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Re : Red Nose Drama fundraising....aaagh

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rockinhippy · 21/03/2011 16:53

Currently tearing my hair out with a now tearful 8 year old in a strop in her bedroom over what started out as a lovely thing my DD & her friend chose to do & has now become a right old drama & wondering what others would do???

Background, DD has in the past raised Charity money Fuy Fawkes etc etc, so when Comic Relief started she was buzzing about doing something at School for it :) then comes home telling me she is doing a sponsored silence for it with her friend, both a pair of Chatterboxes, so quite a feat .

They start collecting sponsors, & then DD comes home telling me her friend has chosen a Charity beginning with F, & will be taking all money home to her Mum to donate , now DD has had problems with this friend in the past & though usually quite good at speaking up for herself, just doesn't like standing up to her & saying no, in case it upsets her, as she can at times be quite volatile - DD had scratch scars on her arm for a couple of years after 1 incident.

I was a bit concerned DD was standing up for herself & as its been an issue in the past, felt it important she did, & explained that people tend to raise money for Charities that mean something to them, so perhaps she should go back & ask her friend to explain the Charity to her & if DD liked it then great, but if not maybe they should find a compromise - DD comes home saying her friend now wants to donate to DDs chosen favourite animal Charity instead- I did say to make sure that friend has cleared this with her Mum - & was told on Red Nose day morning by friend & DD that she has cleared it with her Mum.

I took photos of them dressed up with the Schools say so to send off to the Charity as DD has had her picture in the Charity magazine before - but text the Mum asking her permission as thought it the right thing to do - several snotty replies later (from the Mum) - Friend wont be giving money to DDs chosen charity as Mum doesn't like said animals & doesn't believe anyone else would give to that Charity - but tells me its okay to send photo off for the Charity magazine - followed up by implications that my DD had bullied her DD into that choice

I ended up leaving trying to sort it out with the Mum until the weekend was over, as she obviously had a bee in her bonnet & saw no point & hoped it would calm down. I personally believe that as DD & her friend were putting the effort in, the decision (so long as it was an informed one) was theirs, not mine to make, but obviously I can only allow my own DD that choice :(

It seems it has calmed down, as speaking with the teacher this morning, the Girls have decided to split the money raised, problem solved - or so I thought - DD raised the much bigger part of the money on her own, outside of School, a lot of the bigger donations specifically for the animal Charity - now turns out the split is to be, split the money raised in School 50/50 & keep monies individually raised - which I would of agreed with based on the specific donations - but turns out DDs friends money is now going to - COMIC RELIEF [hair tearing emoticon] & DDs friend was in tears as she is getting such a small share of what on paper is a decent amount

As its now Comic Relief as was originally planned (at least I thought so, DD says her friend had said otherwise since day 1) I suggested that perhaps it might be fairer to let all the money go to CR, or Friend keep the School raised money, & DD keep her home raised donations (which is a bigger portion)

She's now in bits in her room, telling me I made her stand up to her friend for nothing & she doesn't want to give to Comic Relief as they are already getting a lot of money & that if they are splitting the money, then it should be her choice

I do believe it should be DDs choice & I also think none of this would of been a problem if the friend (or more probably her Mum) hadn't changed the rules in the first place -

hope that makes sense

WWYD????