I feel betrayed

[FlyingStart]

Something has happened to me, and I don't know how to handle it or what I should do.

Background: Back in 2009, my husband and I attempted to sell our home. We were selling though an internet site which was valid for a year. Anyway, we only received 2 offers around the asking price. We couldn't move onto another home (we 'lost' a house) and due to a series of failed chains, we decided not to put our house back on the market. Instead, we decided to make use of the year (well, actually 2 years, 2010 and 2011) by acting on the feedback from the Estate Agents and the 2 potential buyers. We have completed the works and we are now considering placing our home back on the market next March 2012.

I have a relative from abroad who is in the UK at the moment, and she would like to visit my family. She asked for some directions, and so I googled my postcode and come across various websites. I checked them out - for some reason when people (including deliveries) type in my postcode my neighbour's house usually appears. One website proved to be the exception and I was delighted. I doubled clicked the name of my property and scrolled down the page which had the google earth picture of our home. And there was the malicious comment about our home and it's still there. Someone has taken the time to register with the website in summer 2010 (so the comment has been there for over a year) slating my home. I mean, questioning its value, even though the house was NOT on the market from winter 2009 onwards and at the time the comment was posted.

I can guarantee that the post/comment was not written by the 2 previous viewers, because some of the information posted was very specific and confidential and never discussed with the agent nor the viewers. In short, it could only have been written by a handful to whom I had parted with such specificinformation. For example, the person would have spoken to me about a specific figure/value that I was intending to put the house back on the market, or to accept as an offer. This particular figure/value has/had never been discussed by any Agent. The figure quoted on the post came out from my mouth, and my mouth only - not from any other source.

Feeling an utter sense of betrayal and fearing that such negative, untruthful and malicious post will put off potential buyers when I put the house back on the market, I wrote to the website yesterday and today, asking them to remove the post. They haven't remove the post. However, out of the 12 suspects, I had narrowed it down to a possible 3 possible. I therefore e-mailed and spoke to all 3, and I'm afraid to say, 1 person stood out in their response. They didn't even bother to deny writing the nasty comment.

I really trusted this person. Yet the comments she wrote have been on the internet for billion people to read since summer 2010. I cannot even begin to describe how violated I feel. There she has been smiling at me, looking after my dd, being all friendly for over a year, yet behind my back she has been very, very spiteful and unkind. To make matters worse, both our children are in the same year and same school, so I can?t just cut her out.

If I blank her (take her off Facebook friend, ignore her etc) I genuinely fear something. I personally think you need to be a psycho to go through all the trouble of finding my house on the internet, registering with the website (its www.mouseprice.com btw) and taking the time to write such a spiteful review about my home but at the same time, being as nice as pie to my face. She knows I love my home to bits and I don't want to sell it, even though our family needs to because we have outgrown the house.

So where do I go from here? What would you do?

I'm not surprised you feel this way. I would too. Are you certain it is this person? Let's assume she did do it. As you cannot easily walk away from knowing her, could you try talking to her again? I would not, in the conversation, say how upset she has made you: if she has done this and not denied it she doesn't care, and may be looking for a confrontation But I would tell her that it is unacceptable behaviour and that she should think about how she has acted, and how this reflects on her in others' minds Be open to listening to her side, but firm in your views. Your alternative is to say nothing and drop her as fast as you can, without causing waves. Certainly sleep on it before acting.

Now having done the rational answer can I just say, she is a mean, small-spirited, immature bitch.

Don't do anything for a few days until you are less angry.

I am not surprised you are furious! What a weird thing to do. Was she trying to stop you from moving?

You have been betrayed so you are right to feel the way you do.

Alas, I am certain - I have it in writing. Although the tone of her reply in her e-mail was more annoyance/pssed off that she had been found out. Plus she accused me of lying to her. She said that I had lied to her, as she claims that I had told her back in the summer of 2010 that the house was on the market with an agent at the value she quoted. She claims that others heard me say it as well. In other words, she's twisting things to make me sound bad. I am sorry she misunderstood what I said, but that does not excuse the post she wrote. I remember saying that I intended to place the house on the market for £x, not* that it is on the market for £x IYSWIM.

