hello
ive namechanged for this.
i have a friend who i met about a year ago. at first we met up every few months and then more often, and then i invited her to come to a playgroup with me and now we see each other there every week. now though on top of that, every week she asks me to meet up with her and do something.
the trouble is i don't want to do that. one, becausethere are very few people i would want to meet up with that regularity (bearing in mind i see her every week anyway)! two, because i am now getting very busy with other commitments and also am getting out to see more of my other friends and family.
also the more i get to know her the more i see aspects of her that i don't like, so i cant see us ever being best buddies, just friends.
in terms of me giving practical excuses when i am busy, she's asked me 'when does that finish, maybe you can come round after'. i only have so much energy and cant rush around doing so many things in a day, especially with a 9mo and a house to look after!
i need my own space. i don't want to feel like i have to justify my movements to her which is how it feels. i would be happy meeting up once a month say on top of playgroup, but i don't really want to meet up more than that. i don't want to have to keep making excuses, i just want her to get the hint that im happy to meet up but not every week.
its complicated a bit more by the fact that we're both getting friendly with another mum in the playgroup now. so i think my friend feels bad maybe when they're meeting up, ie that she feels obliged to invite me. when really, i don't mind if they both meet up without me sometimes, id be quite happy with that as i know my friend then has the friendship she seeks (as i do want the best for her) but i also have my space.
i recognise its definitely a personality thing in me rather than anything bad in her (i know shes just being friendly after all) but i have always avoided being a part of a clique that always has to do everything together, from school, uni, to work and to now. but ive always found it hard to create that healthy distance that i need.
how can i get her to back off but still remain friends?
i was thinkging of having a general 'im really busy nowadays' type of conversation with her, explain that im seeing more of other friends and have other commitments and explicitly say that i'm not avoiding her but i can't always meet up as i need to see others too (not sure how to phrase the last bit). would it sound odd to actually say i need my space??
please help, its starting to get me down as i feel like i'm always making excuses and now (only momentarily) i start to dread going to playgroup for worry about being asked to meet up yet again.