Should I write and apologise for a misdemeanour from 25 years ago?

[habbibu]

When I was in my early teens I had a penpal from Grenada. She was really nice, and we wrote to each other quite a lot. She sang in a choir, which was given the chance to tour in Britain, and would be coming to my home town, and so naturally she asked if we could meet up. I'm pretty sure I must have replied enthusiatically on paper, but when the day came and she phoned I froze up and refused to go. I don't know why my parents didn't make me - I wish they had, as it's haunted me from time to time ever since - it was just so rude. Naturally, we lost touch after that!

Anyway, I think I've come across her again - searching for something else, I came across a name and face I recognised, plus an email address (academic/work related). Part of me thinks I should drop her a line saying "I'm really sorry, I was an absolute arse" and part of me thinks "It was YEARS ago - she'll think you're a weird stalkery tosser". I am, naturally, overthinking this.

WWYD, panel?

I'd do it

At worst she'll not respond, at best, you'll have a laugh about it.

I don't think you need to feel that you were an arse because like you say, your parents should have made you go. You were just a child so forgive yourself! And don't contact her, you will look stalkerish!

I'd get in touch

Argh. I'm looking for consensus, people! I know I was only young, just one of those strange cringey things that stick in the mind.

I would like to think I would get in touch.

I was also stood up by a penpal years ago, and still to this day wonder wtf I did wrong!?

I would get in touch

I would definitely email. Say you regret not meeting up and want to apologise for being so silly. You have thought about her over the years and would love to hear how she is, but totally understands if she doesn't want to know.

If you do nothing you still get to feel shit.

If you email and she is happy you might gain a friend.

If you email and she ignores/tells you to bog off at least you tried.

Do it - you'll feel better. She'll either not respond, in which case you've lost nothing, or she'll get in touch, in which case you've gained something :)

Ooh, much more consensus now. Just looked her up again - she's seriously impressive - big in her field, v cool. wow.

Do it!
You'll only regret not doing it, as well as regretting what happened when you were young and where's the sense in that? You've nothing to lose.

Right, thanks all. Yes, I think I'll go ahead, and risk the stalker thing...

definitely do it!! and let us know how it goes.

Yeah, do it. Let us know! :)

FWIW I would keep the message to apologising for being daft rather than gushing about how well she has done in case she thinks you want something from her.

Get in touch. You'll feel better. She can only ignore your email and if she does then you can move on.
I did something similar (got in touch with an old boyfriend friend). To this day I'm still pleased that I did.

Oh, god yes, fabwoman.

Although in fairness it's cool NGO type stuff, so there isn't technically that much I could ask for!

Surely it's normal to get things wrong in your teens? It doesn't sound too un-teenish at all. I wouldn't get back in touch only to solemnly apologise though, I'm sure she will by now have put it down to erratic teenage behaviour and not hold it against you! But if you want to just send her a breezy "hi" I don't see why not.