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Original poster

Birthday Party Clash

16 replies

hollie25 · 20/02/2012 14:35

I have arranged my Daughters party (year 3) and invited the class and a few friends from out of school.

Another Mum has approached me and said she wanted to have her daughters party that day and despite the fact I have booked an entertainer food a hall and sent out all the invitations (none of which she has done yet) would I be willing to change the date of my party so she can have that date for hers. (the date is a sunday 3 days from my dd's birthday and 1 day from her dd's bday)

She came across as quite rude but I don't think she means to (This is perhaps just her way) but I don't intend to change as I've spent a while trying to organise this now. I would have offered to have a joint party but she has told me she has a certain venue which she "has" to have and a kids dance group she wants to book.

Shall I offer to have a joint party - stick with my party as it is - change my date? (I feel it is reasonable not to change the date)

What would you do?

OP posts:
PuggyMum · 20/02/2012 14:39

I wouldn't change my plans tbh. Plus I assume you will have paid deposits etc that you won't get back.

If you're not fast you're last.

Original poster
hollie25 · 20/02/2012 14:43

Thanks PuggyMum

No deposits paid as yet as sent invites as soon as bookings confirmed so wouldn't have lost anything. Do need to get them posted off today though so I need to make a quick decision...........

OP posts:
kerala · 20/02/2012 14:45

Tough luck you got in first and you have sent out the invites so will be big hassle informing everyone.

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Original poster
hollie25 · 20/02/2012 14:47

Thanks kerala

I just don't know how to strike the right balance between selfish/pushover

OP posts:
crazygracieuk · 20/02/2012 14:48

Why can't she go for the Saturday if yours is on. Sunday or vice versa? If she doesn't want to have a joint party then it's tough- you sent invites out first.

PuggyMum · 20/02/2012 14:52

Yeah but she won't know depostits not paid yet :)

PuggyMum · 20/02/2012 14:52

Depostits! Oops!

Catsdontcare · 20/02/2012 14:55

Don't change it. Very rude of her to even ask! just say "Oh dear next year we'll have to check our dates in advance"

arghmyear · 20/02/2012 14:55

Given the plans you have made and the fact that the invitations have been issued then there is no need for you to change your party.

However, IMO it is good etiquette (and avoids problems) to consider when the parties of other children are who have birthdays at similar times before making arrangements. Were you aware that your party was going to be 1 day from another child's birthday? Because if you were, I think that you should have probably discussed it with the mum before making any arrangements to avoid the problem arising.

When I arrange parties for my children, I do think about when other children are having theirs and if I am in doubt, I ask their parent about what has been booked/what is planned to avoid a clash. There are children in both my DS's and my DD's classes who have birthdays in the same few days so I am always careful before booking.

breatheslowly · 20/02/2012 14:58

I'd leave it. From what I understand it can be difficult to get RSVPs at the best of times, but confusing people with a date change will probably cause chaos. She is being weird anyway.

Original poster
hollie25 · 20/02/2012 15:09

Hi arghmyear

Last week I got list of children from school who have b'days a week either side and asked parents if they had anything arranged so i could avoid the clash which I have seen happen with other parents and of the 3 children who do- one is just having a small mid week bday tea with family and 1 or 2 best friends- another has booked a tea time football party on the field after school with a coach for just boys in the class. The Mum in question said probaly but I can't be bothered to think that far ahead(April).

I perhaps should have double checked before sending out the invites.

OP posts:
PuggyMum · 20/02/2012 16:48

So you already gave her the chance to let you know if she had any special plans?

You've done enough already! Stick to your plans and remind her of this chat you had!

arghmyear · 20/02/2012 19:00

Well you did everything you could to avoid the clash. This mum sounds like a bit of a difficult person if you gave her the opportunity to avoid this problem, she declined and then when it arose, she asked you to rearrange. No way should you change the party and furthermore, I'd try and avoid her, she sounds like one of life's entitled takers. I don't think there was a need for you to double check - she had her opportunity and didn't take it.

Eclairwaldorf · 20/02/2012 19:02

Don't change your party!

QuintessentialyHollow · 20/02/2012 19:05

Dont change your plans, the invites are already out!

If she still book her party for the same date, she is going to look like a total idiot.

PopcornBiscuit · 20/02/2012 19:29

YANBU.

That's really rude of her to ask. Do you imagine if she had got there first, she'd be changing her date to accommodate you? I think not!

Also if you change the date now, you'll be messing your invitees around, which isn't fair on them.

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