about DD's "friend"?

[CarrieOakey]

DD has a friend at home who is a couple of years older than her. She plays really nicely with DD but it seems to me she picks her up and then drops her when she has a better offer. This is probably normal behaviour but I do feel sad for DD. She came in tonight after being invited to her house for tea only to be "sent home" (by friend not by her parents) straight afterwards because another friend was coming round.

how old are we talking?

DD is 8 her friend is 10

Oh dear sorry for your daughter. I have a 10 year old and my observation is that at this age they become quite brutal. They are at, or nearing, the top of the school tree and take the people around them for granted. Believe me I had to do a lot of work on empathy with my own daughter. This is despite her being a "everyone is my best friend" kind of 8 year old. I think you have a case of two children at different points of development.

That said, I have a similar situation. A bygone relic of a nanny share my daughter sees a older child once a week. Like your situation the elder child plays well with my DD but does not consider her one of her best friends: my child does. I have got round this by organising their friendship around an activity once a week. In the course of this class they do my DD has made other friends in the class and when it's time (probably in september) for the older child to slope off I don't think my daughter will be too bothered.

Suggest that you make activity together around a set time, so no-one can tell the other to go, and play down the friendship. I hope things work out, I do understand how horrible it is to see your child hurt and how hard it is to manage these situations.

we have this situation where we live in a very small hamlet. Kids are mostly older but it is always the same they like to play with someone a little older. So if my 4 yo is playing with the 7 yo and the 10 yo appears my 4 yo is dropped like a hot potatoe. But similarly if the 11 year old appears the 10yo drops the 7yo!!

Fortunately most of the time it upsets me more than my kids.