When plans go awry....

[Earlybird]

perspective needed please:

Plan:

go with dd to friend's house mid-afternoon (after lunch) to visit a casual, new-ish friend and her dc.
While our dds play, we will drink tea and chat - it has been several months since we've seen each other.
We have planned to have an early supper together - friend has offered to cook, and I offered to bring dessert and wine.

Reality:
dd and I arrive at agreed time to find friend has not fed her children, or eaten lunch herself
Friend asks me to ride with her to pick up takeaway for their lunch (dc will stay at home playing with older sibling watching)
Friend and I get in her car - sounds terrible, starts billowing smoke (we discover her car is extremely low on oil).
Friend asks if I can drive her to petrol station in my car to pick up oil, take her to restaurant to pick up food for her dc, and take her to supermarket to shop for food so she can cook the supper she has promised us.
We arrive home from all errands, and friend and I chat while she folds her laundry
Friend begins to prepare supper, and I assist
Friend announces she has to collect her dh from train station, so our early supper will be delayed by an hour.
Friend asks me to drive her to train station in my car to collect her dh, while dc are watched after by the aforementioned older sibling.
We all return home, and finally, we eat.

DD and I head home immediately after, as there is school the next day (hence the original 'early supper' plan).

OK - in this same situation, what would you have done?

hmm not sure.
I wouldn't be very impressed, but she sounds like she's treading water a bit there. Is this normal for her?

She is a creative, artsy type - but I don't think I realised how much her dh does to organise their family life.

TBH, I feel a bit of a mug.

Not sure what you mean by 'treading water'. Can you explain?

i think it's fair to feel exhausted or disappointed at how the day turned out.
put it down to experience.
and if you want to spend proper time with her, invite her round to yours.

someone who is treading water is not doing anything to make progress

to be active but without making progress or falling farther behind

don't visit again without eating first and bringing food with you. make sure you go at the weekend!

i have known people like this and it has driven me insane. what is meant to be a relaxing day turns into an ordeal.

short visits that don't involve meal times usually work, with a back up escape plan if necessary!

She sounds like one of those people who have no clue how much they take advantage of others good nature - oblivious to anything but their own needs. She may be a lovely person but I would certainly be making sure I was never put in this position again.

I think I should have done something to extract myself from the situation as things started stacking up, rather than simply going along with things.

Would I have been out of order to say something like ' look, it seems this isn't a good day for you after all, so let's just postpone to another time'.

DD would have been distraught though - she adores the other girl. We'd both been looking forward to it - but that's not how it turned out.....at least, for me.

Some people are just disorganised...bit naughty to get you to run her to the station etc, because her car was sorted by that time. Maybe she just wanted your company while she went, but that would have been more appropriate in her car. Also, she may not have 'factored' in that she needed to pick up DH, and it would intefere with the day. I don't think I would take it personally, but I would be irritated.

She sounds a bit useless, rather than deliberately needy or manipulative. If that's her usual temperament, then I think you just need to make arrangements that don't give her as much scope for messing you about.

So, say, meeting her at a cafe or soft play, rather than getting caught up in her chaos, if chaos makes you stressed (it certainly does to me!)