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I have bought a book for my friend, should I give it to her or am I being an insensitive bastard?

15 replies

shinyshoes · 19/05/2011 17:31

In 1988 there was a cruise ship that sunk just off the greek harbour. It was filled with school children including children from my school. It was called the jupiter.

Fast forward 25 years and we have been in touch and gone out a couple of times, sent texts and chat on Facebook, I consider her a friend.

We went out for a mael the other night with another old school friend and the subject of the cruise disaster came up, she said she had a hard time getting over it and it's only very recently she's been able to talk about it. She still has trouble with the lights at home being off etc.

She's moving home and she said she'd still like to keep in touch.

I have just bought a book for her as a gift. It's called 'Jupiters children' it's accounts of other school childrens experience of that night.

Is this an appropriate thing to do? she said she saved newspaper cuttings etc.
Am I being an insensitive cowbag?
Or would it be good for her like 'therapy'


OP posts:
shinyshoes · 19/05/2011 17:33

Sorry the beginning bit wasn't clear. I am in touch with a woman who was in my class that was on the ship

OP posts:
OvO · 19/05/2011 17:35

I think it sounds like a thoughtful gift.

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 19/05/2011 17:36

was she actually ON the ship??

how do you know she isn't IN the book?

Erm I dont think it would be insensitive unless she is IN the book then it would look like you hadn't bothered looking at the book

were you on the ship?

wow scary stuff for all of them

BooBooGlass · 19/05/2011 17:38

Err no. Hideously inappropriate

AuntieMonica · 19/05/2011 17:38

I'm not sure, I'd mention the book's existence i think and see how she reacted?

but what a sad thing to be part of Sad

shinyshoes · 19/05/2011 17:39

She was on the ship, fell into the cold sea clutching onto a lump of ship in the dark.

She isnt in the book as the children who are in the book are from one school (there were a few schools on the boat)

I wasn't on the ship. That's why i'm asking opinions as I don't know what impact this book might have, would it be like therapy or would it bring back awful memories and give her PTSD (which she said she had)

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 19/05/2011 17:41

It would be dreadful. Why would you want to remind her of this by buying her a book?

BatFlattery · 19/05/2011 17:42

It sounds like a bad idea to me - as you say, she has spent a long time trying to get over this and you can't be sure how this will affect her. I would just mention it to sound her out first - maybe you could read it and then bring it up next time you talk?

shinyshoes · 19/05/2011 17:43

That's why i'm asking BooBoo as i've no clue if it's appropriate or not. I can think something is thoughtful but at the same time get it sooooo wrong I've bought it now so I might just keep it then

OP posts:
glasscompletelybroken · 19/05/2011 18:31

Tricky - I think you should mention that you have heard there is a book about this and see what reaction you may get. She may find it really helpful to read other peoples memories and experiences of this - it's unlikely she ever comes across anyone else who can understand what she has been through.
If it was me I think I would want to have it and would vwery much appreciate the thought.

travellingwilbury · 19/05/2011 18:37

I would tell her you have seen it and gauge her reaction .

You won't remind her of it because she hasn't forgotten but it might help her to know others have lived through the same thing .

If it was me I would think it was a lovely gift but just see how she feels about it first .

ScarlettWalking · 19/05/2011 19:11

Oh god no

WowOoo · 19/05/2011 19:13

I wouldn't give it before asking her if she would like to read it. Perhaps she has already.

VJayJay · 19/05/2011 19:14

As she's just starting to talk about it it would be ok to mention that you've seen the book, and as others have said, just gauge her reaction and go from there.

MumblingRagDoll · 19/05/2011 23:29

Another one who thinks the risk is to big....don't bother

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