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friend issues!

13 replies

Firefly2 · 09/11/2011 18:32

I have had two friends for about 15 years now and we have always got on great and supported each other. Up until recently (last year or so). I have been out with them and they have more or less ignored me, not deliberatly I don't think, more that I feel they had no interest in me. Then there was a time when they both got quite annoyed with me for not going to a party with them ( I had very little money and couldn't afford it as well as actually preferring to spend time with my children as I work all week). I couldn't believe they were so cross about it and didn't understand. They said I never bother to go out with them but from my perspective I feel I see them quite regularly when I get a baby sitter. I feel the two of them have become very clicky and I know they have been speaking badly about me behind my back. I recently ended the friendships and they have both been in touch saying how they don't want to lose my friendship but I am not sure I can forgive them, and am not convinced they are doing it for reasons other than they didn't like me rejecting them. Now here's the problem, I am getting married in March and now have to send out invites....I don't know whether to include them or not?? Any advice would be much appreciated! Thanks Thanks

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 09/11/2011 18:35

If you don't know whether to invite them or not then maybe that is your clue.

LowLevelWhiiingeing · 09/11/2011 18:35

That's difficult Sad

When you think about having them at your wedding, do you feel happy to have a chance to have them back in your life, perhaps on a new start basis? Or does it feel like a huge relief if they're not there?

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 09/11/2011 18:40

I think it's easy. You don't like them. You don't like them enough to actually remove them from your life.

I don't think you really want them at your wedding, do you?

Surely your wedding is for you, your friends and family.

You removed these people from the list of those you call friend.

Have they acknowledged the way they treated you and apologised for it? Maybe if they have done that and you feel they really mean it, and you actually want them back in your life, then you could meet up and see how it goes.

But to go from 'stay out of my life' to 'come to my wedding' makes no sense, imo.

bagelmonkey · 09/11/2011 18:40

If you really can't decide, then I'd say it's better to regret inviting them than to regret not inviting them, iyswim.

newgirl · 09/11/2011 18:45

Why not arrange to go out for lovely dinner and try not to discuss anything too heavy and see how it goes? If you have a great time then move forward. I think they sound like they made an effort?

Firefly2 · 09/11/2011 19:45

Thanks for the feedback :) Goddessofthenight - yes I can see why it doesn't make sense! I suppose I am just sad that I have known them for all that time and now I am having one of the biggest events of my life without them. I have thought about arranging to meet up with them to start afresh but I haven't done it which I suppose speaks volumes. They haven't acknowledged any wrong on their part but say they still would like to be friends. I suppose I wish for an apology but it is not forthcoming!! Thanks for the advice everyone :)

OP posts:
mummytime · 09/11/2011 20:12

Sorry to be cynical, but could they be trying to make up with you because they fancy coming to your wedding?

MangoMonster · 09/11/2011 20:16

If you don't miss them, don't invite them, by then I'm into smaller weddings.

Firefly2 · 09/11/2011 20:17

mummytime - I think they genuinely believe they have done nothing wrong, I have tried to talk to them about it but come away feeling ganged up on. So yes I guess they probably do want to come to the wedding but I think I have made up my mind - I guess I de-friended them for a reason!!

OP posts:
Trills · 09/11/2011 20:23

Maybe they have done nothing wrong, and you haven't done anything wrong either, maybe you are just growing apart.

LowLevelWhiiingeing · 09/11/2011 20:46

It sounds like these relationships make you feel bad. Friendships are by choice (unlike family Wink) and are supposed to feel good. It sounds like you know what you want to do.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 09/11/2011 21:32

You mean they'll graciously forgive you for being so unreasonable.

Grin

Regardless how long someone has been in your life, sometimes - they have to get binned.

Lulaloo · 10/11/2011 13:09

That you have posted at all makes me think that it does bother you and the situation has upset you.
I would invite them anyway. These things happen in life. If you do not invite them you may end up regretting it.
Poor you good luck whatever you decided and good luck with he wedding!

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