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Original poster

Child Free Wedding Dilemma

18 replies

humanoctopus · 13/03/2011 16:10

Getting a bit of a roasting from a reply i made to a post on AIBU.

It was a terrible day for me, and I didn't know what to do, so I would love a WWYD on this one!

We got an invitation to a child free wedding, which we intended on attending in relays (one of us staying with the ds's in the hotel room).

Really good friend's wedding in another country. Dh has an asthma crisis the morning of the wedding, so he's off to local hospital for neb, etc.
I manage to get flights for all of us for that evening, so that we can get back to home. Trouble is, we have to check out of hotel at 10am or pay for another day. We had planned on attending wedding in relays, so that one of us could be with the ds's in the hotel. Changing flights to get home cost me alot, so finances were very tight, and I really wanted to get dh home as his asthma often turns into pneumonia, and would mean staying much longer, so wanted to get away asap.
So basically, I had no where to go, knew no one (who wouldn't be at the wedding) and didn't really know what to do. I didn't have a car, and the flights were at 8pm.
As there were children going to the wedding (the b and g's own, and sibs kids) , I didn't feel that mine would draw much attention.
I didn't get a chance to ask my friend for a special dispensation to attend, as she was obviously busy.

My two sat quietly one of the sofas at the edge of the room, ate the snacks I brought and played with their toys.

I know it was a child free invitation, but I was really stuck, leaving soon after the meal, way before dancing, etc.

Money was nearly gone, I knew no one who wouldn't be at the wedding, dh in the Casualty section of the hospital, so not ok to keep the kid there.

What would ye have done in my situation?

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 13/03/2011 16:12

Exactly what you did. And anyone, including the bride and groom, who can't see it was a true emergency, can bugger off.

Blu · 13/03/2011 16:14

In your situation it was fine to take the children.
Probably a good idea to whisper "had an emergency, DH in A&E but don't worry, had to bring kids after all, will explain later" as early as poss to the bride or other central person - bride's mother or something.

caughtinanet · 13/03/2011 16:15

Really Tee? You think the bride and groom should bugger off if they think their wedding is spolit ?

Not saying that they did think this as I was on the other thread but how can you think that the needs of a guest must override the wishes of the happy couple who've planned and paid for the wedding they want ?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings

TrillianAstra · 13/03/2011 16:17

Well I can see why you got roasted - you said "I took my children to a child free wedding" with no mention at all (at first) of a hospital emergency!

Of course YWNBU in the circumstances - I assume you did find someone to say "sorry, emergency, no choice".

Grabaspoon · 13/03/2011 16:21

Agree with Trillian if you had said that in the first place then you wouldn't have got a roasting instead it sounded like you blatantly ignore the invite.

Blu · 13/03/2011 16:25

Yes, talk about 'by stealth'! And your first mention of them at the wedding was sitting in church, nt at the reception.
And as it happens, church services are open to anyone who wishes to go in and take part - the idea that the bride and groom can decree who is allowed in the church is misguided.

FluffyDonkey · 13/03/2011 16:27

I saw the roasting and I think the thread did become almost more about you than about the OP!

I think you badly worded your original post on the other thread - a lot of people skim-read posts and what came through was that you thought it was ok because they ate snacks you brought and played quietly.

Personally I would forget about it. It happened, your friend obviously wasn't too pissed as made you godmother at a later time and you didn't do it out of selfishness but necessity because your DH was ill.

I don't think you need to justify yourself to a load of strangers on the internet.

FluffyDonkey · 13/03/2011 16:28

Anyway it's not a WWYD but more a What Would You Have Done which is kinda a bit pointless IMO

activate · 13/03/2011 16:32

I think this post is completely different situation from the post you posted on the other thread, so much so that it feels a bit made up

TrillianAstra · 13/03/2011 16:39

activate if you read both of human's posts on the other thread (use ctrl-F to search through) you'll see that she did a very bad job of explaining what went on it her first post, but it is all consistent.

Original poster

humanoctopus · 13/03/2011 16:40

Nope, most of it is the same with the additon of 3 lines, I think.

Not looking for a fight, nor a re hash of the AIBU thread.

I don't feel that I need to justify myself here, just genuinely wondering what others would have done in my situation.

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 13/03/2011 16:42

I agree with FluffyDonkey - from your first post on the AIBU thread it looked like you thought it was ok because they were no trouble.

It was ok because it was an emergency. Not because they were well behaved and didn't cause trouble or expense.

Tee2072 · 13/03/2011 16:43

Yes, I do think in this case the bride and groom need to suck it up. It's one day. The important part should be that they are married not that someone had an emergency and had to bring their apparently well behaved children to the wedding.

If I had a friend who was a bride and got mad at me in this case? They wouldn't be my friend much longer.

Brizellas exist because no one tells them to suck it up and get over it and themselves. It's one day in a, hopefully, long and happy marriage.

I did not read the other thread so have no idea whether the OP has drip fed or whatever, nor do I care. Based on what she posted here she did nothing wrong.

BigChiefOrganiser · 13/03/2011 16:44

I think it was fine and you mention, the bride, a very good friend asked yo uto be godmother after this, so it doesn't appear she had a problem either. Have you actually ever discussed it with her after the fact and apologized for having to do what you did?

Original poster

humanoctopus · 13/03/2011 16:47

I am still good friends with the bride, so obviously no long term damage there.

Just wondering how others would have done?

And by the way, I just jumped in and anwered the would you take kids to a child free wedding, as a way of just answering the OP. Never thought my answere would have such attention.

OP posts:

caughtinanet · 13/03/2011 16:50

Tee - you're right that that being married is about the rest of your life but I don't think its being a Bridezilla in the slighest to be expected to "bugger off" if your wedding is spolit.

If you read the other thread you'll see a post about a family rift being caused by a guest taking children to a child free wedding - should the bride in that case bugger off because she's upset about that ?

I couldn't be further from a Bridezilla but even I can see that on a wedding day a bride can expect to get her own wishes.

northerngirl41 · 17/03/2011 19:13

Honestly, if DH was so ill you were flying back home early then I'm sure the B&G would understand you wanting to be with him and not attending the wedding.

What they wouldn't understand is why when you were specifically told your kids were not invited, you decided to completely ignore that. The invite was for you and DH, not the kids.

It's a bit like someone inviting you to their home for a BBQ and you saying "Oh no, I'm having spaghetti bolognese and I brought the ingredients with me".

There's nothing anyone can do at the time but either forcibly eject you or politely ignore the fact that you were insufferably rude and make a mental note not to invite you to anything else.

maypole1 · 17/03/2011 19:17

I totally agree their is a reason why THE SAID NO KIDS you brought them any way and looked what happed if you get a invite that says no kids and one of you dont want to saty at home with the child or cant get a sitter than you dont get to go

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