BOMBSHELL JUST DROPPED, HELP ME DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH!

[reeniemartini]

Hi all,

I'm not sure this is the right site for this but you all have more experience than I at these things. I have been compelled to write my first post after some news I had yesterday and would really appreciate some advice from people that are totally disconnected from our situation. Maybe you will help me to see things more clearly!

Please bear with me I've been up until 5am this morning with all these questions going around in my mind.

I am getting married in August 200 miles away from where I live. My sister and I are very close and she kind of has links to the local wedding industry and due to the fact that she brilliantly arranged her own wedding from scratch 3 years ago was going to play a major role in helping me with mine. She's was basically keeping an eye on all things local that I couldn't get to. Bless! She was even making our cake!
For the past year her husband and her have been trying for a baby, after no success they were starting the hospital tests route and were going to stop trying for a few months so it wouldn't clash with out wedding.
Phone call yesterday, too late.........She's pregnant! Fabulous news of course, I'm over joyed. Problem? It's due 1/2 weeks before our wedding.
She was so upset, I was telling her not to worry. She was saying it won't change anything saying "I will still be there as much as I would if I wasn't preggers."
Firstly I know that's true - she will try not to let it get in the way of anything but I can't see how it's possible - and do I really want here stressing herself like that?
Secondly - 1/2 weeks, that's pretty close - what's the bets that it happens on the day? How would I feel worrying for the next 9 months that that may happen? How would my parents feel torn between the birth of there first grandchild and their other daughters wedding day?
She's either going to be so heavily pregnant that she's not going to want want to move in the summer heat, or only just delivered her first child with all the scariness that involves.
Basically I'm thinking should we just take all of this out of the equation and move the date of the wedding. If I have it end of September, I won't have to think about any of that and she won't have to worry and can enjoy being pregnant.
I'm not an expert on these things, how do you feel a week or two before or after giving birth?
If we can rearrange without incurring any extra costs should we?
How did you all feel two weeks prior / after giving birth?

My sister did the same to me - her DD was born 3 weeks early and was 4 weeks old at our wedding. My sister was going to be a bridesmaid but we decided not to go ahead with that.

With my first, I was in and out of hospital from 35 weeks and DS born at 38 weeks. Wasn't greatest ever birth experience and wasn't really up to much until after he was about 6 weeks old, so 4 weeks after he was originally due.

I would say if you could move your wedding easily, that might be a good idea. Although if I had been the pregnant person I would probably have felt guilty about it! You are being a great sister I think :)

If you can move your wedding, do. Babies arrivals and first few weeks present all sorts of variables and if you are able to move your wedding easily enough you'll be removing a whole load of stress from yours, your sisters and your parents shoulders.
Plus Sept weddings rock. My Sept 09 wedding was the best weather day all summer!

Hi reeniemartini - this is my first post on here too (not that that's relevant).

Reading between the lines of your post I'm guessing that your sister is very early days. (Within 2 weeks?) Trying to be realistic rather than harsh, I'd look into the logistics of moving your wedding backwards (or forwards if that works) but maybe hold off for a few more weeks until you actually do anything (if indeed you decide to). These are very early days for your sister's pregnancy and anything could happen in the next couple of weeks (of course please God it won't).

There's no major panic just yet as you're still 9 months away. I'd get wedding insurance if you haven't already just in case (and look into whether this would be covered in the policy you choose).

You'll want your special day to be perfect and by the sound of your relationship with your sister you'll want her to enjoy it too. Good luck!

You sound like a really considerate person! As said before, if you can move easily then do - though she won't be able to do much or any final arrangements.

In had a c section and attended a wedding exactly 2 weeks after. Took lots of pain killers and I was fine. Baby was with us and wedding was around 100 miles away from where we live and it snowed! Slightly difficult logistics but fine.

Just talk everything through with your sister. And don't worry about your mum's divided loyalties - as long as both don't happen the same day I think it will be ok.

Good luck and ENJOY planning your wedding!

Thanks everyone, it's really great to get a fresh perspective not having done the pregnancy or birth bit myself yet.
We are having problems with our venue anyway so moving it may kill two birds with one stone but I think I just need a week or so to let the news sink in and make a rational decision.

Personally I would involve her as much as you can. How close is the venue to her home? The chances of it being on the same day are tiny

Venue is close to her home. She had massive plans to be involved (she's a budding wedding planner) and that is almost the problem. I desperately need her help but at the same time I don't want her pushing herself. She's already said "don't worry I'll be there as much as I would if I wasn't pregnant" but I don't think that's a good thing for her to be trying to do!

But how involved can she be once the baby is born? Not sure I'd ahve been much good up until DS was about 9 months.

It'll be far easier for her to be involved when pregnant than with a newborn. I wouldn't move it back. Unless there are problems with the pregnancy I don't really see why it would affect her wedding planning. After all plenty of pregnant women work, or (even more tiring) look after their other kids while pregnant.

Oh whoops old thread! Wonder what the op decided.