Dental phobia

[Dancergirl]

My oldest dd is 9.5. She has always been afraid of the dentist from 2 years old when she said 'no dentist' when we told her we were taking her for her first check up. She didn't even know what a dentist was!

Anyway, last few years have been unbearable for her. Our family dentist didn't help - she's good with younger children but came over v patronising to dd 'your younger sisters can do it'...'come and sit in the magic chair'.....'it won't hurt' etc. No amount of logic will make it any better for dd.

Finally last year we took them all to a specialised children's dentist and after dd ran away and hid in the waiting room, he eventually managed to persude dd to have her teeth looked at in the waiting room (she particurlarly hates the chair). I felt we had a major improvement. BUT, dd will probably need orthodontic treatment at some point in the future and this also terrifies her. She's had one initial consultation with the orthodontist last year - unfortuantely he wasn't so understanding and made dd sit in the chair which distressed her. As far as treatment goes, he wants to keep an eye on things and see her again in 6 months.

I found dd in bed crying the other night and yesterday she wrote me a note to explain. She basically said the whole dentist thing fills her with dread, she's had many private cries in bed at night about it , she hates the chair and the people, and also the thought of wearing a brace terrifies her. And she can't look forward to her birthday in May because the 2nd orthodontist appointment is 2 weeks afterwards.

I am at a loss as to what to do. Should I cancel the May appointment so she can relax and enjoy her birthday? I'm worried that if I do this, it might give her a bit too much control and she can use it to manipulate.

In the meantime, we have appointment in April to see normal dentist for a check up, which I haven't told her about yet.

WWYD?

I'm a dentist, was just wondering how bad her teeth look? Would it really affect her appearance in future if she didn't have ortho? Adult ortho is an ever growing area of dentistry. Personally if I were you I'd forget about ortho and if her teeth bother her in future she can get them fixed as an adult.

They're not too bad, big gaps in the front which she hates. She was being teased on and off at school about the gaps. Maybe the gaps will close up when her other teeth come through...?

I doubt the gaps will close without ortho to be honest. She needs to weigh up her fear of the dentist versus her hatred of the gaps and decide for herself whether she wants the treatment. Quite honestly, and I think your orthodontist will agree, it's not something you can make her do. If she decides not to go ahead now, adult ortho is always an option in future, although it can be costly.

It does seem as though she has a real fear as this has been going on so long. I would let her enjoy her birthday - it's unlikely she is trying to manipulate you through this.
Can you speak to the orthodontist and find out how long you can realistically leave this treatement? If it doesn't have to be done for a couple of years or more then I would stop even talking about it - go to the dentist for normal check-ups, very low key, and see how she feels in a couple of years. By then she may be old enough to make a more informed decision about how much the treatment will benefit her weighed up against the angst it will casue her.

If the treatment can't wait then you could try something like hypnotherapy/relaxation techniques - seperate from the dentist to start with.

I do completely sympathise with her as I don't have a fear of the dentist but I do have a metal phobia and really can't bear to have the tools they use in my mouth.

I have a dd who is scared of the dentist but I have no idea what it is all about because nothing bad has ever happened to her nor has she seen anything. She has never had a filling in her life. She is now 14. When she was 10 or 11 the dentist referred her to ortho as she had impacted canines. She was supposed to get 2 baby teeth removed but when she saw the needle she freaked out and it never happened. One came out by itself and the other needed a bit of help later on. She became of the age when "train tracks" became a fashion statement and being desparate to get them she agreed to the ortho treatment, but wanted to be put to sleep to have 4 adult teeth removed. The dentist refused that but agreed to laughing gas. She succeeded in getting the teeth removed and now has train tracks. I think she only overcame her feer because it was something she wanted, and also at the age of 12 when she had the first treatment she was a little more mature and could be bribed reasoned with.

Thank you for your replies. I have cancelled the ortho appointment much to dd's relief. The ortho treatment isn't urgent - we only went for an initial opinion anyway.

In the meantime I want to try and get dd more used to the normal dentist. He was fantastic with her last time and didn't force her to sit in the chair. So hopefully a couple more appointments with him may make dd a bit more relaxed.

I'm a dental phobe. You absolutely need to find a dentist that specialises in treating phobics, and make sure she knows how to properly look after her teeth (floss, mouthwash, toothpaste, brush types and all)

I'm still looking - last dentist freaked me out completely - it took me 10 years to be able to get into that damned chair, in 30 seconds he had set me back to square one and I've discovered that if the body produces enough adrenaline, even large doses of Valium dont work....

Much better to really gently do things now, with a practitioner that really cares than for her to work around this.

I've been fortunate`that I learned how to clean my teeth properly, which has meant few problems.

U