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Wedding present for ex-wife of cousin

3 replies

yonker · 22/03/2011 01:00

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but just wanted some opinions.

Background - My cousin and his wife were married for 25 years, everyone thinking they were very happy (including the couple themselves). They had been through some difficult times, not problems with their relationship but other things in the family that would have tested the strongest of marriages. After 25 years everything had settled down and they seemed to be a happy couple looking forward to their old age together. Then my cousin's wife found out he was having an affair and ultimately the marriage ended.

My relationship with them is very distant, I'm 10 years younger than them and have lived far away for years (last 10 years in different countries). It is really just restricted to Christmas cards and meeting very,very occasionally (last time my Dad's funeral). But I have always liked my cousin's wife very much, one of the loveliest people I have ever met really. When my cousin left her I contacted her outside when we normally do and wrote to her saying what an idiot he was and I hope that eventually she would find some peace and happiness in life (at my Dad's funeral she thanked me and said that had helped).

So, a few weeks ago I received a letter saying that she was remarrying - clearly she is very happy and I am really pleased for her that she has now found some happiness.

But the question is should I send her a gift for the wedding? I would like to, just to say I hope she will be very happy, but given the limited contact we have had would that seem odd? Much as I like her I also don't really want to start something that is going to lead to more contact, we really are very different and I don't want her to feel obliged that she has to stay in touch more than what we do. It's really just a way of saying I'm so pleased that things have worked out for her (if a present can say that). So should I send a gift or not? A card alone seems inadequate to express how happy I am for her.

OP posts:
EverSoLagom · 22/03/2011 01:28

Hi,

Never posted in etiquette before but i had a similar situation - only i was the bride.

Way back before i met my DH i had a boyfriend, childhood sweetheart and we were together through uni etc. Anyway after university he went away travelling, met someone else, and promptly dumped me when i went to meet him at the airport. Anyway all that is by the by - but i had always got on brilliantly with his lovely Mum and in some ways i was more upset about losing contact with her than him. She actually wrote me a letter which i still have which says how sad she was that things never worked out etc etc.

I now live miles away but when i got engaged she must have heard through mutual friends and she sent me a beautiful home-made cross stitched card. She just wrote inside that she was happy to hear i was happy and wished me luck for the future. I was very touched and thought it was a lovely gesture.

Sorry my post is so long! But maybe something like that would be a nice way to show her you're thinking of her without it being too much or too awkward?

SolarPanel · 15/04/2011 00:56

How about a card with a nice letter inside?

cat64 · 15/04/2011 01:08

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