My BF of 20 years has been through an awful lot over the last few years - huge debt worries, concern about partner's work situation (due to physical injury), deaths within distant family and her children's dad.. it's all been huge and I feel deeply for her in this time of stress. The thing is, she is also talking just as strongly and angrily about things that happened to her 15+ years ago - and, yes, pretty big things, but still talking as if they happened yesterday.
I do what I can to support (she lives a long way away, so it's mostly by phone, we may see each other once a year).
Her mother is someone who still talks at length with huge anger/hurt/hatred about things that happened over 40 years ago - is my friend going the same way? (She hates this about her mother, incidentally.)
I've suggested counselling but my friend hasn't gone that way as yet. Maybe she won't. The thing is, I'm not sure what to do/say, or whether I should do anything at all. Her issues seem to be her daily focus. Her world seems to be getting increasingly small. She does have other friends besides me, but all the talking to friends doesn't seem to help or take the heat out of anything.
Should I suggest counselling more strongly to help her make peace with her past? Should I just keep listening? I'd love to help her heal herself (hark at the hippy-speak!) rather than continually remaining in the victim role. But is it up to her when she gives it up? I too have been through some truly awful stuff in my time, but eventually I realised it was ruining my present.
I'm not so arrogant I think what's right for me is right for everyone, but I'm not sure whether I should keep schtum/step back. She's an amazing and much-loved friend, but I'm not sure how long I can stay silent and reflective. If I truly believe it's the right thing, then I'll try harder.
All help gratefully received, and sorry it's so long.