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Feeding other peoples children

16 replies

gallifrey · 01/03/2011 13:16

My neighbours little girl is at my house literally all the time. She is a year younger than my daughter and they get on really well.

Her Mum has a year old son so they are here most of the time rather than be at their house.

The Mum thinks her daughter is overweight (she is a little bit tbh) so restricts her food a lot, she even has a reward chart for not eating!

My daughter is as skinny as a rake but eats a lot, and when she comes home from school she is starving.
However my neighbour has told me not to give her child any food at my house, but she's here almost every day after school. How on earth am I going to give my daughter a snack and not this other girl?

Yesterday I gave them both a bag of crisps and she was eating them like she hadn't eaten for ages, and making mmmmm noises while eating!

Have I got to feed my child in secret?!

OP posts:
Colliecollie · 01/03/2011 13:19

Don't have the little girl round so much?

gallifrey · 01/03/2011 13:40

I'd love to not have her round so much tbh, but she is always knocking on the door, literally a minute after we get in!
Yesterday her Mum asked me if I could look after her while she popped to town for an hour but this is getting a bit of a regular thing. She doesn't work and is out all day, so why does she have to wait until after school to go out again?

Anyway that's a whole other story.....

Good idea, I'll just say no next time!

OP posts:
RamblingRosa · 01/03/2011 13:45

Can you explain to the mum that you find it difficult not feeding her child if she's there at times when your DD would be eating? Ask her what she wants you to do? Does she expect her DD to sit and watch as your DD tucks in? Or is she expecting you to feed her child.

Are you happy for the girl to be over so much? Your post sounds like maybe it's a bit of an imposition.

PigeonPie · 01/03/2011 13:51

Give them some fruit instead?

theunmentioned · 01/03/2011 13:52

She has a reward chart for not eating?? Jeez that cannot be true can it?? If so I find that incredibly disturbing.

That aside what about healthier snacks?? Wouldn't do your daughter any harm either so why not? She sounds like a lonely little girl but I do understand she isn't your responsibility.

Scootergrrrl · 01/03/2011 13:54

Ask your neighbour to keep her daughter at home for at least 20 minutes after they get home from school to allow your own child to eat what you choose to give her in her own home. It's not your job to police her childs weight and she shouldn't be making it into your problem.

PortBlacksandGinLane · 01/03/2011 13:56

"she is always knocking on the door, literally a minute after we get in!"

Of course she is! - you are feeding her the treats she is not allowed at home...

jaffacake79 · 01/03/2011 13:57

A chart for not eating???!!!! WTF?! I can understand a chart for healthy eating - making sure she's eating her 5 a day for instance, but the way she's going about it sounds very unhealthy.
I agree that you can't give your daughter snacks and leave this other girl sat there staring at her empty handed. Perhaps healthy snacks - fruit, crackers etc, might be the best way forward.
Talk to the Mum and ask her what she wants you to do.

ragged · 01/03/2011 14:07

Could you feed your DD a snack when you meet her at school, & not wait until you get home?

Else Tell the mom that you don't want to police monitor her dd's intake, and you will offer her the same as whatever you're giving your DD. Then it's up to her to keep her DD away if she sees fit.

gallifrey · 01/03/2011 14:34

I suppose the point is that I really don't want this child at my house all the time!

And I agree the whole reward chart thing is very strange!
Her parents don't really take much notice of her at all and I feel sorry for her. However I'm now getting a bit fed up with having her here all the time, especially when there seems to be 'conditions' attached.

As soon as she come into my house she tells me she's hungry, I normally tell her to go home and ask her Mum for something then as it's only next door!
My daughter hates going round there as they don't get anything to eat at all, which after they've been at school all day is a bit mean.
My daughter has had a sleepover there a few times and has woken up in the night starving hungry because they got so little for dinner.

OP posts:
ragged · 01/03/2011 17:54

I suggest...You need to set clear rules with the neighbour girl, discuss with your own DD what both of you would like about when she can and can't come around, and go with what jointly feels right.

:( @ the food regime next door, though.

Birdsgottafly · 02/03/2011 12:06

I often had this with my dcs and in the end had to have a routine that all children went to their own houses straight after school, whilst bags, books and snacks etc were sorted out. You need to set bounderies.

It might be the content of meals rather than the quantity that is at fault. Some foods are more filling than others. If your daughter is allowed to sleep there, there is no reason why you cannot have a proper conversation about food with the other mother, there is no need for anyone to be hungry, even if trying to loose weight. Or be allowed to fill up on rubbish just because they do not put on weight.

Goodynuff · 08/03/2011 06:52

We went through almost the same thing. A girl from upstairs would come over as soon as my DCs were home from school, and always with a hunger on. I found out, through talking with my DCs, that she wasn't allowed to eat after school at home, as her family had dinner early. Her DM doesn't bake (she is going to school and has 4 DCs) so she would show up at ours, looking for whatever had just come out of the oven. Eventually I told her that she had to wait until after 5 o'clock to come over, as we were usually busy right after school. Once the baking was "off the table" her visits dropped of dramatically Grin

savoycabbage · 08/03/2011 07:07

I don't feed my children between their meals on a regular basis. So if we are at someone elses house and their child has a biscuit, then my dd will get one too. But if they are at my house, then they wouldn't be getting a biscuit.

It's your house, the other mother can't really be telling you that her dd can come to yours but not eat. It's socially awkward! You need to decide times that they can see each other, or do like ragged says and tell her that you are going to offer her the same as your dd.

gallifrey · 08/03/2011 12:41

We don't eat until late anyway, I like to wait until my hubby comes home and we all sit down together and eat our evening meal, so for my child to eat something after school won't interfere with her appetite for dinner.

I don't really want to give her (next door's child) something and then she doesn't eat her dinner that would be annoying for them!

However when she is at my house all day I don't mind giving her lunch and drinks etc but it's very annoying when she comes straight round here wanting to be fed. I do say no to her when this happens, but it's still very awkward when my daughter is hungry and wants something to eat.

OP posts:
Carrotsandcelery · 08/03/2011 12:46

I would impose a rule that your dd is to be in the house for half and hour before she has a friend round to play. That allows time for your dd to have a sandwich, fruit, treats etc before her friend appears. It also means you get to see her and hear about her day before it is all forgotten in after school play.
You have to be very careful with neighbours children popping round a lot, even if they do get on brilliantly. You have to reserve some time that is family time only. Gradually impose a few gentle rules and regulations to preserve some of your family life.

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