I've fallen out with my neighbours....

[girliefriend]

On friday they had a party (they are a couple who live in the flat above mine) and kept me awake til 4am, needless to say I was very annoyed and I put a note through their door to ask that in future they try and keep the noise down.

Well that doesn't seem to of gone down very well and i've had a note back complaining that they are often fed up with my dds (age 5yo) tantrums which she does have occasionally.

I hate confrontation and now feel like I should appologise.

WWYD?

I wouldn't apologise, a 5 year olds tantrums are very different to being kept awake until 4am because of a party. You have nothing to apologise for.

Imagine how they will feel when they have children! A 5year old having a tantrum is not planned and cannot be silenced or quietened very easily as you watch the clock and think of the neighbours. Leave it.

It feels horrible now and I am dreading my dd having a tantrum thanks ladies I know you are right.

Dont apologise. They shouldve let you know they were planning a big blow out. No more notes though. Speak face to face, they may not listen, but its worth a try. Better to act now than let things escalate.

Do they have regular parties or is this a one-off?

If it was a one-off, you have been incredibly intolerant.

Bake them a cake and make amends.

No not a one off but also not a regular problem iyswim?! Really wish I hadn't said anything but I was sleep deprived and feeling pissed off!!!

Definitely don't bake them a cake! That would be conceding that you were in the wrong, and there is nothing unreasonable about not wanting to be kept up until 4am - especially when you have a young child! They're the ones who were being inconsiderate, complaining about your child in response to you calling them up on their inconsiderate behaviour is just pathetic.

Next time it happens it would be better to knock on their door at the time and point out how loud they are and how late it is.

a cake? nononono. just pop round and talk it through calmly. neighbour quarrels are Too Much Stress. Ask them to give you warning and tell them that as much as your DD has no volume control, you are of course doing your best to minimise any inconvenience to them. Be the bigger person, stop sending notes.

Don't apologise - or bake them anything! 4am parties are bloody inconsiderate, and they were lucky you didn't call the police on them. They sound as if they are clutching at massive straws, if all they could come up with is "your child has tantrums" - idiots.

You have the moral high ground, rise about their stupidity and ignore. If they repeat the 4am party then call the police the next time and let them deal with it.

Thanks ladies, am hopeless with confrontation and as I think they are not particuairly nice people am not going to talk to them but just let it go and hope they take the hint to keep the noise down at night. Its actually made me think about moving as not sure living in a flat is for us, don't want to be worried every time dd has a paddy!!!

I had a neighbour getting in a stress about the kids playing in the street. We live in a wide cul de sac with no through traffic and everyone has a double drive. The kids play footy etc but only with a sponge ball as we know a hard normal football could mark the cars. This fool got in a stress when a ball flew over his head while he was washing his car, the ball didn't hit him or his car. He told the kids to 'piss off' amongst other things and scared them. We confronted him and he did eventually apologise. He claimed the kids sometimes swear, they probably do, all kids do. My point was that he was a grown up and should know better, the kids are finding their way in the world and learning acceptable behaviours. Same with your neighbours. Point out that you are sorry that she gets a bit loud sometimes but she is a child and they should know better.