Husband kicked in the back by wedding party - do I complain?

[marykat2004]

Hi, I'm just throwing this out there to see what anyone else might do. I am very angry but not sure if there is anything to be achieved by writing a letter of complaint.

Yesterday my family and I visited a stately home and gardens. The grounds and buildings are open to the general public. We paid to get in as visiting members of the public.

My husband has health problems, recently lost his father and was feeling tired. While I took our daughter to see the farm and maze, my husband had a rest on the grounds near some old buildings in a sort of villagey part of the grounds. While he was resting, lying down on a blanket, a wedding party turned up. Rather than asking my husband to move, someone kicked him in the back.

I find this behaviour outrageous. If you want a member of the public to move so you can do your wedding photos, then surely you cam ask them to move, rather than kicking them.

I would like to make it clear to the people who book weddings that since the area is open to the public, wedding parties should respect the public. I think the people that book weddings should be aware of this.

I tried to complain to someone yesterday but kept getting shoved from one catering staff to another and finally gave up, taking the name and phone number of the person who books weddings.

So, should I write a letter to male this known, or just forget about it?

Thanks for any input.

OP here. I have been out for day and just got back. (Not at a stately home and grounds this time.)

Anyway... I did try to complain to several people at the time and they kept sending me to other people.

DH was lying on the ground on a blanket where the wedding party was going to do their photos. When DD and I got back from seeing another part of the park, we saw the wedding there, and saw that DH was not there. I figured that he had been asked to move. Fair enough not to want a stranger in your wedding photos.

I did not see exactly what happened as I wasn't there. If I had been there with him it would have been a lot different. For one, I would have noticed the wedding party arriving (it was a small courtyard with a lawn, not the larger park areas) and opted to move even before being asked to. But that's just me.

DH says he was awake, and did not hear anyone speak to him about moving. The only thing he heard was "we better watch out not to trip over that," (Using the word "That" instead of "him") and then felt a kick to his back. He then got up and moved to a place where he stood up waiting for DD and I to come back.

And no, he did not see which person it was. DD asked him if it had been a child an d DH was certain it was not a child, or toddler who might not have known better. DH said it felt like an adult.

Well, one good outcome of this may be that DH has shaved off that ghastly beard and looks 20 years younger!

No chance of him being drunk (not had a drop in 3 years), but having a scruffy beard (not even a goatee) and checked shirt, trendy as that look is in London, it still says 'bum' in the provinces. So, 'normal' for Shoreditch, but not 'normal' for the leafy suburbs!

Re insurance, um, this is the UK, we don't have insurance companies. I don't think he is seriously hurt but humiliated.

I have written to the park and wedding booking people but not contact the couple themselves, and will not. Thanks for that bit of advice, I think it's the best idea.

So he just stood there like a pudding after being kicked and did not say anything?

Hake
Cod
Haddock.

Why didn't he look? Why did he not turn round and tell whoever did it to fuck off? As soon as he heard the 'that' comment would have been a good time to sit up. I'm having trouble picturing this!

mm, yeah, it makes him out to be a real wimp. grr.... some people are wimps and he was feeling down any way. I do hope that looking less like a bum will help his self esteem. I know they are popular but I hate beards (still, I would never kick someone for having one!!). Yeah, I wonder, too, why he didn't say anything, but he must have felt intimated being surrounded by people all dressed up.

It is unforgivable. But you need to ask yourself what's in it for you to take it any further? The venue can't be held responsible for the behaviour of others. As neither of you saw who did it and have no witnesses, you are unlikely to get anywhere with the police.

I would just put it down to experience and move on. Carrying on with it will just remind your husband of his "humiliation" and he may feel it even more so by having you fight his battles for him .

So difficult to lose a parent - best just concentrate on just getting through today and hope tomorrow will be better.

I don't see why MaryKat's DH should have had to defend himself. He maybe did not want to make a scene. Or was embarrassed.

