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friend has been gossiping about her sensitive work

13 replies

namechangerbat · 03/01/2012 09:16

another mum at dd's school and I had coffee before christmas, she works for the council in the adoption and fostering team. Im not entirely sure of her job title etc but I think she interviews people and does lots of back ground checks into people during the application and approval process.

She was gossiping quite viciously with another mother at the local soft play centre at the beginning of the holidays, mocking some of the couples for thinking they had a chance of adopting etc and telling the other mum some of the things she has found out about people -

I felt really uncomfortable and mumbled some thing about this being private information, but she carried on, so I moved away and played with my children -

I just saw her this morning, and it made me really cross I didnt say any thing more at the time, what a nasty pow she is, I feel really sorry for the people who have to deal with her as she's hardly very "professional"

Just a vent really, Would you do any thing? Or let it drop?

OP posts:
catsareevil · 03/01/2012 09:20

Thats unacceptable. I'd be tempted to contact the manager of her team about this. If you pass on the things that you have been told then they can check the veracity of your complaint.

lisaro · 03/01/2012 09:29

I would most definitely take it further. That's awful.

ninedragons · 03/01/2012 10:44

You have to report her. People who work with confidential information have absolutely no right to pass it on as gossip.

namechangerbat · 03/01/2012 11:10

ok, so what do I do, because I have to stand in the play ground with this woman and our kids are in the same class, she can't know it was me telling her manager, but it feels so bad to go behind her back

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 03/01/2012 11:15

If you know her manager's name or a least the department, give them a ring.

Stress it's confidential, use a made up name if needed. You don't have to say you know the lady but say you were in the soft play area and overheard her gossiping and you could tell where she worked from the amount of details she let drop.

She should not be in that job if she can't keep her judgy mouth shut.

FreezusOfNazareth · 03/01/2012 11:18

Does she identify who she's gossiping about?

imaginethat · 03/01/2012 11:19

Watching with interest... had this with a midwife acquaintance gossiping about a (lowish level) celebrity whose birth she had attended, not realising I was friends with said person. Couldn't bloody believe it.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 03/01/2012 12:19


you said this lady was a friend

wouldn't you prefer to have a quiet word, tell her she is taking some very big risks wrt to confidentiality, and by giving her a bloody great shock, she may realise and STFU in future

is there any reason she would be really trying big herself up/otherwise impress this woman she was talking to ?

it doesn't make it right, not at all, but would the first thing you would do be go straight to her manager ?

I wouldn't

namechangerbat · 03/01/2012 13:11

Af - her an I aren't really friends, we met up in holidays so the children could play. Whilst I see your point, if I speak to her first she will probably dismiss me and then I won't be able to do any thing further as she would know it was me.

After witnessing her cruelty to those poor couples that were unsuccessful I really have no desire to be pals with her.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 03/01/2012 13:18

well, you put "friend" in your title

and I take your point that you will be showing your hand if you speak to her first

I guess I am just upfront and rarely go behind someone's back

if she isn't a friend (and who would want her to be ?) then you could actually be very clear with her and say something like "If I overhear you talking about confidential matters, then others will too and you are running the risk of getting reported and disciplined. I just thought you ought to know, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to be seen as unprofessional"

if she is any way a decent person (and she must be in there somewhere, if she has got a job like that on merit), that will put the shits up her and she will stop

if she doesn't after that, then she has more problems than you should be getting involved in, and it is only a matter of time before she crashes her career

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 03/01/2012 13:26

I'm sorry but I would report her without any warning. She knows she shouldn't be doing it, and there's no excuse for it whatsoever. She hasn't just accidentally slipped up, she is doing it on purpose. The risk is if you warn her, she will continue doing it, just out of your earshot.

Mabelface · 03/01/2012 13:35

What she's doing is a sackable offence, and she's breaking the law according to the Data Protection Act. Highly unprofessional. She needs reporting to her management team.

Angelswings · 03/01/2012 13:42

You did warn her that you thought it was inappropriate so calling the council is OK.

MiL sat in a with a high back between her and the the next table. The guy on the next door table talked loudly about his employee and how he was so terrible. His employee was my DH, Mil's son!!

Even though he used no names, it was obvious due to some details he gave. He didn't see my Mil but she saw him (she knew him by sight). She was very shocked.

This is all to say, please stop this woman before she really hurts someone, that is if she hasn't already

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