Friends child damaged furniture - what do i do ?

[timmytoes]

A 6 year child of a good and long friend of mine recently damaged a piece of my (very new) furniture whether on purpose or by accident is hard to tell. The upshot is i have had to replace the piece at a cost of about £240 as it cannot be repaired. The parents of the child are of course mortified and very embarrassed and want to pay for the replacement but my husband does not want to take money from our friends. What should i do ?

Your DH is right - the relationship with your friends would change for the worst. If they are truly sorry etc. they will bring you wine or take you out for a nice meal or something

I would not charge friends either.

I do not want to charge friends either but i keep thinking what if it was my child ? I would want to close the matter and payment seems to do that. They are very persistent in wanting to know how much it will cost etc and so far i have managed to avoid but the replacement piece arrives this week , would a suggestion of money to a charity be a good idea ?

I would be very pleased that my friend had offered to pay but I would not accept any money. Your DH has done the right thing.

They have been decent - they are embarrassed and they have offered to pay. I think it would be best for you to refuse the money.

They are being decent in offering and meaning it. You are being decent in wanting to refuse, but I see what you mean about accepting drawing a line under it. Why not just explain to your friend that you are happy to take the hit rather than ruin a friendship, but can understand them being insistent. Maybe suggest going halves or some other compromise?
What a nicely awkward situation to be in!

A suggestion of a charity donation doesn't feel right somehow. However I can't quite put my finger on why.

You could say that accidents happen and that when you are all out next they can stand the first round of drinks. And you'll be having champagne .

Keep it light hearted as they must be feeling dreadful and will be worrying about losing your friendship.

I agree with all above, accepting the money would effect the friendship. A charity suggestion sounds a bad idea, I think. Your friends would still be paying the same amount, but you would be dictating they should give it away, which they couldn't really refuse. I don't feel anyone has the right to tell another when and what to give to charity, but I do see where you are coming from.

In your position I'd refuse the money but in their position I'd want you to accept the money so I didn't feel guilty or indebted to you. Tricky.

I'm generally all for donations to charity in lieu of any presents on any occasion but I agree that doesn't feel right here.

Empire's idea about the round of drinks thing seems much better - keeps it casual and lets your friends have some way to feel they can rectify the situation.

It happened to us with a friend's child, in a rental property - friend laughed it off, I was embarrassed to explain to landlord, (and offered to have it deducted from our deposit, which it duly was).

It did make me fairly annoyed that my friend thought I was being uptight about minding the damage, I was more bothered as it was not "my" house, she thought I shouldn't care as it wasn't really my house.

So I think your DH has the right idea -great they offered and are not being dismissive of the hassle and expense you're having but I would prioritise keeping money out of it.

(Somehow it would have been easier if your friends had gone and purchased a replacement and presented it to you - its the actual money part that would feel wrong to me here).

What on earth did the child do to write off this piece of furniture? I need to know that before I form and opinion

AN opinion again...

Won't your insurance cover it? were the parents there at the time of the damage or had she come over to play with your DC?