When I first read the post, I thought, there must be a mistake. I could feel myself going red in the face, not in anger, but embarassment. I felt numb but then a sick feeling. It is also having to point it out to dp as well, which was hard. He's told me so many times that she's a snake in the grass, that I should not trust her, but she has been so kind to me - or so I thought. I've feel tricked by her and now I feel somewhat ashamed.

At pick up time, when I saw her - she avoided me - she kept her head down - I didn't know whether to burst into tears or laughter. Another mother is having a spot of trouble at the moment and I am trying to help her out, so at least my mind and attention was on the other mother/matters.

But as I sit in front of the screen now, I'm thinking sh*t. She knows so much about my home and family. I can't believe I have been so stupid, so trusting.

I am grateful to my dp because had it been the other way round, I would have flipped at him. He has been so calm. When I showed him the post, he said calmly, "how many times have I told you to watch what you say?" To be fair, he had warned me not to discuss certain things, as he pointed out that people do gossip. But there's a difference between gossiping at home amongst friends, and pasting those views on an open website for the whole world to read.

savoycabbage - that's what another friend recommended. She said calm down first before you say or write something that I may later regret. She has also pointed out that on Facebook you can pick and choose who reads/access what, so I have changed all my settings and photo albums to custom¬friends¬Hide this from (name of person). Thus cutting her off that source of information about our family. I will probably quietly 'defriend' her over the Christmas holidays when I don't have to see her the next day. I know, I'm being a coward, but I don't what a confrontation which will then affect the children.

What a mess. I still can't believe this has happened to me. I am such a fool, she's probably laughing at me now with her friends. Taking the mickey out of me that it has taken me this long to find out.

I am a fool.

You are not a fool. You trusted someone and they took advantage. It's a horrible feeling.

Thank you Yourefired. It's comforting to read reassuring words. I've been reading some of the other posts on mumsnet, and it's heartening to know that there kind and honest people out there, and they are a credit to the web.

I did not sleep well last night but I'll try to fall asleep tonight.

I'll bet that her friends are secretly thinking "If she can do something as petty and vindictive as this to FlyingStart, I hate to think what she might have done to me behind my back."

Hold your head high. She's the one who should be embarrassed, not you.

I've decided not to cause waves and just drop her and have nothing to do with her again. As coppertop says, in public, I will hold my head high. In my mind, she's a psycho and the less dealings I have with her, the better.

I know this sounds melodramatic, but I feel as if I'm in mourning.

I've tried to think the reasons why she did it. Dp asked me what time the post had been written, as sometimes when people have had a few drinks too many (either at home or out) and come 10pm they hit the keyboard, and perhaps type things that they perhaps would not have done had they been more sober. But the post was written at lunchtime, so presumably she was sober.

She doesn't live anywhere near me, and she's wealthier than me and she lives in a lovely house. Perhaps she didn't want me to move into what she deems to be a nicer house than my current one? If that's the case, then I had a very unhealthy friendship with her without realising it.

It's made me question all her motives. I've spent the whole morning reading through messages and e-mails. She has so kindly volunteered to do so many things for me and invited me to all the nice places. All along I've been thinking I am so lucky to have such a wonderful friend.

I am in complete disbelief. It will take some time for me to get over this. I am also worried that she's posted other stuff I've said or done on other sites, that I may never know about. It just goes to show that I don't really know people that well.

I know her dp, I even know her mother! Unbelievable.

She's one of the only 3 people I have opened my heart to. I'm thinking back to all those chats I've had with her. I've detailed holiday plans, confided in her about my mother and father that I haven't even told dp. FFS, my father has even mentioned things, for example, his acrimonious divorce from my mother, that he's never mentioned to any other of my friends.

I'll stop now because I'm begining to ramble and not make any sense. Needless to say, I am truly gutted. I'll go shopping with the children now, I can't keep staring at a computer screen, raking over past e-mails all day.

I think you are doing the right thing and I agree with you that the less you gave to do with her the better, as she is a loon.

You might never find out why she did it. Try Not to think about it too much today. Throw yourself into Christmas or whatever else you might have going on at the moment. Do something lovely with your children.