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Need a bit of help to rise above this friendship situation

6 replies

GreenToes · 24/05/2011 13:18

Basically, an acquaintance, I'll call her A, fell out with one of her friends, B. B was then under the impression that they had sorted out their differences (A had been the one causing the problem in the first place) but A continued to bitch about B behind her back to everyone they both knew. I was not comfortable with this, or with the position she was putting us in. I have been trying to distance myself from her rather than having an argument and putting everyone in an even more difficult position.

Yesterday A confronted me and accused me of trying to "break up the group" and deliberately excluding her. I had a few people round last week for a cuppa, nothing formal, just B and another close friend, and one acquaintance who I had spoken to in passing and then invited over to catch up with us. I assume this acquaintance then mentioned it to A.

B had already mentioned to me that she no longer wished to see A as she had heard what A had been saying about her. A has plenty of other friends and she and I were not particularly close to start with so it's not as though I had previously invited her over and had stopped - I think she has only been over once in the whole time I've known her.

A has now been telling other friends/acquaintances of mine that she had not been saying anything about B and that I have been deliberately trying to divide the group of friends. She has also spoken to B and told her that she has never said anything about her. I know this is not true, as do others.

I do not want to get into a petty he-said-she-said type situation, nor do I wish to drag anyone else into the argument, but I'm concerned that if I don't say anything whilst I know she is bad-mouthing me to everyone we know that I will come out of this the "bad guy". It's like being 15 again!

Really I'm just looking for something non-confrontational that I can say in response to her accusations, and to anyone else who wants to know what's going on.

I'm trying so hard to be reasonable and impartial, and I almost feel like maybe I shouldn't as I know she isn't, but really I do want to just rise above this.

Sorry that was so long, and a bit complicated, any advice would be appreciated :) and also if I'm in the wrong then it'd be good to know so I can apologise.

OP posts:
SpangledPandemonium · 24/05/2011 13:23

I'm trying hard to be reasonable and impartial, and ... I really do want to just rise above this.

With a shrug. Says it all, I think

I expect that others will have an inkling of what is really going on and probably don't want to be involved either.

SpangledPandemonium · 24/05/2011 13:24

I mean that's what you should say in response to any accusations or questions.

SarkyLady · 24/05/2011 13:31

I don't really see that you have to do anything. Less is more in situations like this.

Don't worry about what your friends think. Sounds like they know perfectly well what she is like.

And if she acccuses you directly of anything just say (in a very smiley way) "don't be daft, we're not 13". And never try and explain or justify.

GreenToes · 24/05/2011 13:45

Okay, brilliant, thanks :) I'll try those. I just feel a bit silly yesterday talking perfectly calmly whilst she is getting hysterical! I suppose really she is the silly one for getting so het up about it all.

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 24/05/2011 13:48

agree with spangled. say exactly that and she will get the hint that she is being petty. i have to say, she doesn't sound like a 'friend' I'd be sorry to lose.

GreenToes · 24/05/2011 13:56

Thanks BooyHoo - I'd be much happier without her in my life tbh but I want to avoid the whole situation affecting my other friendships :)

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