Sister wedding in Australia.

[JODIEwantsanewname]

I live in UK, Mum and Dad live in Spain and my Sister has moved to Australia.

DSis has a little boy and is getting married next year, when she originally got engaged she said she'd get married in Europe somewhere as our family doesn't have much money and he DF's family are well off (not loaded, but comfortable), and when her DS was born my mum and dad used their savings to go and visit for one month, thinking it would be a once in a lifetime trip.

Fast forward 12 months and she has now decided that she is getting married in Australia, which is fine, but I really don't know how I am going to be able to afford to go, I have 2 DS's of my own and then there is DH too, DS's will be 6.5 and 4.5 at this point, I have said I might go on my own, but I don't really want to be that far away from my boys for that long (don't mind the odd weekend ) and anyway, she has said she doesn't want any children at the night time thing, which is fine, her choice, but why should I spend that money/time taking them when they aren't invited to the whole thing? I'd much rather take the when they are a bit older and we can see and do more.

Then, last night, mum called me in a panic, she doesn't know how on earth she can afford to go, business is hardly booming at the moment and they are just scraping by to pay the bills, but she doesn't want to miss her daughter getting married. I said I'd have a word with DSis and sound it out and see if we can change her mind before she actually books anything, so she knows all the options.

Anyway, lets say the conversation didn't go well, she ended up saying that mum and dad knew when they went over to Spain that it wasn't a 12 month season and they should save more so I said that she knew when she moved to Oz that it would be very difficult for us all to visit. the conversation lasted about 3 minutes, ending with her crying and putting the phone down


I now feel like piggy in the middle and I know her wedding is important and brides have a tendancy to be a bit selfish, but WWYD?

[JODIEwantsanewname]

bump x

[MamaMaiasaura]

She made choice to move over therre. Would she come over even for post wedding celebration? It's unfair and unreasonable of her to expect you all to attend unless she can contribute to tickets.

[JODIEwantsanewname]

This is what I am going to suggest, if she lets me get a word in edge ways, I'll even do all the organising of it myself, then all her old school friends, uni friends, Aunt's Uncles and cousins can all make it too..

We've even suggested Thailand to her (one of her original choices) as that way it's (sort of) half way, the flights/jet lag isn't too bad for all involved and it's very cheap when we get there.

I'm not sure she completely understands the full impact of the recession over here as I think, as a whole, Australia has been safe from it (she does live in a tiny seaside resort and trade is good at the moment.)

[JODIEwantsanewname]

BTW thanks for answering, I think I just needed that rant, and to speak to someone who isn't involved (like my DM, DF and DH!)

[MamaMaiasaura]

That's a very nice (and far too reasonable) suggestion IMO. I'd email her so she can read it several times.

[FetchezLaVache]

She's turned into Bridezilla. She originally said she'd get married in Europe because your family aren't that well off- of course she's entitled to change her mind, but your family's circumstances haven't changed. I think it's naughty of her to say your DParents should have saved more- they might have been able to if they'd been forewarned that they'd be having to make another trip to Oz!

I don't think I'd go, in your position. It would cost a fortune to fly all of you out there and accommodation for a couple of weeks (unless Bridezilla is offering to put you all up?). You could go on your own, but I don't know what childcare issues that might raise and it's not going to be desperately fun for you, if you won't know many people and are there for at least a week. Also, I know in our situation (we too are watching the pennies), even though I'm the main earner, I'd still feel guilty spending money just on myself that could be used for the benefit of the whole family.

Are you close?

[lynniep]

Selfish girl. shes entitled to have her wedding where she wants to, but getting upset because her loved ones cant afford to go? What planet is she living on? For you to take your family would cost an absolute fortune, and Oz is VERY expensive to visit now (and I mean once you're there not just flights). As for your parents, well possibly they've been naive about their earning potential in Spain yes, I have no idea, but blimey, she's got a nerve implying that they should have saved more money, essentially for the purpose of visiting Oz. Doesnt she understand that the point is that they DONT have the money regardless of why, and that they shouldnt have to risk their home just because she's not prepared to fork out for the journey instead. Jeez I'm so indignant on their behalf...

[JODIEwantsanewname]

Ahh, e-mailing her, that's a great idea! (why didn't I think of it?) Thanks... Just off to compose it... see you in a week

[FetchezLaVache]

YY Lynniep- my DSIL is Australian and she is there at the moment, she can't believe how expensive it is to live there now after 13 years away!

[JODIEwantsanewname]

I'm so glad that what I feel is valid as she's made me feel really guilty about this whole thing. This is why I think we need to get it sorted now, before she books anything, then she can't say we didn't warn her!

[JODIEwantsanewname]

fetchez - we are quite close, however she's always been a 'freespirit' and left home a 17 to travel the world (11 years ago) so I don't see her that much. I'm 4 years older than her, and always been a bit of a home body.

I think the fact she left home so long ago has made her selfish anyway, without becoming 'Bridezilla' on top of this.

All I can hope is that her DF (who is so laid back) will make her see sense, they are living in the town he grew up in, so his side of the family are just down the road.

My parents couldn't get over how expensive it was there when they went last year!!!