Love my friend's boy, but my son really really doesn't

[MountainDew]

My friend and I met when we were both pregnant, our sons were born within days of each other. We get on really well and our two boys spent a lot of their first year around each other.

Around the age of 14 months her son and my son started to not get on quite so well. Her son is very big and very strong and my son isn't. Every time we met my son would spend most of his time cowering/crying/hiding from hers. So I reduced the amount of time we all spent together. (I know, I know, PFB, but it was very distressing!)

So now our boys are 2. We hadn't seen one another for a few months, and I thought now my son was bigger things would be ok.

We saw them today. :( Things did not go ok. Her son, bless him, is too rough for mine! I think it is 50% doesn't know his own strength (ie, hugs my son, but squeezes too hard) and 50% usual toddler/monkey escapades (ie, throwing toys at my son), but because of his size and strength, these are quite scary.

My son had a horrible time, cried almost the whole time we were there. I thought he was just being a bit too sensitive, but we came home and when I got him ready for bed I saw he is covered in bruises. Little toddler sized hand print bruises, all over his shoulders, legs, arms. :(

I don't know what to do. I love this little boy, I've known him since before he was born! :D I know it isn't his fault he is so big and strong. And he really loves my little boy. But my boy certainly doesn't love him.

We try to keep them playing nicely, distract them, play games they can both do, but everything we try ends in my son getting hurt. This is why I stopped seeing them in the first place. My friend is very apologetic and tries to keep her son calm and gentle, but nothing is working for us.

What should I do? Keep my son away from him? Encourage my son to play with him and learn to be 'tough'?

I know I sound PFB-y, but my little boy is covered in bruises. It isn't me, or him, being oversensitive. I even have a bruise on my arm from where he grabbed me!! He is one strong boy!!

My friend is one of those people you just click with. She is such a natural friend to me. She is a single mum and I feel like I am a useless friend, because I am wary of spending time with her and her son now. :( I have told her all of this, and she fully understands, but I just don't know what to do.

So WWYD?

wow how hard for you, I don't think losing touch with your friend would be good for you or her, but coming home covered in bruises is no fun either. At least you are open and honest with your friend. I don't know if you are being PFB because I don't know what that means!!!!! I am tempted to say that the more they mix the more it will get better as little boy may get used to his playmate and not be so excited, and also as they get older hemight understand more about his own strength, but obviously I have no guarantee of that!! He is basically a lovely boy not a thug so it could be he will grow out of it.xxxxxxxx

If he seriously has little toddler-hand-print bruises all over him from a session playing with a rough 2 yr old, then tbh I'd get him to the dr, because that's too much bruising.
Bruises from being hit with things - I understand that.
Hand-shaped bruises all over him - worth a medical investigation.

For the time being just see your friend without your children around. I have very dear friend who I absolutely love spending time with. However, we rarely meet with children as our girls don't get on particularly well. We've talked about it and are both fine with it.

I don't understand what you mean, Prunnhilda. Do you mean the OP's son is bruising too easily, or do you mean that the other boy was deliberately rough?

I also agree with Prunnhilda. Get your DS checked out. He shouldn't have such big bruises from playing with another toddler the same age, no matter what has occurred.

agree with Prun... i would be concerned at just how easily your son is bruising tbh

in the meantime i would just stop seeing your friend with the children. see her in the evenings perhaps? or at weekends when your partners are around and can take one/other of the kids away... or maybe in more public places so that your son can play with other children rather than being forced to play with her son?

I thought the same about the bruising but OP says she is bruised from him too!

My DS was/still is very big and strong for his age but is so passive and gentle, I think this little boy however lovely he may be does need some guidance on this. Does he socialise with other children apart from your ds? eg at a nursery/play group/ other friend's dcs?

One thing you learn as you become a more experienced parent your children don't have to be friends with somones children because you mates with their mum.

To be honest it good if they tolerate each other but you simply might try arranging coffee with out the kids

Agree with getting him checked out at the doctor - can't be too careful.

But as for playdates with the other boy, what about somewhere like soft play or the park, so they don't actually have to play together but can run around while you chat do what they want without getting in each other's way?

I meant (I thought it was clear) that he is bruising too easily, if he has indeed got hand-shaped bruises on him - bruising doesn't work like that even with a rough toddler hitting you: you get one or two marks but actual hand-prints would mean something was perhaps wrong.
I had a friend who had ITP (don't ask me exactly what it is, I don't know - something to do with the spleen?) and the thing that alerted her mother was that she was bruising really easily.

If the OP has just used quite a lot of hyperbole, and it's run-of-the-mill bashes rather than actual hand-prints, then ignore me and I concur with the others that you're fine to see your friend without the kids around and it's not that unusual.