Neighbours complaining about my noisy children :(

[BellaLEL]

My partner and I have 3 small children, DD1 - 4, DD2 - 2 and DS - Newborn. We were renting in a 2 bed semi but unfortunately our landlord wanted to put the rent up an extra £200 so we had to move out. The only place we were able to afford at the time was a 2 bed middle floor conversion flat. It's not as cramped as people may think as it's rooms are large.

We came to realise that being a conversion flat that the floors/ceilings aren't well insulated which therefore results in banging and vibrations when walking/running etc. Taking this in to account both my partner and I are constantly trying to get our DD's to not run so much and our DD2 to not throw herself on the floor and have a tantrum. I know that they're kids and is what's expected of them but we are trying our best to be considerate of those living within this house.

Today, we had a letter wrote by our neighbours downstairs asking if we'd be more considerate about the level of noise we create both in the morning and evening. So if we could at least try to keep it down a notch.

Obviously we try a lot, and probably more than the average family. We are going to write a letter back signifying our empathy and apologies. Along with the reassurance that we are now considering to move out, AGAIN, once our tenancy runs out this October.

Just want to ask for advice from anyone who has been in this situation. Or if you can suggest anything to get the kids to be quieter?

Thanks :D

It's not pleasant, but don't write a note. Messages get lost in translation with a missed comma or apostrophe. Go and talk to them. Explain what you are doing to reduce the noise. Apologise.

There's not much else you can do.

We had this in a 3 bed semi so it's just dependent on the people not the property!

It's horrible and we moved out as our neighbor used to play her music loud to punish us.

She was a mother of twins. Could not see how hypocritical she was being.

Best thing we did was leave. A pregnant couple with a newborn moved in. Hope she enjoyed that!

What kind of flooring does your flat have?

Agree with smackapacca - don't write, go and see them and talk it through. If they don't have children they probably don't understand, but you need to make sure that you are on good terms with them, otherwise this has the potential to escalate.

You need to make sure they are very specific about what noise they are complaining about, rather than just assuming it's about specific behaviours, otherwise you would spend a lot of time and energy trying to correct/stop something that isn't a problem for them!

It could, for example, be to do with loud television early in the morning, or the baby crying - or any number of things.

Just talk - go down and see them - take a bottle of wine or some flowers, so that you can create a relationship with them, and then they are more likely to be sympathetic/empathetic.

smackapacca and BIWI, I was thinking of going down there and talking to them but I just thought that writing a letter, like they did, would be the best option for now. Also we have, on a number of occasions, knocked on their door for other reasons but they never answer? So we do get the impression that they are a reserved couple (they don't have kids).

The letter they wrote wasn't necessarily a rude one, just basically asking if we could be more considerate and 'try' to keep the noise down a bit more. They did specify that it was 'running' and 'banging' that was getting to them.

We have wrote a letter just saying that we appreciate their letter and assured them that we have been doing our best to ask the girls to stop running every day but also explained that it is a child's default setting to 'run' and not 'walk'. And that 5 minutes after they've been told it's forgotten about and will start again. We did also mention that we are now considering a move at the end of our tenancy which we're hoping would be a relief for them. At the end we said that they should feel free to either write another letter or simply knock for a chat and a cup of tea. Fingers crossed that should be enough, though I am going to take your advise on board BIWI and will follow the letter up with a knock on their door, if they answer of course.

Beamur, not sure what kind of flooring we have or what answer to give to that. It's a Victorian conversion flat which we believe hasn't been updated properly with regard to the flooring. It's basically like living in a house still.

Thanks for your comments guys :D

Is it carpeted or wooden floor? Carpeted takes away from some noise in flats.

Oh I do feel for you. My daughter is 3 and I'd hate to have to tell her to stop running and jumping the way they do at that age. I hope you find somewhere suitable to live after this, and in the meantime fingers crossed your neighbours will be understanding.

If you have wooden or laminate floors the sound can travel down more than if it's thick carpet. You can get rubber floor tiles that interlock that you could use in the girls room to minimise some noise. You could take them with you if you move. They are currently £40 delivered for 32 approx 1m tiles on eBay. We just brought some for under the swing set in the garden but had them in the family room in our last house and in the play cottage.

I wish I could say that we do have wooden floors but we do in fact have carpets through out! And, we moved in last October which was when these carpets were fitted and it's a thick carpet!

Thank you for your suggestions though, really thoughtful of you.

Yes it's hard to discipline a child for doing what's expected of them. And my 2 year old does throw ridiculous tantrums and the last thing I want to do is give her the attention she doesn't need whilst doing it. But if she's going to throw herself on the floor, kicking her legs and banging her head on the floor I've got to! At least now we're aware not to move in to a conversion flat and we'll be looking out for either a house (if cheap enough) or a ground floor flat.

Thanks again :D

I've had similar in a previous flat. It really cripples your homelife worrying about whether every move your DC makes is annoying those below you...

Looking back, moving out was the only solution for us, but if faced with the same again I would not make DC be responsible for keeping the neighbours happy, and nor would I apologise for having a normal child making a normal amount of noise.

The neighbours may feel entitled to peace and quiet when relaxing at home but the flipside is they are also getting the benefit of relatively cheaper rent by living in on-top-of-eachother flats rather than in a detached house in the countryside!