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Original poster

Halloween cock-up WWYD?

25 replies

Slilou · 01/11/2011 10:22

hi. this is complicated-ish but will try to summarise briefly!
-we arranged with next door neighbours to go trick or treating at 6.15 yesterday
-at 5pm i was flagged down in my car by neighbour (the dh) and told they had a burst pipe, so trick or treating was probably going to have to be cancelled as their dc would be going to grandparents down the road whilst they sorted the leak

  • i am thinking... 4 very disappointed kids!!! to late to rearrange alternative.... so offered to take their dc (10 and 8) with us so they would be free to take care of their domestic crisis.
  • the dh said he'd let me know in an hour (ie 10 mins before our planned departure time)
-6.00 came and went. no update from him. knocked on his door. they were out. my dc getting restless/ disappointed -6.30 we are on the verge of going trick or treating alone (just family) when the dh knocks on door saying 'saying sorry, sorry, the dc will be back in 15 min, is that too late?'
  • we told him that was fine and agreed to wait
-at 7.20 his dc arrived home, with another family in tow, and had already been trick or treating with them!! so all the time my dc were patiently waiting- for over an hour- trying to be neighbourly, while they sorted their domestic mishap- they were off having fun!!
  • they looked slightly embarrassed but offered no explanation
-the dh, their dc, me and my family went tr or tr eventually, while i quietly seethed.

by the time we got going, the streets were really quiet and the atmospheric halloween vibe had passed. many families had run of of treats... dd 7 already tired due to changing of clocks...you get the picture... it was an obvious washout.

these neighbours are new to the street. they seem lovely and we get on well. WWYD by way of dealing with/ addressing this? don't want to fall out with them, but we are pretty pissed off, tbh.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 01/11/2011 10:24

What would I do?? Nothing...

I would do nothing. Halloween has gone now I would leave future arrangements to them.

Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 10:27

what do you mean re leaving future arrangements to them?

OP posts:
MrsRetchingBloodAndGuts · 01/11/2011 10:27

Agree with tiffany, I just wouldn't rely on their timekeeping again and would arrange nothing with them ever again.

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Events & celebrations
GypsyMoth · 01/11/2011 10:28

If they want you to meet up/do stuff, then let THEM arrange it

Pancakeflipper · 01/11/2011 10:29

I would do nothing.

I would also be hesitant in stepping forward to offer similar hospitality for a while. Friendly, polite but a step back until the simmering has faded.

But they might pop round to apologise for the faffing about.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse · 01/11/2011 10:29

I'd drop it. They obviously had a lot going on. I do understand your disappointment though.

Bunbaker · 01/11/2011 10:29

I agree with ILT. Just put it down to experience. They had a crisis to deal with and everything went pear shaped. You might like to mention in passing that your children were disappointed, but I would leave it at that.

Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 10:31

thanks mrs.

tiffany, just to be clear, it was an existing mutual arrangement between the mum and me.
the conversation with the dh was only trying to salvage it to avoid very disappointed children. did i make that clear in my OP?

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 01/11/2011 10:32

Well now you know that they are a bit disorganised / don't think things through for the effects on others, plan around it.
For example you could say that their DC are very welcome to come with yours trick or treating, and that you will be leaving at 6pm if they can make it. If they haven't come by 25 to, give them a knock and say that you are leaving now, if they are ready? If they aren't, just goSmile

Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 10:36

bigtilly, yes i agree. and that stance would work well in a group. but, as it was just their 2dc and my 2dc, that meant that my grown up dd1 would be trick or treating with just her little sis. ie big disappointment.

their ds was very nervous last year doing trick or treating, apparently, so we kept it small group/ low key for their benefit!

OP posts:
Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 10:38

i just can't understand why they didnt ring and say 'we've hooked up with x and their 2dc and are in the village already... can we meet you there' rather than leaving us like lemons at home waiting for them while they trick or treated without us, at the exact time we'd arranged to go.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 01/11/2011 10:43

Yes, that was just inconsiderate.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 01/11/2011 10:51

How rude!!!

I'm surprised you didn't say so at the time, I don't think I would have been able to stop myself!

I think if you see her today you should say something to the Mum. Let her know what was arranged, how late her kids were and how upset yours were. She may not have realised what was said.

Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:00

Chipping, when she arrived on her driveway, we went out she asked if we were still going trick or treating, to which i said a bit tersely 'yes, we've been waiting for you'. so in that respect, i couldnt help myself either. to say more wouldve spoiled the night further.

thing is, i do tend feel quite cross when someone is rude / inconsiderate and have learnt from experience not to react at the time, in case i over react...

hence me posting on here. all part of reflecting before reacting!

OP posts:
Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:01

thanks , bun. didnt mean to ignore you.

OP posts:
MrsVoltar · 01/11/2011 11:11

I think you probably bent over backwards too much to accomodate them and thats why its soooo annoying. I do that too and sometimes have to remind myself not do it, unless its really close friends who I know will appreciate it.

Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:13

Mrs, i have to be honest. it wasnt all altruism. i was wanting to salvage the night for my own dc too.

OP posts:
MrsVoltar · 01/11/2011 11:14

Forgot to answer the WWYD part.

Would probably just chalk it up as experience & remember that they can be unreliable for anything similar.

Catsdontcare · 01/11/2011 11:19

I would be feeling pissed off too. probably wouldn't do anything now but next year don't make any firm plans with them and certainly don't rearrange your own plans for their benefit in the future.

I think given the burst pipe situation then I would allow for the fact that they were stressed and disorganised and trick or treating was low down on the priority list.

Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:23

totally agree, cats re- low priority. thats what i thought initially.

but then they turned up with another family. ie they weren't too stressed to organise that! very, very odd, imo.

OP posts:
irregularegular · 01/11/2011 11:28

I'd be a bit annoyed too - it's certainly a shame for your children - but I'd try to just swallow it and give them the benefit of the doubt. It was likely to have been a misunderstanding more than anything else. Sometimes what you think is a definite arrangement, someone else thinks is a vague possibility (as I've learned to my own cost). There were probably multiple people making arrangements (Dad, Mum, grandparents) and maybe they weren't communicating too well (understandably) and it all clashed. I imagine they really didn't realise you would wait for them.

If you like them and want to be friends I'd let it go. Innocent until proven guilty and all that.

Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:44

irregular, i dont want to sound contrary Smile

but the mum and i confirmed the arrangement in some detail the night before. no ambiguity, honest.

maybe the dh's involvement caused some miscommunication, though.

OP posts:
MrsVoltar · 01/11/2011 11:54

DH's invovement usually guarantees miscommunication, IME Wink

KatieMortician · 01/11/2011 11:57

Next time I'd take my dc and say when they get back ring and we'll meet up. Then no one's disappointed.

Original poster
Slilou · 01/11/2011 12:05

yes, katie, that old friend hindsight Wink

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