School - should DS be the youngest in his year or should I hold him back?

[1950sHousewife]

I guess I'm lucky to have a problem like this.But I really need help to decide what to do.

My DS is due to start school in Sept. He will be the youngest in the class as he is born 10 days before the cut off. He's small for his age, his speech is not fluid, he can't be bothered with drawing or trying to look at letters or numbers. TBH he just wants to play still - he loves cars!

I'm sure my DD was affected by also being the youngest in her class. She felt so 'stupid' for not understanding lot of what her classmates were up to. The first two years of school were really tricky for her.

We've been given the option by our local authority (we now live abroad) to let him start the year after. He's at a pre-school 4 days a week which he kind of likes, but doesn't love. It's a French pre-school so it's got the advantage that he is picking up the language quickly. It's expensive though. DH is as unsure what to do about this as I am.

Should i hold him back a year or just let him go anyway?

I was the youngest in my class all through my education. I always felt special in a good way rather than 'stupid'. There may be older kids but that doesnt mean to say they will be cleverer or better than your DS and I'm pretty sure it's normal to only want to play and not be that bothered by writing/reading.
Is there the option of starting him in September but then reviewing how he goes and re-starting if necessary?

I don't have any specific experience of this (apart from being a secondary school teacher) but I always said to myself that if I had an August-born boy I would think very hard about delaying his start for a year (I actually have an October-born 2yr old boy and the thought of sending him to school a couple of weeks after he turns 4 is ). I don't think I would have so many worries about a girl, but, socially, boys can struggle so much more at the beginning because they lack the maturity that many girls have at that age to cope with the more rigid school setting. Academically, kids usually catch up with not much trouble, but socially it can be a different story. The first few years are so important in determining how a child feels about school and their place in it. If your local authority is giving you the option to delay I would need a very good reason not to take them up on it.

Ultimately, you're his mum and you're best placed to decide what is right for him. I would say that unless you truly believe he'll flourish in school in Sept then you have your answer.

Good luck! My little girl goes to school in Sept and it's going to be a huge wrench!

It's a bit of a no-win situation to be honest. I'm a late July baby so was always the young one in my year. After school I had a year out before university and when I started there a year later I felt really old compared to all the 'kids'...

My DS is a mid-August baby and we've started him at school anyway. I think he is being 'brought on' by the other kids a bit as he wants to be like them and keep up...

It really depends on him. My ds is youngest in class but is way achieving what rest are so if he ready then go for it if he not then do not. However I homeschooled until 6 so not had experience of early years etc

If your in England he will always be the youngest in the class. If you hold him back a year all that will happen is that he will join in yr 1 and have missed out on reception. Where all the other children will have made friends, not to mention all the basic work on phonic and reading they will have done.

Is there a chance that you might move back to the UK? If so then I wouldn't hold him back because I think things would be very tricky on your return.

I have a December-born so one of the oldest and an August born who is the youngest in her year.

I can see a difference in their educational goals, but I wouldn't say in a negative way. And tbh could've happened anyway as they are such different characters. DD1 reads much better than DD2, but DD2 can give DD1 a run for her money in anything to do with maths!

DD1 was so ready for school, her pre-school found it difficult to provide the resources she needed as she was so far ahead of herself. That has balanced out over time. DD2 would've happily stayed in nursery squidging wet bits of painted paper together, she couldn't read, and was just beginning to write her name. Again, not sure if this was character or age. DD2 is much more chilled out. I have wondered if I should have held her back a year group, but she hasn't struggled in school. She keeps up with her peers and now, halfway through year 2 I am glad I didn't.

My husband is a late August baby, along with a close friend of mine. Both are doing very well in their careers and haven't been held back by being the youngest in their school year.

HTH

I think join school anyway. Teachers are well used to dealing with classes of children with ages ranging throughout the year.

Wow, thanks for all the responses. I hadn't even bothered to look at this when I saw there was no interest in the thread initially. I'm starting to wonder if unless you have a really contraversial title people won't look!

To clarify, he is going to a form of school/daycare - Montassori, where he is only taught in French. The next 'primary' school he will be going to will be mainly English, so I guess in some ways keeping him in the French daycare will mean he will become bilingual quicker. I'm already seeing that he is now starting to understand French and sometimes accidently uses french words.

We're definitely not coming back to England, I don't think. But again, that did worry me IwishIwas...

Juliebat - really interesting you have the same qualms. I think not only would my son be the youngest, but of that he is REALLY immature. His friend who is two months younger can already read simple words and write, but despite trying my hardest my son just has no interest. He is also shoulder height on many of his friends.
He's not going to school with any of his chums, so separating him from them won't be a problem.

As said, my DD was also immature (I seem to breed that kind of kid!) and I was amazed when 9 month after she started school during the Easter holidays I looked at her and thought 'Aaaah, this is when you should have started. You're finally ready."

I'm going to keep thinking about this and may seek further advice.
Thanks all.

I was born 31st of Aug so the youngest in my year I never felt it effected me per say though was jealous that i never got to blow out the birthday candles in asmbelly i also was very ill in my third yr juniors and had most of that year at home or in the childrens wards i think my mum tried to get the sch to hold me back due to this but they said no didnt do well in my exams but dont think it was my age however i joined the army at 17 1/2 and became the youngest in my sqn all the while i served i dont think it effects children as much as parents think my mum made sure my homework was done and helped with reading etc i am enjoying this year as everyone from my sch yr is turning forty im going to e the last just because u r the youngest doesnt make u thick hope that this helps u

If I had the time over again I would definately hold my DS back. He is 20th August and had absolutely no interest in school whatsoever. DD (Jan) previously had been desperate to go to school and learn. DS - not one iota of interest. He's 18 now and at Uni, still not much interest!

I really feel that at just turned 4 (shocking) I sent him to schools - he was a baby. If I had held him back for a year and he was then the oldest in the year and not the youngest I feel that this would have done his confidence a world of good and instead of feeling like he wasn't clever enough.

Depends a lot on how mature and ready for school you feel your DS is. If you're unsure about him being ready, I'd be inclined to hold him back in your position.

It is good that you have the option to hold him back if you think he's not ready though.

My DS was born 6 weeks early, so ended up as an August baby instead of a September one. As far as I know there's not the option in England of holding him back a year if he doesn't seem ready, which is kind of annoying in the circumstances.
The only option here seems to be having them start in year 1 instead of in the reception year, which seems utterly pointless.

So I'm jealous of you having the choice!

It does depend on the child. Having experienced US and UK schooling systems I am pro- retention if you have a quiet child that lacks confidence, providing your child will not be the brightest in the class (and become bored), then irrespective of academic performance. Self image is something which is shaped and formed in your primary years.

Self confidence will stay with them forever, it will help them throughout their entire school and life experiences.

If you have a choice - make the decision for the long term.

I am august. I started at school having been 4 a week. My mum said I was desperate to go as both my sisters were there.
The one reason I hated it was more into secondary school when everyone started turning 16/18 almost a whole year before me.
But saying that I don't think it was damaging at all. And I was by far the smallest as well!

My dd is a 24th August baby if I had the choice I would hold her back but probably see if she could stay I'm nursery am
Extra year she is not 'academically' intelligent at all