had anyone got any texts jokes?

[biglips]

as ive got one

Man gets up one morning to find his
dyslexic wife in the kitchen cooking.
He looks in the frying pan
and sees one of his socks getting cooked
"What are you doing?" he asked
"Im doing what you asked me last night"
the man left the room puzzled thinking
"i didnt ask her to cook my sock"

har har!!

bump

here are a couple of texts that I've had on my phone for the last 4 years

I shall seek and find you
I shall take you to bed and control you
I will make you ache shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.
All my love

the flu!

Today's blessing:

May the fleas of a thousand Afgan camels infest the crotch of the person who f*cks up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch. Amen.

anymore
?????

Men-opause,
Men-strual pains,
Men-tal illness,
Guy-naecologist,
His-terectomy,

ever noticed that all women's problems start with a f*cking man!!

giggles

(%:{+$(%* _£)%@

One to remember for next christmas.............send it to people early december

Merry Chrisrmas, I know it's early but I ave so many intelligent good looking mates, I thought i'd start with the ugly bastards first.

Your Ad has been in the personal column for 3 weeks now, would you like your picture removed from the Ad to see if it helps

Gazzete

waterfalls - yeah ive got it!!!

keep them rolling

u r my
Funny, Understanding, Cute,
Kind, Intelligent, Naughty,
Great, Sweet, Honest, Independent,
Truthful friend, in short u r my
F.U.C.K.I.N.G S.H.I.T friend

my SIL sent me this one:

3 Men sat at a table in a restaurant
all wanking furiously.
A waitress asks what's going on
and they point to a sign

"First comes first served"

Thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread the other day but when I looked close it said Thick Cut