A difficult situation today, I don't think I did the right thing and feel awful (long)

[mothmagnet]

I was in a cafe this afternoon, killing some time between an appointment and school finishing. A lady on the next table started chatting - she was older and very interesting. We chatted about economising and she was giving me tips on how to cut back as she'd had a lifetime of saving money and good advice.

She told me how she'd had to retire early due to ill health and things were tight, I sympathised as I have just become jobless and am a LP etc. (please note, I definitely didn't lay it on! Just, 'yes I know') (Also, how I didn't like to buy in bulk as I was too tight to spend a lot at a time)
She was lovely to chat to.

Then, she pulled a £5 note out and said, I'd like to challenge you to see how long this will last you - a very kind thing. I said again and again, thanks, but please don't, it's not that bad , she said it will make me very happy. I just didn't know what to do. I accepted it with gratitude, but now feel I should have insisted she have it back. I feel awful. When I collected ds, we flew back to the cafe, but she had gone.

Written down, I know I should have said more at the time, but there just wasn't an opportunity, the lady was telling me about something else, I didn't want to interrupt (was a good story) and I was sweating slightly about getting to school.

She did a lovely thing, but I feel bad about it. Or, should I be happy and accept her challenge?

Be happy about it, she was doing something nice. Then when you have the opportunity to do something nice for someone else, do it gladly. :)

She gave it freely so you needn't feel bad. However, if you feel you want to pass the kindness on, how about challenging yourself to see how many other people you can help/do something nice for, for £5.

Agree with squishy.

Also she probably enjoyed your company / conversation and wanted to show some appreciation and thought that it would be a nice way to make life a bit easier for you todya

Think about how good you feel when you do something really nice for someone else, and how that feeling stays with you all day. That's how she feels now, because you let her give you the fiver. :)

Do you really think she'd want you to be feeling awful?

You made a lovely, if momentary, connection with someone, and you'll remember her for a long time to come and think of her when you pass on her kindness someday. What happened today was nice, not difficult :)

Don't feel bad, she was obviously very happy to help you out.

Can you 'pay the favour forward?'

Thank you all for replying so quickly! I'm walking around wringing my hands.

Thanks for not calling me grabby. I would love to find a way to pass on this kindness, it's a great idea.

I did enjoy chatting with her - I asked if we could meet again (with a mind to repaying her) but she said she rarely came into town.

Some people are just lovely and enjoy doing kind things.

A friend and I were in a cafe one cold day with our dcs and an old man came and thrust £5 at us, told us to buy a hot drink and left.

She gave you it because she wanted you to have it, dont feel bad.

You probably gave her a huge amount of pleasure by being willing and happy to talk to her. It would have made her feel valued - don't feel bad at all.

Onehand, that's a lovely way of looking at it, thanks.

I was so worried about my own reaction, it hadn't occurred to me, or the 'pay it forward' idea.

You probably made her day. You sound lovely for being so worried about it!

I was really expecting quite a negative reaction here and am grateful for this new perspective, thank you.

I am loving the irony of discussing economising while sat in a cafe.

She will have a warm glow about doing a nice thing for someone. Don't spoil it for her by agonising over it.

I think you should use it exactly as she suggested.

Sometimes people like to do good things for people.

Last year my dh was on a busy train and an older lady sat with him (she was 82). They got chatting, it was a long journey. It was delayed during really bad snow. They talked about family, the dc, her family etc. she needed to send a text and couldn't do it and my dh showed her how.
When it was time for her to get off he got her case down and took it to the door and onto the platform for her.
Just as the train door was shutting she said, 'I left you something in your newspaper, please use it and buy your dc a sledge'. The train pulled out.

When dh got back to his seat he found a £20 note inside his folded newspaper. He was really touched, she must have known that he wouldn't have wanted to accept it. He did indeed buy the dc a lovely sledge.

There are some lovely people out there.

This is the sort of thing my gran would have done in the past. She would have enjoyed doing something nice for someone. She never had much in her younger days but is comfortable in old age and enjoyed sharing it around a bit. Not in a smug way but in a I can't take it with me way. She was also the kind of woman that would have taken great pleasure in thinking you might have bought a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates, something decadent with it.
This thread made me smile actually that there is more women like her out there. She sadly has Alzheimer's now and that woman is not with us anymore. Enjoy the nice thing this woman has done and take pleasure from the fact that on some way you touched this woman in a way that made her want to do this for you.

Ineed, your gran sounds lovely, I'm glad you have good memories of her and sorry she's now not herself, I hope she's ok.

Lovely stories too Indith and uggmum (wow!), I can see what you're all saying, about the pleasure it also gives the other person, it's really nice to read. There are some very kind people about.

I was worried about appearing grabby, but feel better about it now and am writing a list to really see how much staple stuff I can really buy with £5, so am accepting the lady's challenge. It will be interesting!

Thanks for all your replies

Sorry just realised how self indulgent my post was actually
Thank you though. She is fine actually she is happy in the world she is in now in fact a few months ago she was looking forward to my parents wedding. my dad is relieved my mum is making an honest man of him after 43 years. It was hard when she had times she was lucid but that never happens now and thus she is no longer frustrated or depressed.

When you find someone in need it is a massive pleasure to be able to do something which will make a difference. You accepted it with gratitude and she has spent the rest of the day on cloud nine. You have each given something to the other.

Don't underestimate the pleasure of giving when you know it will really help someone.

What's an LP?

What a lovely woman. And absolutely don't 'spoil' her generosity with regret - make the most of that fiver!