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Original poster

Very weird situation with another mum at school

24 replies

housesuit · 12/02/2011 21:04

To cut a long story short, I was approached by a mum at school and she asked if she could borrow some money from me. The amount was 40p. I don't know this mum other than nodding terms and didn't at the time know her name.

She said she was desperate and had to make up the money to put some gas on her card. OK no problem what's 40p and sometimes you do find yourself short by a silly amount. Fast forward two weeks and she FOLLOWED me half way home with our children and asked again if she could borrow some money (this time for food). Again it was a ridiculous amount £4. She promised to pay it back and that was the last I saw of it.

I had kind of forgotten about it and made a note that if she asked again I would say no. However it transpires today that she owes over 10 other mums money ranging from silly amounts up to £40 and that she has actually turned up at peoples doors to ask to borrow it. The weird thing here being that she doesn't know these people other than that their children go to the same school.

I was told (no idea if this is true or not) that she is actually using the money for drugs.

If her children are regularly going without gas/elec/food I can't just leave it. But on the other hand she may just be living on the breadline and really does need to borrow money to get by.

WWYD in this situation? If she is using drugs and the kids are going without I feel I should report it, but would hate to do so if its just idle gossip.

OP posts:

eviscerateyourmemory · 12/02/2011 21:08

I would stop giving her money. If you feel the need to pass on the information, have you considered telling the school, rather than SS? Then the school, knowing more about this womans children, can decide if they want to tell SS.

Original poster

housesuit · 12/02/2011 21:19

Oh defiantly wouldn't tell SS if I was to speak to anyone it would be the school.

And I will not be lending her any more money.

I wanted to see if anyone else felt it was worth reporting really

OP posts:

bigcar · 12/02/2011 21:22

this happened at our school a few years back, turned out to be drugs. It may or may not be for this mum but worth speaking to school.

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Littlefish · 12/02/2011 21:25

I would talk to the headteacher about it. They may well have information about the family as a whole. It's important for them to know about this in order to make a decision about whether further action needs to be taken.

It may seem like a single issue to you, but could easily be part of a wider picture.

bellavita · 12/02/2011 21:26

What Littlefish said.

Tical · 12/02/2011 21:27

I agree. It is worth talking to the school. It could be drugs, but it could be something else - debts with loan sharks etc - so best not to jump to conclusions and flag it up with the Headteacher.

TheSleepFairy · 12/02/2011 21:27

I agree with seaking to the school & explaining what has happened. The school may be aware of the mother.

She must be desperate, for what ever reason.

PonceyMcPonce · 12/02/2011 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

housesuit · 12/02/2011 23:20

I think a word with the head is what I will do. It will put my mind at rest, although I am slightly worried she will just think I am repeating gossip!

OP posts:

CameronCook · 12/02/2011 23:22

Agree with the discreet word with the school

fortyplus · 12/02/2011 23:26

Tread gently. There was a 'weird', needy mum at my boys' primary school. She seemed pretty hopeless - didn't want to help herself iykwim.

I did really try to help her out when her 2 were little - childcare/organising place at play group etc. I heaved a sigh of relief when she moved her kids to another school.

But now I wonder whether we could have done more to help. In the end she committed suicide.

hellymelly · 12/02/2011 23:33

Oh fortyplus that is terrible.How sad.
as to the op,agree it is strange and worrying.I think I would have a chat with teacher/head.She is clearly not in a great state whatever the reason.Do you get a feeling that its drugs from her general demeanor?

Original poster

housesuit · 13/02/2011 20:08

Actually her general demeanor is ok. I don't want to post anything too identifying but she has the physical look of someone using drugs.

The children are quite scruffy, but usually dressed appropriately for the weather etc.

OP posts:

WimpleOfTheBallet · 13/02/2011 20:15

This kind of thing goes on all the time. When I was growing up in the 70s it wass ver normal for some kid to bang on the door wanting 50p for the metre and so on.

It's not right...but you can't report someone for asking to borrow money! Notunless she's doing it with menaces.

Original poster

housesuit · 13/02/2011 20:19

Kids that you didn't know? From parents you don't know? That follow you home from school in the wrong direction?

If it was a mate asking for 50p I wouldn't blink, but a random mum makes me think that she is so desperate she has gone past caring about it being embarrassing for her and the person she is asking.

Either she needs the money that badly for food/gas/elec or she does need it for drugs. Either way doesn't it sound like she needs some help?

OP posts:

WimpleOfTheBallet · 13/02/2011 20:22

Yes....just kids from around the estate. It wasn't only our house they knocked at....come to think of it though this was arund the time the local steelworks shut down..and our Dad was one of the few who had a job...so I suppose it was a community thning...helping one another.
Its very weird of her to ask in the street. But wht can you do?

All you can do is refuse and keep an eye on er....could she be in bad relationship where she is being kept short of cash?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 13/02/2011 20:28

This is sad. Tell the school so they can try and help the kids.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 13/02/2011 21:42

Tondelayo...th OP never said there was anything wrong with the kids did she?? No. So bet not to go running to scchool.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 13/02/2011 22:56

The mum is what's wrong with the kids.

Littlefish · 14/02/2011 10:32

Wimple - if the mum is asking random people for money, then there is something very wrong. Just because this sort of thing happened on your estate in the 70s doesn't make it right. If it's not right, of course you can report it to the school. As I've said before, this may be a small piece of a much larger jigsaw. In almost all the tragic cases of child abuse, the lessons learned were that everyone needs to share appropriate information as it makes a complete picture. One piece of information in isolation may mean nothing.

If she is being kept short of money by someone else, she is being financially abused and this will have a knock-on effect on the children.

If she is using drugs, then this will have a knock-on effect on the children.

I can't see anything in this situation which makes it appropriate to tell the school. Quite the opposite.

hellymelly · 15/02/2011 17:42

littlefish did you mean "not" appropriate? or have I misjudged your post?

Littlefish · 15/02/2011 17:59

Ooops. Yes hellymelly! I meant that the OP should absolutely tell the school - I missed out a "not" or an "in". Thank you for picking me up on that.

Just to clarify - my previous post should have said:

I can't see anything in this situation which makes it inappropriate to tell the school. Quite the opposite.

caughtinanet · 15/02/2011 18:03

Yes, definitely a quiet word with the head teacher. It may be an important part of a jigsaw of information which could lead to the family getting any help they need.

Even if you're the first to raise a concern it can be kept on file for the future.

OliveMalay · 19/02/2011 09:14

If this woman has a possible drug problem or mental health problem then if the school talk to her, perhaps she should be encouraged to visit the GP.

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