Is this the right thing to do?

[ttalloo]

We haven't got on with our next-door neighbours for a few years now, and are no longer on speaking terms, but today the wife greeted my mother (to whom she has continued to say hello, oddly) as she came to visit me, and told her that she's been treated for cancer and has had a couple of operations in the last few months.

I had no idea, but now that I do know, I feel that I should go round there to say how sad I am for her, and to put the past behind us - in the grand scheme of things, falling out over neighbourly crap seems pretty pointless.

But I don't know if this is the right thing to do - if I were in her position I wouldn't want her to know that I was so ill, but if she were to find out, I don't think I would care either way if she came over to be nice or not. Perhaps I would think she was being nosy. I don't know.

But she did tell my mother this, knowing that my mother would be bound to tell me, so I can only assume that she wants me to know, and to do something about it. Am I misreading this?

Not knowing the back ground or level of animosity, I'd suggest maybe popping a card through her letter box first. That way, if she says something in return (like thank you!) you have a way in. If she doesn't say anything then you know she doesn't want you to be 'involved', and you haven't seemed nosey.

Just an idea

Thanks, tigerschick. The level of animosity isn't high - we were intensely close for a while, and then various things about them began to irritate us (and vice-versa I'm sure) and we began to withdraw until we were no longer speaking. Although we do take in parcels for each other.

But the card idea is a very good one, and I think I'll do that tomorrow