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Incomprehensible Facebook Updates

13 replies

UnquietDad · 03/04/2011 11:50

Some people do updates and wall posts with NO CONTEXT whatsoever.

The football fans are usually the worst. Saturday Facebook updating is always full of "Come on Eagles [or whoever] gotta get 3 points get off bottom" and "Hammers gonna smash ya, get in there!" or reference to some Venezuelan forward or other who of course embodies the spirit of Bolton, despite the fact that he came over six weeks ago on a ££££££ transfer and despite most people in Bolton probably not being able to find his home town on a map.

Or things that "we" have done today. You have to read it three times before you realise the person is talking about their football team, not their family. "Three pints and curry and DVD, great way to unwind after a stressful three points, yeah, we took them down today" or something. I mean, sorry? What?

The best one ever was "I can't believe the twats who own my club." For ages I was under the impression that this friend went to some private members' club (inexplicably run by idiots) where he reclined in leather chairs with cigars and brandy to discuss the world. I only twigged several days later.

Dog and cat owners are equally annoying. I do not give a shit what your furry child-substitute has done! I find them profoundly uninteresting. Oh look, a photo of your cat looking "quizzical." No he fucking is not looking "quizzical", he is looking like a cat, like he looks every day.

OP posts:
Takver · 03/04/2011 12:15

PMSL

I have discovered you can hide people without stopping being their friend.

This makes Facebook much more bearable, IME.

UnquietDad · 03/04/2011 12:17

Yes, I discovered that recently. It's not always that simple, though, because sometimes the most annoying people do say interesting things I actually want to read, and sometimes the friends I do want to keep in touch with will start wibbling about cats, football, etc....

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 03/04/2011 12:17

hide them then

or only have real friends on fb

works for me

Goblinchild · 03/04/2011 12:18

So, how old are your children again?
My teenagers often make cryptic posts that only a close acquaintance with some of their more esoteric hobbies would make comprehensible.

UnquietDad · 03/04/2011 12:19

Mine are almost 11 and just turned 8.... not on FB yet!

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 03/04/2011 12:22

There is time for your confusion to grow even greater then. Grin
At least with friends you can be indifferent, with your children you tend to Want To Know

Takver · 03/04/2011 12:23

Grin Goblinchild, yes, the people I had to hide to save my sanity are mainly teenagers!

Goblinchild · 03/04/2011 12:24

Mine has a tendency to swap languages too. I have no idea how to make my computer type Russian.

UnquietDad · 03/04/2011 12:24

Oh, I know...
I have friends with teenage children who have befriended me.

DD will be allowed on FB on condition that she does not:

a) do all her posts in txt spk 4eva
b) assign her friends as "spouses" or "siblings"
c) give herself some stupid faux middle-name like "Justinbieberlover" or "Tweedypants"
d) endlessly photograph herself pouting and doing a sideways "V" in the mirror
e) announce that she is "jel" of someone.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 03/04/2011 12:30

Dream on, Oh hopeful one!
My DD is a lovely, civilised eloquent young woman who still has committed crimes b and c.

Takver · 03/04/2011 14:02

Well, if your dd can post her status updates in Russian I reckon she could be forgiven a fair bit . . . that's quite impressive

purepurple · 03/04/2011 14:17

I have this as my status. I stole it from my friend-

Please copy and paste this as your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone. If you don't know anyone, or even if you've heard of anyone who doesn't know anyone, then do still copy this. It's important to spread the message. Oh, and the hearts. ♥ ♥ ♥ FOR GODS SAKE, don't forget the hearts.
I had lots of confused friends asking me what I was supporting Grin

Goblinchild · 03/04/2011 19:20

Takver, she does it because it amuses her.
Likewise when she posted in Binary for a week.
Fortunately she has friends who do the same sort of thing, or she'd be talking to herself.

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