WWYD - au pair too keen on dh....

[docket]

Have reposted from childcare section as would really like some thoughts...

Have had an au pair since September (she's leaving end of March). She's been very good with the children and coped particularly well at the start when I was recovering from an operation and not much help for a while. She's quite easy to get along with, if rather arrogant at times!

I noticed early on that she was very keen on DH, quite flirty, very attentive and markedly 'nicer' to him. My mum and her partner noticed too, my mum mentioned it to me after she saw them talking and noticed the AP had lain herself in a 'come hither' style over a chair (whatever that means!). Anyway, it was pretty obvious to all concerned.

Up to then I had regarded it as nothing serious, almost amusing. Then, she spent Christmas-New Year in London and kept texting DH (nothing that needed replying to, just 'chat') and then very bizarrely sent a text to him at 1 in the morning saying 'Is anything wrong (I hope this hasn't woken you)?'. This was very weird indeed as she knows we go to bed quite early and even DH who is rather oblivious to these things had to admit there was only one likely explanation for texting someone at that hour...

I mentioned I thought it was a bit strange (in an 'are you ok' way) when she got back as I wanted her to know I knew. She was hugely defensive, saying she hated it when people didn't reply to her texts....

Anyway, the upshot is that I find having her around very difficult, I think she crossed the line with that text. I've told a couple of RL friends who think I should have given her the boot but that feels a bit extreme and at times I wonder whether I'm just blowing it out of proportion.

What do you think? Would really appreciate some opinions!

[SecretMinceRinser]

If she is good with the kids then I would leave it to your dh to sort out. He should make sure he is keeping the relationship entirely businesslike - not bantering or texting for reasons other than what is necessary for her to do her job.
You shouldn't be pulling her up on texting your dh - it just makes you look like you see her as a threat which will reinforce to her that your dh is worth pursuing. I think your dh needs to have a word with her reinforcing that his phone number is for work use only.

[coccyx]

You need to tackle your husband first

[docket]

Tackle him how coccyx? I honestly don't feel he's encouraging her!

[Conflugenglugen]

I think it's out of order and, in your shoes, I would dismiss her. I can absolutely understand when you say that your husband isn't involved, docket - he doesn't seem to be; and, anyway, that's not the point. She has crossed a line, and that would be enough for me.

[brandysoakedbitch]

Go with your gut and get rid. You seem entirely reasonable about this but don't put yourself through another couple of months like this.

[Bucharest]

It is out of order, yes.

But it's your husband who needs to put a stop to it.

What does he say about it all? Does he think she's out of order/over-stepping a line/giving him come-hither looks?

If so, why hasn't he put her straight before?

[metrobaby]

personally I would get rid. It is unprofessional of her and out of order. She has crossed a line, and probably the thin edge of a wedge. I had a previous AP who used to dress very provactively and behave suggestively. We didn't think too much of it, and treated it with much amusement, until I later found out what else she was doing - which was very serious - enough to warrant gross misconduct with immediate dismissal. It was nothing to do with my DH - but I really wished at the time I had taken head of the warning signs before.

[PostBellumBugsy]

Firslty. I would sit her down and say what a great job she does with the children. Tell her that your DH is overwhelmed by her text messages, that this is his work phone & he really has to try and keep it for work texts only. Tell her that she can text you as much she likes.

Then, if you are sure that your DH is not giving her any encouragement, I would overlook her rather sad attempts to flirt with him and hang on in there for the next two months.

If you feel that it is putting unnecessary temptation in his way, start looking for a new aupair & as soon as you are sorted, give her notice.

[dandelionss]

she was probaly pissed when she sent the texts.I'd leave it if she is going in March anyway.I'd do some serruptitious snooping on DH though just to make sure he is completely innocent

[toddlerama]

I would get DH to dismiss her on the grounds that her behaviour is unprofessional and inappropriate. It's him that is having his personal space invaded, he should do it.