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piggy in the middle

5 replies

bigbarnfarmer · 09/01/2012 15:12

I got friendly with one of the mothers at playgroup. At yoga i met another mother who i also became friends with. They are now friends too. One is totally extrovert, life and sole of the party, everythings a drama with her in the middle of it (which she loves and this is her style which we joke about openly). She is also admits to being a bit insecure for which she has her reasons and this can perhaps make her seem a bit needy at times. I dont mind any of this, overall she is a really good friend and i can depend on her and i hope she feels this is mutual.

The other pal is more reserved, more of a worry wart and generally not as life and sole of the party type. She has boys and the other pal has girls. This is in itself a problem as the boys like mine, are more boisterous and her girls are typical girls.

Recently the quieter one wants a break, id like to think i was quite good at reading people and know she wouldnt for example like an unannounced visit or like to meet up every other day so i try to let her initiate seeing us. She needs her own space. Other pal is a calls in whenever, doesn't always knock, would happily see you everyday type. I think quieter pal finds this, at times, too much. I know she does. But party pal doesnt really pick up on this. Instead when quiet pal keeping low profile she asks me what is wrong, says quiet friend hardly speaking to her etc and well to be honest i dont know what to tell her.

I have tried saying she is lying low, she needs some space, that i haven't been texting her or ringing much because i know she needs some head space but this makes the party pal think she must need more support and goes into texting over drive leaving quiet pal even more stressed and feeling perhaps a bit claustraphobic. They live in the same street too so this doesnt help.

I feel so stuck in the middle, not so much with quiet one but the other who voices that she feels she is being put off by the other. I really enjoy being friends with both of them but i do find this stressful.

WWYD????

OP posts:
bigbarnfarmer · 09/01/2012 18:59

No one manage to get to the end without passing out with boredom!!!

Anyone PLEASE!!!!

OP posts:
mothmagnet · 10/01/2012 21:16

It's very hard to see a solution from here, must be more difficult for you!

Your quiet friend's quietness seems to make party friend feel more insecure. Is it possible for you to give party friend more attention? Maybe drop into her's more often and emphasise how much you like her company, or arrange more meet ups?

Then there maybe more opportunity for you to explain that quiet friend does like you both but also needs her own space. You sound like a good friend to both, don't let it stress you out.

Boisterous boys and girly girls are a hard mix though, especially in winter when it's all indoors (ds also a boisterous boy).

mothmagnet · 10/01/2012 21:17

Your post was not boring btw Smile

bigbarnfarmer · 11/01/2012 14:37

Thanks mothmagnet. Good suggestions, i will try and see more of party friend and try to hint that quiet friend just seems to need her space more than some. You are right tho that perhaps this 'quietness' makes party friend feel more insecure. She does automatically presume it's about her. Hard not to do this, i've been there too but sometimes it's worth remembering that it isn't always about you (or should that be 'me' Wink )

OP posts:
mothmagnet · 11/01/2012 18:51

ExP used to say that to me all the time, 'it's not always about youuuu' Hmm

I can sympathise with your friend, if anyone goes quiet, I always think I've done something. Getting better at thinking twice though, thank goodness.

I think if I was her, I'd need it spelling out and reassurance, a hard thing for you to keep saying.

Good luck with it Smile

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