And MK is not fighting his battles, just asking for advice on a website that she uses.

Seriously, I would email the venue and tell them that you were very upset by this incidence, and that their response was in no way acceptable.

If you don't want to take it further, fair enough but think it is unfair to insinuate that your DH is a wimp/tramp-looking.

Thank you, Smelli. Very good advice. I don't think I ever wanted to involve police (unless there was a real injury and there doesn't seem to be), but I did want the people who book weddings to be aware that wedding parties need to respect the paying public who use the same grounds.

I recall when DH and I got married at a country hotel, that the manager said even though our party "looked a little weird" we behaved better than most wedding parties. Something about people being dressed up that makes them think they can act obnoxiously, trash hotels, and kick strangers. That is what seems strangest of all to me. Can't people have a special day without having to be destructive in some way?

Um, we do have insurance companies in the UK...

But WTF re someone kicking your DH?! I would email/write to the venue and tell them that if they do not respond appropriately you will be contacting the police re this unprovoked attack on your DH which took place in their grounds.

Can I ask a quite significant question: you said your wedding party 'looked a little weird' - are you goths/punks/emos? Is it possible that someone just took against him because he did look a bit of a sight? I'm not defending it, but I'm curious now.

And still boggling that he would not rise up and at least tell them to f off frankly

I'm puzzled about the looking weird comment
But not particularly puzzled about the not rising to it issue - I can imagine at the moment if I was kicked in the back by a stranger I'd lie there and hope they went away. State of mind, and I bet the OP#s DH wasn't good

lol I think we are old punks, i don't think we look weird any more, but at our wedding we had some cross dressed people, that's all it was, but it was far out in the west country where homophobia is rife, and we had quite a few gay friends as well. All behaved respectfully towards hotel, staff and surrounding public, though we got a few looks from elderly ramblers on the coastal paths when we were out front for photos.

Ah well, some people are of very little brain. Sorry it had to be possibly the worst possible time for your DH to be kicked in the back by some tosser though :(

How did you find their FB page btw. Do you know them? I would be tempted to put something on there, asking if the ignorant wanker who thinks it's ok to go round kicking people wants to own up.

I can't believe some of the excuses on here. Drunk, tramp, asleep it possibly dead, how the fuck is any of those reason to kick someone?

Yes, good point, GML - how did you know their names to find their FB page? Did the hotel tell you? Although I think I would be too scared of getting into a slanging match with the kind of people who go around kicking people to post anything...

Aw, poor DH. I don't think there's anything you can do except give him a hug and move on. From the way you've now described the kick, it could even have been an accident.

Can I just say, OP: I really love that a) you put this in the Etiquette section and b) we then actually had a debate about the etiquette of kicking bearded and non-bearded men

Their names were on a sign outside the banquet hall. I took the names down in order to write a complaint as there were 2 wedding parties that day. The second party arrived a bit later, after the first one went inside.

It's easy to find anyone on facebook, if they are daft enough to use their real name. I was being nosey. On the bright side, I once found a Blackberry mobile phone and managed to return it to its owner via facebook. So there can be good from social networking. They must have found that weird but I would hope someone would do the same if I lost my mobile.

Ah, that makes sense, I was a bit when I thought the venue had passed on their names.

Someone once returned my wallet to me via FB, I was incredibly touched and didn't find it weird, I was just grateful to them - am sure the BB owner felt the same way. BTW, do people not normally use their real names on FB, then?! Are my friends and I foolishly trusting? If you don't use your real name, how do friends find you or know you are when you try to "friend" them?

Sorry to hear your DH has had such a rotten time, and that some twunt acted like such a prize arse.

I'd definitely contact the event organiser at the venue. Tell them what happened and ask them that in future they make it clear to couples that they do not have exclusive use of the venue, and while they are welcome to have photos taken outside there will be members of the public there with a right to use the space too.
You could suggest the venue might like to contact the wedding couple to let them know that a complaint had been received about the conduct of the wedding party.