After a cycle of messed up abusive relationships from a young age, i met the devil himself an unpredictable violent
alcoholic disguised as, well, the complete opposite.. being young and nieve back then - i believed he could change
after the cracks started showing in his behaviour during my pregnancy with his child.. (i also had another child
from a teenage pregnancy that wasnt his living with me)Things deteriorated and he became abusive in every way
possible and police were called after my neighbour heard him shouting and smashing up my house.A referral to social
services was made and a family support worker assigned, they encouraged us to stay together but for him to seek
support ie. drinks councelling, aa, support through probation. After our baby was born the violence grew, he
stole money, threw away our babys clothes smashed up her crib, was physically violent to me and after more police
refferals and then child in need meetings in place i found the strength to leave him. He would then terrorise my
home ripping the fuse out so we had no electricity, breaking in smashing windows.. The children became subject to
a child protection plan. He persistantly harassed me. The police were useless almost laughing at the situation
everytime they were called out - making light of the situation and how scared i was for me and my children. The
police were called out, quite often not by me but by concerened neighbours. I was scared to call the police as
i knew it would go down as an incident and go against me as a protective mother in social services eyes, even
though i had no control over him breaking in or harassing us in the street or shouting abuse. I was as protective
and sheltering as i could be - looking at ways to move away - asking for support from my gp, ss, hv, the police,
my landlord to try to move us to a different council property. (in the end i moved privately, as the council was
no help at all) And then finally after my ex was sent to prison for abh against me (he got a poxy 3 months for a serious crime)
finally social services began to be satisfied that i no longer wanted or was involved in a relationship with him. They asked me
to attend a course to deal with the after effects of dv and the children, particularily my eldest
had groups and courses set up for her to deal with the 'emotional harm'.. The course was hugely benificial to me
- highlighting patterns other people had played down to me. My mother who knew full well the dynamics of my
relationship with my ex thought 'i gave as good as i got' and blamed me for near-on everything. She herself
having divorced my alcoholic father only in later years. Believing and telling all the family it was me that
made him an alcoholic and my fault for their split - as my ex and my dad became best of friends. Despite my
dad witnessing my exs violence towards me. Social services involvement was overwhelming and i felt i was being
torn apart, under the microscope, blamed for not doing more but all the time i had had my confidence and spirit
slowly chipped away at that at times i was on pure auto pilot just to care for the kids and try to minimise the
impact on them..which is why at times i had turned to my mother to watch the kids a day or two a week of which she was
happy to do so. But then it was her calling social services with any whim or disagreement she had with me.
Dramatising every little thing, trying to build up a picture to all that knew me that because i had social services
involved in my life i was harmful or neglectful. Her either ignorance or hatred of me and her lies turned my own
brothers and sisters against me. She would call up my friends to say i was neglecting my children. She would call
social services to say i was drinking, i was with lots of men. Anything to make me look horrific.. Social services
then identified mine and my mothers relationship as being harmful to the children and pre-care proceeding
meetings took place and a review stratedgy meeting. They advised i limit the contact between my mother and the
children which i did. The kids adored my mother as there were no rules in her house and she would give them
sweets every time they played up to quite them. She would also openly critisize me and my parenting to and infront of the children.She would quite happily spend her days character assasinating me i think. I felt so frustrated and alone amd persecuted. Then a little
while later i met my now fiance, different from the types of men i'd known. Just very normal and respectful and
loving, he had a child from a previous relationship he has regular contact with. He has been a great positive
influence on the girls and is very family orientated. Which was all i ever needed and i am now 10 weeks pregnant
with our child. The problem is although social services have said they can see the positive changes and progress
that has been made and how great the children are excelling at school and nursery but yet my mother still
regularly calls them with complaints recently even calling the police on me while i as suffering with phenomonia
and early pregnancy sickness claiming i had pushed her over in her house. - An out right lie - and yet because
i became argumentitive with the police over it the referall they made to social services was in my mothers favour
(- all though there were no charges or arrests.) I feel that she is and most probably always was abusive towards
me. Currently i am not allowing her to see the children at all as i feel she is a liability and working against
the progress i am trying to make. The children ask after her and i dont know what to say. All my family have
turned against me siding with my mother and luckily my partner hasnt believed the outragious things she has said about me to him..
What is the answer here?? Can i really cut my mother out entirely and what is best for the children??