DH just been handed 'dream opportunity' on a plate, in Oz. I'm floundering.

[lynniep]

As it says in the title, DH has just been offered his dream opportunity - a vast salary (equivalent of nearly twice what hes on now, and we arent struggling, put it that way) Relocation expenses + accomodation for 6 months.

We have 2 DS, youngest 20 months, eldest 4 (due to start school in September)

Bit of background - we lived on the North Shore in NSW for 15 months in 2005. DH loved it and has never stopped pining. I liked it, but felt the tug of home too much. I missed my dad, and my friends. I love England, its just the way I feel.

We moved back when I found out I was pg. We live in a lovely place with good schools, barely any crime, we have a nice house, lots of places to take the little ones, and close enough to see my friends now and then. We have jobs we dont love but mostly tolerate, and for DH in particular theres nowhere to go from there unless we move house or he commutes into London, which none of us want him to do.

If we do this, we have to decide now, and will only have a few months to get out there and sell this house. My reasons for staying arent as strong now - my dad died last year, and my oldest friends I only get to see a couple of times a year. I have a large social circle in my village, but mostly only aquantances that I chat to when I see. A couple of good friends that I've made in the last 5 years, who I still dont get to see that often, due to work and life getting in the way.

I know if we do this, thats it - no more yo yo-ing. One of my main misgivings is that since we left, prices have shot up over there - to get a decent house in the right area would cost us a lot more than here. I wouldnt move unless we could afford it - but now it seems we can.

The other 'problem' I have is that I had all these plans when the boys were older to take them to Europe for holidays and wotnot. It might seem a bit silly, but the thing is once you're in Sydney, theres no short haul trip other than Australia. I'm finding it hard to get my head around that, because we're talking about the rest of our lives.

I havent mentioned family, because whilst the grandmas will be devastated, I dont feel quite the same way and nor do the boys, as they dont get to see them that often anyway.

Careerwise, it would probably be much better for me to go - I'm stuck in a rut here and whilst I could get out of it, I think I'd be better off there.

Sorry I'm rambling - just trying to get down whats going on in my head!

Hi lynniep that's a dilemma alright. Have you done the 'pro's and cons on a bit of paper' thing? My immediate thought is that quality of life for kids growing up in Oz would be amazing. If DH is earning so much more, I presume some of that would be sucked up via a bigger mortgage if prices are higher than here, but could you then afford an annual trip back? See the Grandmas and all your friends in a 3 wk stint?

If I were you - Id go.

Its a huge opportunity its a huge chance.

You can go,you can make it work and it will undoubtedly be hugely advantageous for the dc.

Anyone wanting to see you still can,the worlds a small place now with internet and skype and everything.

You know the pros outweigh the cons.

And if it all goes tits up,you can come back,pick yourself up and start again- nothing is forever.

thanks for the response ejow!
The thing is, I think its unrealistic to say we'd make an annual trip back. You only get 20 days holiday, and I don't think I'd really want to spend them on a long haul trip followed by a sort of road trip to see everyone. Sounds a bit harsh, especially when its me that wants to see my friends, but I'm being realistic.

Yeah the mortgage would suck up his earnings a lot. I have to investigate how much tax would be taken off him as well (one of his reasons for hating it here is the amount of money the goverment take off him)

I did the pros and cons thing last time, and it was useful. I think my main problem are my feelings, which I can't do anything about. When I stepped onto British soil last time after those 15 months, it was like a weight was lifted. Only a little tiny weight, that I hadnt realised was there really, but it was, if that makes sense. I wasnt unhappy in Australia, but I missed 'home'.

Also I'm not really sure the quality of life is much different for children ( DH says different, obviously!) The weather is milder, yes, but the heat in mid-summer is horrendous. So someone telling me exactly why would be v. v. helpful!! They possibly have more graduate opportunites (blimey, thats a long way off)

Gaahh my mind is changing every five minutes!

I'd go. It doesn't have to be a "that's it" if it doesn't work out. Children are very resiliant. You could rent your house out, rather than sell it, to start with? That is what my brother and sister in law did when they moved to NZ....

GO, just go, You can always come back but the chance might not come up again. GO.

Go. I don't think youd regret going as much as you'd regret not going. Yes, European travel is harder from Oz, but not impossible! Just adds on maybe a day here and there travel wise, really in the grand scheme of things not too bad. You could plan to spend all the summer hols touring europe one year, or anything. You can always change your mind, you aren't trapped. I would give my right arm for an oppertunity like this.

Your DH wants to go. He the family will get double his salary.
You are not so sure, for quality of life reasons.

Can you barter with DH that you will go but only if you can be SAHM or P/T and your 'job' is to ensure the aforementioned quality of life for all the family i.e. your contribution is to make the transfer a happy one. In the short-term, at least.

You'll make new friends...

But if you've already experienced Oz and had that deep-felt unhappiness about being away from the UK, I would be a bit cautious about going.

It could be that being there for only 15 months didn't give you a chance to really settle in. But if you gave yourself 5 years would it really ever truly become "home" do you think? And could you cope with that niggling regret even if DH and dc were happy there?

I know prices have gone up recently but on your dh's vast salary you should be ok surely? Your ties aren't as strong this time, and knowing that 'this is it' would force you to make new friends and really throw yourself into a new life.
In the words of Nike 'Just do it'

Go for for it.

The first ten years are the worst.:o

DH was given a once-in-a-lifetime offer (though not the massive salary), and in our early 50s we took the chance and came to Australia.

For us we always knew it would be a one-way ticket. It's not all been easy; particularly as I don't find it easy to make new friends, but then that's me, not you.
You'll find yourself, with smaller children, in a much more sociable environment than I did with a child ready to walk to school on her own, and a busy full time job.

All the best.