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Original poster

What would you do? Need advice

13 replies

2wwmadness · 08/12/2011 19:19

This will put me in RL so please don't mention if you recognise.
So, I am 19 weeks pregnant, and live a 3 hour drive away from my family. A month ago dh was offered a fantastic promotion out of the blue, it meant us moving to another part of the country. It just happens to be in the city my family live in, 2 hours from my extended family and childhood friends, so absolutely perfect for when our (first) baby is due in early may.
I currently live a 7 hour drive from my friends and extended family (all have children and best friends
Pregnant with second, very close circle of friends,
Miss them terribly) and see my mum and dad birthday christmas's ect. Anyways I'm rambling I'll get to tge point. It really is a great opportunity anyways.
Dh needed to start ASAP, I work in a big organisation with loads of stores across the country. Asked my area manager for a transfer, she said yes on 31st December if there is a position avalible. Leave it with her. Dh left yesterday and to cut a very long story short, my head office is saying no transfer is avalible. So, I have a few options. I go on my leave in janurary So im not on my own, can sort out hospital, New house ect and spend th last few months child free with my dh. I think it's too early to go on maternity leave in janurary of th baby is due may 4th, and feel like I'm being forced out.
Or,
I work untill end of feb, go on mat leave but have to be here on my own for 3 months. Not giving me much time to relax, move house ect. But have loads of time off with my baby (going back part time) and slightly pissing off my boss as she's making me feel forced to leave.

What would you do? When did you leave for maternity? I don't know what to do for the best?!?

Thanks for all tour advice

OP posts:
Original poster
2wwmadness · 08/12/2011 19:35

Sorry bout the spelling. On my iPhone. And very tired. It might be worth adding that I work in a job where I am on my feet (mid heel) all day, very busy, very physical and I need alot of energy!

OP posts:
Original poster
2wwmadness · 08/12/2011 20:15

Anyone?

OP posts:
Pantofino · 08/12/2011 20:23

I would not have thought you could start ML 4 months early??? Don't you have to work 26 weeks before you are entitled to it? Some HR person will come along and advise I am sure.

Why should you feel forced to leave? It is is your DH's job that has moved. Your company is not obilged to provide you with a nice convenient job somewhere else on your timing - sorry!

FWIW - my dh and I both faced redundancy. He got an intercompany transfer abroad. I didn't. They MIGHT have been able to find me something at some point in the future. I had to resign. I didn't even get redundancy. I was pissed off - but that is how it is.

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Original poster
2wwmadness · 08/12/2011 20:37

They don't have to, but said they would, but if they can't that's ok and it's more about when I leave.
I should offal this clearer but I can take 4 weeks holiday then start my maternity. So the earliest you can leave is 11 weeks before the baby's due date (which would be end of feb) 4 week holidays would take me to the last week in jan.
I just feel like they have made no effort to see this from my point of view (transfers are very common in our work, I've had 3 in the last year at their request to help them) I know it's not a given, but I am suspicious as there are positions advertised in the area but not avalible inches I asked about them. But anyways, I was just wondering if people had any regrets/advice about when they left work.

OP posts:
Original poster
2wwmadness · 08/12/2011 20:38

Again, sorry. Predictive text and long nails don't mix!

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Pantofino · 08/12/2011 20:47

It's a bummer - but they are a business and under no obligation to sort your personal life. Women's experiences of leaving for ML aren't going to help you here as most will have finished a month or less before unless for medical reasons - which doesn't apply here.

As I see it, you work til end Feb and take your ML, taking your holiday in Feb maybe so you effectively go on leave end Jan. And you hope they find you a transfer in that time. Or you hand in your notice.

Original poster
2wwmadness · 08/12/2011 21:00

But I could still stay on till a month before, we have a house here, just dh would be in another city. I can go back part time in my new city no problem, after I'd had the baby. I was planning to take a year off, then go back part time. So, I was asking other ladies experiences as I wanted to know will it make a difference going back when the baby is 8 months or 11 months or what?!? At 8 months will I fin it harder than going back at 11 months? This is my 1st dc, I don't want to regret not holding our a few months if it means it breaks my heart leaving the baby at 8 months?! I suppose I just wanted to hear others experiences before I make my final decision

OP posts:
Pantofino · 08/12/2011 21:05

Now I am confused. You can't START ML til Feb whatever you do. It is not a case of leaving now and having longer off. If you leave NOW - you have to resign. If you work til end Feb, then you can have your 12 month ML.

Pantofino · 08/12/2011 21:11

And then you would be 29 weeks PG which would mean you had to return to work after about 9.5 months. Or you stay where you are and work til 36 weeks and get a bit longer

Pantofino · 08/12/2011 21:15

My personal experience is that babies cope better with the change the smaller they are. Easier to leave a 6mo than a 1yo than an 18mo.

Original poster
2wwmadness · 08/12/2011 21:25

Sorry I'm obviously not being clear

  1. I take 4 weeks holiday from last week of janurary. Takeaternoty leave from last week of feb, take a year off, come back pt when baby is 8 months. Go and live in new city with dh and family from end of jan.

  2. I suck it up and stay here (3 hours) from dh and family, work untill 1st march, take 4 weeks holiday and start maternity leave from April 1st (one month before due date)
    Not sure why I didn't put it like that in the 1st place.

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Pantofino · 08/12/2011 23:22

Personally I would find it much harder to keep 2 houses going for that time, than to put child in into part time creche/nursery or whatever at a slightly earlier age (whne they settle more easily)

Original poster
2wwmadness · 09/12/2011 07:25

Hmm, interesting. Dh would keep one house, I would keep the other. We are lucky we could afford both easily. So I suppose my only issue is leaving the child when I decide to go back. Think I will work till end of feb, take 4 weeks holiday and then go on may leave for a year. I was working how many weeks that was. It doesn't look to bad. And I value my role a a mother more than my job. I Can pick my career up again when dc is in school. Some thIngs are more important

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