Meeting up with the family

[mumo3g]

Soon I'm going to see my family for Christmas stuff. That's not the issue. We are going to my brothers new place. We get on but with 8 1/2 years difference between us. His interests are completly different from me. We have hardly anything to talk about. Even when I try to steer the conversation to children (his youngest is 11) it still doesn't get flowing as it should. I want to be able to have some sort of connection with him. Any contact I have had with him has been minimim. I've tried asking on Fb "how are you?", "how was your holiday?", "how did it go" etc. The answers I've had are along the lines of "yes it was fine thanks" etc.

I want to get past the just getting on as I fear that when my parents are no longer with us we won't see each other. It seems that my parents are the only reason we see each other. I live a totally different life than him and his family. We have nothing in common. Any advice on how I can deal with this?

What about your sil? Do you have anything in common with her? Can you get her 'on side'?

How about asking him about his work, usually men like to drone on talk about that. Or sport.

How old are you? Can you and him go out alone together sometime - to the pub perhaps, and reminisce about your childhood?

I think you're right to try and get some dialogue between you but both my father and his siblings and fil and sibling have been a lot closer since their respective parents died. I think it sort of forces you to relate directly rather than always going through the parents iyswim. Obv not always the case but it doesn't have to be than once parents are dead (horrible thought) that all contact with siblings ceases.

Good luck.

I do get on better with my sil but I end up talking to her more than my brother.

I ask about work to him but he works in insurance so not much to talk about there. He's not really into sport. I've tried to talk to him about football even it's our own side. He is sort of interested but still it doesn't last long as his knowledge about them is limited. He is a member of a brass band. I can ask about the competions he's been in. He will open up a bit about that but that soon dries up.

I'm 42 but we can't really go out alone together for several reasons 1, it's family time. 2, he has a cold. 3, he has a strong adversion to pubs because he is t total and thinks that one glass of wine leads to alcholism. (Salvation Army).

My childhood with the age gap was him not wanting me to interupt him and his mates or girlfriend at the time. By the time I had gone past the annoying stage he was engaged. So mostly I felt like an only child. As he moved out when I was about 10ish maybe 11.

I will at least try and get us a photo together as we have not had a photo alone at all. It would be good at least to be able to tag him as my brother. I don't really know what he thinks of me. He has been there for me when really ill but I think that was mainly to do with sil thinking about it.