Lucy thinks the whole thing boring and doesn't bother to read it! Or do you want poor Anna to hand write 29 letters plus the ones to her relations?

fishyfairy · 01/04/2012 21:56

I'm always a little disappointed when I don't receive a thank you card, but accept that it's the way things are going these days

I think that it would be sad for your DC to miss out on parties, but you could do a good passive-aggressive attack of sending thank yous for having the children to the party thus highlighting that they haven't sent thank yous for the gifts if you're that bothered.

Eggrules · 01/04/2012 21:57

LO says thank you to birthday child at the end of the party. Present is a thank you for the invitation. I text a thank you for the party invitation and present to the parent.

Maybe it's rude of you to attend but never host parties?

Send thank you cards for people don't give presents in person.

exoticfruits · 01/04/2012 22:01

Just say thank you at the time.

Original poster
taytotayto · 02/04/2012 10:38

very honest answers which i admire ...... can i ask as parents do you expect a minimum spend on presents from parents. would you be annoyed if your child got cheap present. i suppose what im trying to say is do you expect people to bring presents to a birthday party and if so do you mind how much they spend. ive always spent about £10 per party but my friends think this is too much to spend on a child we only see at nursery.

OP posts:
Original poster
taytotayto · 02/04/2012 10:41

to be honest id perfer not to go but i feel i cant win. if i dont go im selfish then im selfish if i do go so what am i to do. please advise eggrules.

OP posts:
JasperJohns · 02/04/2012 10:52

I spend about £10, maybe a bit more. I would never expect a minimum spend, however and of course, would not be annoyed! My ds has a friend who always gives something like a cake he has made; I think it's really lovely and thoughtful.

For our y5 children we have been having collections for a couple of years. So one parent will collect £10 each from all the others. This is v popular with the kids and parents alike as it's easier and the child gets to choose something decent.

SuePurblybilt · 02/04/2012 10:56

They're the norm here too but I wouldn't take it personally.

MerryMarigold · 02/04/2012 10:56

I don't expect a Thankyou. If I get one, it's nice. I think when kids get older they tend to write them themselves ie. one little boy we went to his 5th and got no thankyou, but for his 6th he wrote everyone a proper note as he could write by then (he's a Sept bday). I usually spend 5-10 pounds (less for lesser known friends/big party and more for a special friend/ small party, only a few friends).

Original poster
taytotayto · 02/04/2012 10:57

for the record i honestly dont hate anyone defineme. im just mad and expect too much from people. end of!!!!

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 02/04/2012 17:37

I don't send thank you cards, but then again I generally make it clear that i don't expect people to bring presents either unless they really want to. I don't care if someone sends a thank you note after the event, thanks at the time is good enough and it saves some trees too.

Original poster
taytotayto · 03/04/2012 12:25

why so quiet defineme.......know all know all.

OP posts:
shineypenny · 03/04/2012 12:34

Thank you cards are the norm where we are. It doesn't have to be a chore. We normally knock something up on the computer which includes a photo of all the children taken at the party, a little thank you note, print them off and then the only writing involved is signing them. The dcs love making them, they are learning ict skills and also the good manners that if someone has gone to the effort to buy you a gift, you should make an effort to say thank you.

shineypenny · 03/04/2012 12:40

I do not expect a child to bring a present at all. Some families simply cannot afford it. The dc invite their friends because they want them to share their party, not because they expect a gift. I would be horrified to think a child turned down an invitation because they couldn't afford a gift. We have had children come to dcs parties in the past with just a card and it is not a problem and dcs did not ask me why there was no gift, they are just happy to have their friend at their party.

crustyonion · 03/04/2012 12:45

I don't expect a card, but I do expect a thank you. I have friends with 2 DDs and I have bought both a birthday present every year. Some presents have been given at their parties (big party, present opened later) and they or their parents said thank you when it was handed over. The last two were posted, and there wasn't so much as a text. I actually texted the friend to ask if it arrived and got "yes it did" back. I got a bit grumpy then. The present was something they suggested I buy, so not an unsuitable gift. Hmm

molly3478 · 03/04/2012 12:54

I have never known anyone that spends a tenner on childrens birthday parties as I think that would be seen as extravagent. However we do thank you cards and I have often recieved them back from parties. If we dont then it wouldnt bother me at all because they say thank you at the time.