New neighbours from hell!

[meryls]

Can anyone offer some words of wisdom? I have had a few from good friends but thought would ask mums on here! We have neighbours who moved in this July next door to us (detached houses - private owned) who clearly didn't want to be friendly with us...didn't acknowledge our "new home" card, no eye contact. It is a couple with 2 girls and interestingly enough, the guy's mother lives on the other side of us and are supporters of the BNP. We have had no problems with the BNP family, though, in the 6 years we have lived here...all been very friendly, we take parcels in for each other, they looked after our house whilst we were on holiday 2 times...

2 weeks after the guy moved in, they were having a party and he came over and asked us to move our car that was parked in front of our garden (we were expecting visitors)! We said no, and he asked why! When given the reason, he asked when were they coming!! He didn't get what he wanted and off he trotted.

2 weeks ago, we noticed that the BNP couples daughter has parked her car partially over our drive so my husband asked her to move it one morning...we have asked her a few times over the 6 years without any problems. At half past 8 that night, he comes over banging on our door demanding to know why we had asked her! My husband told him and he accused us of blocking his wife in once...total lie! He said pathetic and went off.

This morning, I walked up our front garden to collect our wheelie bin and as he drove past he glared at me, clearly angry about something and made a hand gesture of some kind!!

I don't know what his problem is, we have done nothing to harm him or his family, we are non-confrontational types but our house is on the market and we are desperate to sell it, especially now. We know we are tied in reporting them as could affect our chances of selling!

What can we do about this???

[Wordsonapage]

Ignore them...

[bytheMoonlight]

Ignore.

They are clearly ignorant people that won't listen to reason. You will hopefully be out of there soon so just grin and bear it till that happy day arrives.

We have a lot worse neighbours than yours and ignoring it is our only option. Trying to reason or plead with people like this only seems to make things worse.

[thisisyesterday]

i would ignore it too

[tigerandtabs]

I would delete this thread and completely forget it before it escalates. In my view there is no real issue here, but it could become one and then become a problem for selling. Obviously, you will need to complete any forms accurately and truthfully but from memory they ask about disputes with neighbours, and this really is not a dispute, unless you let it become one. I would therefore do everything to avoid antagonising them, and only ask them to move a car if they are actually blocking you in. Falling out with neighbours is a no-win situation - if you want to move it can cause problems, and if you don't move you have to live next door to them. Good luck.

[dramatrauma]

Do what tigerandtabs says. Delete thread, pander to neighbours, no more non-essential contact. They sound vile but you have not yet had a dispute worth reporting. Don't encourage one.

[zipzap]

If you have only just put your house on the market I expect they're upset that you didn't do it sooner so they could be living next door to their parents/PIL rather than one away but that it's too expensive for them to move next door so soon after the other move.

And that's on top of them being generally anti-social neighbours - just sound like they are selfish and miserable regardless of political persuasion.

It might be worth keeping a diary of how anti-social they are; you don't need to make it public knowledge but then at least you will have the info if you need it. Fingers crossed you manage to sell soon but if you don't then you'll have the info to use if you need it rather than having to start from scratch further down the line. It will also give you a place to concentrate your annoyance and upset - you can write it in the book and park it there, rather than just have it mulling around your mind. Bit like when you can't get to sleep because of lots of ideas swimming around, write them down so you don't forget them but it takes the stress out as they are written down and you manage to fall asleep.

good luck and hope you sell soon!

[Bramshott]

I thought when I read the title it would be a thread about wild parties, loud music at 2am, drug taking, needles in the garden and constant abuse. . .

OP - this is a mild parking spat, and you're moving anyway. Smile, park carefully and ignore and ignore

[meryls]

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to reply...I really appreciate what you say...yes, I know there are worse neighbours out there and this is trivial compared to many awful situations. I needed to hear that! Zipzap, thats an interesting point you make...I hadn't thought of that! Possibly right...

We've started writing down all "incidents" and yes, zipzap again, spot on about why this is a useful thing to do. It helps a bit to get it all of out my head...

This was my first post on mumsnet and I am really heartened by the responses you get and how much better you can feel for just writing on a forum!

THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL YOUR KIND AND REALISTIC WORDS OF ADVICE!

[thisisyesterday]

let's just hope you find a buyer and can move quickly so you don't have to put up with any more.
have you found somewhere to move to yet?

[tigerandtabs]

I think you are making a huge mistake writing it all down, unless you would be happy for prospective buyers to read it ????? If you really want to sell your house, without having to lie when you fill in the various forms about any problems etc, then you must, must, must delete this thread and ignore everything, having no contact other than a nice smile whenever you see them, unless you are actually blocked into your driveway. Writing it down will just make you obsess about it, which isn't healthy for your head or your house-sale.

[meryls]

No,thisisyesterday...it only went on internet 2 weeks ago and in local paper just under so early days, unfortunately. I rung estate agents yesterday and market slow, time of year etc...think we're going to have to sit this out over Xmas/new year. Wish we could do part exchange on a new house/build as seen some we like but we want to downsize (cheaper/smaller) and can't part exhange if new house lower price.

The wifey banged on our door last night (about half 4 so not as late as he did last time and not as hard) and accused ME of glaring at hubby and putting two fingers at him! Lying again. She made a mild threat and so I told her to get off our property etc but then changed my mind and thought best to talk it out with her as she looked more amenable to talk to. I asked her to talk reasonably as opposed to shouting and although gobby, she did listen to me rattle off most of our grievances and I felt so much better getting it out with her. She defended him, of course, and played the sympathy card as he is partially deaf (I knew this already)...I went along with her as she said sometimes he misunderstands/doesn't communicate properly or words to that effect. We agreed to disagree on who didn't talk to who first etc and she said it may be best just to be polite and say good morning etc. I agreed - she threatened me a bit again though at the end with me not to put two fingers up and I replied that as long as he doesn't bang on our door again esp at night...she said right and so did I!

I don't know if he will stay out of our way...I'm happyish enough with her but he's psychotic...

What do you think? Did I do the right thing and talk to her or could it be waste of time?? Time will tell...

[meryls]

No, not sure I agree with you tigerandtabs...we've completed the forms for house to solicitors already and haven't written down anything about this on them! Not relevant for forms...this is a personality clash...no problem with boundaries/noise/planning permission etc. We don't intend to do anything more now about the parking issue UNLESS we are completely blocked in, of course.

We haven't referred this to the local council or police etc and don't intend to as we have been told once that is recorded, we will have to declare it! Writing all contacts down privately is doing no wrong and is in fact recommended by most agencies...need a diary of events JUST IN CASE. It doesn't go anywhere official! On mumsnet, I am anonymous - you don't know my name, address, email address...I may well delete this when no more replies come in so agree with you on that one just because I won't need it to keep it anymore.

[redlac]

ignore him

however he is not psychotic because he is weird about parking and tells some fibs, strange but not psychotic

[AgathaCrusty]

I think you need to get your head down, try to avoid eye contact in case you are seen as provoking them, and just sit it out until you move.

Getting into some kind of 'he said, she said' dialogue can't really help in the long run. They obviously have their own grievances, whether justified or not, so although you may feel better for saying your piece, you would have to accept them giving you their version too. Best all round to maintain a dignified distance, I think.

[Ellefabulosa]

When you have a purchaser their solicitor will ask you to fill in forms which will include disputes. Further prospective buyers always ask about neighbours. If you lie then buyers have the right to seek recompense. Not sure what advice to give - I would hate to not get on with neighbours.