DS, minor operation. Go or let DH take him?

[TotorosOcarina]

DS is having grommets fitted on Saturday.

The plan was we both go with him and get someone to mind the other kids (DS is 5)

DS would happily go with just DH.

Thing is, I'm really, really scared, bordering on hysterical when i think about him going to sleep. I have been on sertraline for anxiety over my kids getting ill but am not on it atm because I'm 34 week pregnant.

Would you let DH take him alone, or would you need to be there?

I can't decide. Been loosing sleep over the op and keep crying. I don't know if I will be able to hold it together in front of DS and might scare him?

but am terrified something will go wrong and I wont be there :(

take the pressure off and let DH go. Seriously.

nothing is going to go wrong, and DS needs to remain calm. no good having a stressed out mum there is it? the other kids will keep your mind off it a bit.

Definitley let your DH take him on his pown.

Nothing will go wrong - it is a tiny op, he will be fine, children really do take this in ther straide. I am not making this up: DS has had 9 big operations and has always been fine.

The ONLY thing that will make it worse is if your DS picks up on anxiety. People caring for children on operation days need to be calm, confident, matter of fact and relaxed. If you know you struggle with this, and as your DS WILL be fine with your DH, the best thing you can do for him and your family is look after your other children. Which is a fine and valuable thing to be doing.

Would having your DH regularly phone you with updates will be more relaxing....

If you are stressed out about, don't go, seriously.

DS2 had grommets and it was a little scary when he woke up from the OP and was disoriented. It will make it worse if you are in any way anxious.

When DS needed a minor op, I let DH take him. I knew DH would be much calmer than me, and I thought that would be important for DS. One of us had to be around for other DCs.

It wasn't much fun to be waiting by the phone for news that it was all done and OK, but it was the best way round for us.

I feel like I'm letting him down by not being there though.

and think people might go that im not there

I started a thread like this a couple of years ago when dd had an annual appointment at Alder Hey. Everyone told me not to go, and I didn't. And all was fine.

I think i'd get him to borrow a mobile and keep txting me. The fear of a 'phone call' might not be good for me

You would absolutely not be letting him down. Other people needn't know until afterwards, by which time it won't matter.

And coming home to Mum will be a nice moment, and that's the bit where you'll be most needed. (Not necessarily great, though, DS vomited all over me - last effects of anaesthetic plus car sickness on the way back).

Thanks for all the kind messages.

I think I might stay at home.

He will be fine with DH there, I think I'd end up having a panic attack or something.

DH suggested we bake DS a cake whilst hes there to pass the time, obviously he wont want to eat it, its more to distract myself and keep the other 2 busy also.

I just felt like i needed someone to tell me im not letting him down or being a bad mum by not being there iykwim?

Let DH go, it will be much easier all round and bake a lovely cake - he may well want to eat it, mine are both starving after minor ops like this (we've had a total of 7 GA's here between both children - all v minor so I'm used to it!)

If it helps think of it this way, that by you not being there he can't pick up on your anxiety so will be less anxious himself and will have a much easier time of it.

Could you write a little note to your DS, for your DH to give him when he comes around from the OP - a 'love you loads, will see you very soon' sort of messages with lots of cuddly doodles?

Toto, seriously, you are not letting him down. You would be letting him down if you hadn't bothered to follow up anything about his hearing or ears. You would be letting him down if you allowed your anxiety to extend to banning him from having a tiny procedure that will transform his life. This op isn't the big thing - the big thing is that it will iprove things for him no end.

A few tips - I think piprabbits idea of sending a card and a tiny present for aferwards is a great one.
He will also be starving hungry and thirsty after the op - send in some easy to eat plain snacks that he likes - a simple sandwich, a yogurt. Not scratchy stuff like crisps - throats are often a little sore from the tubes.
Be prepared for long periods of silence from your DH - he will need to focus on keeping your ds occupied - he will be hungry from the nil by mouth and distraction is key. New small toys and books and stickers - all invaluable. Also on children's day wards they typically take children in in order of age - youngest first - at 5 he may be lucky and at the toppish of the list, or closer to the middle with quite a wait. Tell your DH to pack snacks and a drink for himself but unseen by your ds - obviously eating or drinking in front of him before the op isn't on - dp and I eat our breakfast in secret at home - we tell DS that we are all not eating together, and we'll all have our breakfast together as soon as he is back on the ward. Then dp and I eat while he is in theatre. I bet he WILL want to eat the cake when he gets home! DS has had 5 hour ops and been keen to eat and get on with his day once he comes round. And has never been sick - not unless he was on morphine - (which your DS will not be).

You are not letting him down and you are not a bad mum

You are doing what is best for your child (letting him go with just DH will be far less stressful for him if he's happy to do that).... and anyway Fuck what anyone else thinks, this is your life & your child - none of their bloody business.