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Just wondering...

11 replies

KatBag · 08/02/2012 15:57

Hi, I'm new to the site so hope I've picked the right part to post this on, just need some advice really, have already posted this in student parents but no response as yet.
My dp and I are both mature students, (he is PT postgrad, and I am FT undergrad both due to graduate in May), we both work PT-FT jobs too and are very steady. We were engaged last year, and took the decision to come off the pill in Spring this year (hence joining this site).
HOWEVER, this week we found out that his funding will not be available for him to carry on his study next year. Realistically, he has the option to go FT at work and while losing his funding will mean losing about £3000 we were expecting, this will be more than covered by his changing to FT hours (sorry for the essay, it's just important to me that it's clear we are steady money-wise, I would never plan a baby if we weren't)
My problem is that we both have quite sniffy families, someone or other always seem to have an issue with the choices we make for ourselves and feels they have to stick their noses in, eg, several people commented on us getting engaged before owning our own house. This is normally something we raise our eyebrows at but doesn't cause too many problems as we trust each other's judgement. I am now worried that if we carry on as planned and TTC, we will be the target for more sniffing and finger pointing. I realise this sounds a bit pathetic but I really don't want that sort of atmosphere around the experience of having our first child. It's a decision we didn't make lightly, and something we both are really excited about.
My gut feeling is that there is never a "perfect time" to have your first baby, but do I wait it out another year or just put up with any sniffiness.
I realise as I write this that I've already made my mind up really lol, but would like other people's views on it!
TIA

OP posts:
Seeline · 08/02/2012 16:01

Put up withthe sniffiness!! You and your DP seem really sensible and have reached this decision together. It is nobody else's business but yours. If necessary tell others that that is the case and tell them to but out!! Good luck to the pair of you Smile

welliesandpyjamas · 08/02/2012 16:01

How old are you?

You seem to care a lot about their approval even though you don't understand them. If having a baby now is something you're both looking forward to, and your finances are stable enough, then why not just do it? Those in your family who have feelings will be thrilled when the baby arrives. Babies thaw hearts.

KatBag · 08/02/2012 16:23

We're both 24. Hmm, you're right, maybe I do want too much approval. It's just I had such a lovely family environment (gps, aunts, uncles etc involved) when I was little which fell apart when my parents divorced, I'd love them to pull themselves together so that our baby could have the same (minus the divorce obvs :) )

OP posts:

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welliesandpyjamas · 08/02/2012 17:00

My background was very similar. Wonderful family background, centered around the most loving grandparents ever, but to be frank it all started to fall apart when my grandparents died and was made a hundred times worse when my parents divorced. I know I have very special and caring relatives but there are no gatherings like there used to be. I've learnt two things: firstly, that, frustrating as it may be, you can't make relatives or anyone behave in the way you perceive as ideal, and secondly, once you have your own children, it is more important that you create your own version of a happy family to pass on happy memories to them, start a new tradition of family (based on your happy memories).
You mention that relatives are sniffy about you getting engaged without buying a house. We have moved around a bit, before and after dc, and believe me it is not the snazziness of your house or the number of bedrooms or bathrooms which make a Home. It's the people in it. Happy loving people in a tiny house is better than dysfynctional stressed people in the Ideal Home.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/02/2012 17:03

Why do you care?

It's your life, live it and ignore the sniffers.

Sniff back woman and get yourself upduffed.

KatBag · 08/02/2012 17:07

Thanks guys :) This is what dp has been saying all along, but knowing other people feel the same is a wonderful feeling!

OP posts:
welliesandpyjamas · 08/02/2012 17:12

Sniffers tend not to have any real problems to fret about.

Good luck TTC :)

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/02/2012 17:12

And remember the MN catchall phrase

"Do you MEAN to be so rude?"

Grin
welliesandpyjamas · 08/02/2012 17:14

Yes to what Katie said Grin

Grow your cojones and stand up for your dream

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/02/2012 17:17

"we both have quite sniffy families, someone or other always seem to have an issue with the choices we make"
So, if you're going to be sniffed at whatever you do, best to please yourself with your choices since they've made it clear you CANNOT please them.

Guard · 16/02/2012 21:40

Hi Katbag
I would so echo what the others have said - go with what you feel. For my part my only thought was why didn't I do this sooner ?
And Katie - thanks so much for the MN catchall - could that be a T shirt ? Grin

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