peevish kid winding up my ds – stop giving him lifts?

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

A mum from the school who lives a couple of doors down from me has five kids, three of them very young, two of them school-age. She asked me if I would take her two older kids to school and she would pick up my ds for me, to make life easier for her in the mornings.

I took on the arrangement for her, as I like picking up ds (only difficult when I have work on?work from home), and like our time together, but I like to be helpful, so I thought why not?

But her ds is a bit on the peevish side and mine, being siblingless, is very easy to wind up as he's not used to it (eg. boy brings out a toy he's taking to school which ds wants to see, but boy won't let ds see, but does it in a way that is designed to wind up ds, or, calls him names that upset ds ? just general kid meanness).

I keep telling ds to get used to it, he's just trying to wind him up, kids can be like that, when he's like that just ignore it, don't let him see that he's got to you, etc, but this morning ds was in floods of tears having been wound up, just before school.

I do think ds needs to toughen up a bit and have some only-child corners knocked off him by other kids, which happens in school anyway, but I don't know if I want it to happen on the way to school, so that he starts the day in a foul mood. Our car/walk used to be a haven of peace and nice-time.

Would you stop the arrangement? I don't want to upset the other mum. She knows they don't get on that well, so I could just say that while her son, who has siblings, is used to it, it upsets my more sensitive ds and I don't want him to start his day like that. Would that offend you? I just want him to start the day positively.

bumping to get back into "Active". Do you ever go a bit air-headed and don't have a clue what to do about everyday things? This usually happens to me around tax-return time.

I'd stop the arrangement. Poor ds shouldn't have to put up with this. :(

I think it must be miserable for your son to spend his "commute" being wound up by an idiot. I wouldn't like it much myself, and would change my own travel plans to avoid it.

So, I'd be tempted to tell the other mum that it isn't working well for you. It's fair enough to have to cope with other children, but cooped up in a car with one who is treating you this way is heavy going.

Thanks coppertop and AMumInScotland. I thought perhaps I was overreacting and treating ds like a PFB only child, but nice to hear confirmation of my gut instinct.

I think I'd stop it as well. The school run is a nice time for you and DS to chat and catch up and it's being spoiled by this other kid.

Thanks Plumm. That's three of you in a row. I think I'm going to go over and tell the mum now...

I don't think it's about having siblings tbh. I have 4 children and would be horrified if they treated each other or anyone else the way your ds is being treated.

Good luck with telling the other mother. I hope the school run gets back to being peaceful again asap. :)

Agree with coppertop, I have three and I wouldn't be happy with this kind of behaviour from mine to sibs or other kids.

I definitely think that the walk to school should be kept as pleasant as possible, it really doesn't make sense for your ds to start every day fed up.

Glad to hear not all siblings are peevish to each other, coppertop and curlyredhead. (And what a glorious coinsidence that two flame-haired-monikered mumsnetters posted in a row!) Yes, we used to have really nice little chats on the way to school, and now the journeys are just stressful for us ? not so much for the others, though!

The other mum was out, so will have to try again later.

The mum took it very well. Phew!

Thanks all.

LOL at the congregation of redheads on your thread. :o

Glad the talk went well. :)

I have a large family.
None of them would, as far as I have experienced, deliberately upset a child on a regular basis.
Part of me thinks - keep going for a defined period of time, say two more weeks. Then see how its going. What I am really thinking is that sometimes, when we give a spin somewhere ot a 'pain in the ass' kid, then I feel that its good to 'model' another way of behaving, so that they learn to behave in a nicer way.

My experience is that some kids only get attention when they are misbehaving, so I try to distract them (being the optimist that I am!) and hope that the bad stuff goes away. However, it depends on how robust your child is. This stuff usually burns itself out, given the right circumstances, and your child will feel fine if he learns to cope with someone deliberately upsetting him. You are really great to do the morning shift (everyone knows this is the hardest of the schoolruns!).