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Original poster

How to get out of a party invite..

25 replies

madhattershouse · 27/12/2010 01:44

For 2 years my dc has gone to a party at a nature reserve in December. This year really took the biscuit as they were outside for 2 hours in sub-zero temps (they looked like they were about to pass out and threw up when they got home). Without being rude how do I get them out of it next year? Only 5 of the invited 15 turned up as they are all realising how bad these parties are..how do you deal with being the last rat to leave a sinking ship? Mum is always friendly and I will be at the school gates wit her for another 7 years...get out plan needed but in a nice way!!

OP posts:

BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster · 27/12/2010 01:47

You should give her some examples of other places to have the party and see if she takes the hint.

Original poster

madhattershouse · 27/12/2010 01:56

Most of the other parents book one of the local halls or one of the ...dare I say it...soft play areas. She is so into this "different" party but it's just too cold, add to that, that last year she insisted that a bag of crisps was for 2(or in 1 case 3) to share. Dc came back hungry and cold! We are not out in the back of beyond and all other parents have parties loclly...this venue is the furthest away and was shut the day before the party as the road was impassable! I hate fobbing people off but can't see how not to as she obviously is dead set on her venue of choice.

OP posts:

werewolf · 27/12/2010 02:06

Can't you simply say to her - nicely - that your kids won't be doing an outside party in December again as it made them ill?

Original poster

madhattershouse · 27/12/2010 02:11

Hmm.. just sounds like a fob off. I don't want to get on her bad side as my youngest starts school this sept with her younger dc. How can you say (nicely) that going to the party made my dc physically sick?? It is so difficult to phrase.

OP posts:

werewolf · 27/12/2010 02:17

Well, it's true, so it probably wouldn't sound like you're fobbing her off.

Besides, better she thinks that, than your children are ill again.

Dansmommy · 27/12/2010 02:18

Well, make it about the weather, in general. Say 'I can't believe how cold it's been, you won't be able to risk an outdoor party at this time of year again, will you? And to think, December's usually milder than the rest of the winter months!' Say it with a smile on your face, as if only an idiotg would disagree!

Original poster

madhattershouse · 27/12/2010 02:24

I totally get your points..I just hate feeling like this..we had to take one of the other children to the party as no-one wanted to drive in this weather..she was so happy she said we had "saved" the party! She seems oblivious to the fact that no-one wants to go!

OP posts:

werewolf · 27/12/2010 12:38

So it's not so much a question of etiquette, but that you don't want to stand up to her?

ShoppingDays · 04/01/2011 21:00

Buy thermal underwear, microwaveable pocket warmers and the like?

madamh · 13/01/2011 20:48

"She seems oblivious to the fact that no-one wants to go!"

That just means that someone needs to tell her. I'm with werewolf on this... and you don't have to be nice, although being honest and polite isn't rude or nasty.

Catsmamma · 13/01/2011 20:51

Just decline the invite

"No" is the word you are looking for

Maybe along with a "we have something else planned, sorry"

clam · 13/01/2011 20:52

Why would being outside make them throw up?

Although I can totally understand why you wouldn't be impressed with the nature reserve in any month, let alone December!

IAmReallyFabNow · 13/01/2011 20:53

Er, say you have a prior engagement.

TheCrackFox · 13/01/2011 21:03

I would just tell her the truth (nicely) that she would get a better turn out if she booked a venue that is warm.

IAPJJLPJ · 15/01/2011 17:40

does the birthday child enjoy the party?

BluddyMoFo · 15/01/2011 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newpup · 15/01/2011 18:14

just say you can not make it this year as you have...... a family get together, tickets to see a pantomime, guests to stay, other commitments.

Louii · 15/01/2011 18:19

Confused as to how being outside made them sick? Do they not go out and play in the snow etc?

Choufleur · 15/01/2011 18:20

Just say you're busy.

TheMonster · 15/01/2011 18:22

Sounds like a fun party to me. My DS doesn't mind being out in the cold so he'd love it.
I don't see how being outside made your children puke, though.

FakePlasticTrees · 15/01/2011 20:02

I know DCs who when they get too cold for too long, get sicky.

You either have to say as soon as the invite arrives "sorry, we have other plans" and hope you've got your decline in before the others next year, so you aren't the last rat out of the sinking ship. Or you can just say you are declining as your DCs got very cold last year and felt ill afterwards, and while this is a good party for other DCs, yours just aren't suited to an outdoors party in December.

ILovedYou · 16/01/2011 21:50

Say ooh they were ill after the party

tis december has been much colder than ever

next year i if the outside temp is as low, they won't be going to the party, sorry as advised by our GP

Greeninkmama · 22/01/2011 21:28

I turned down an outdoor December party on the grounds that my DCs had weak chests and had been ill a lot in the preceding weeks. It wasn't a problem.

snice · 22/01/2011 21:30

There's an ETIQUETTE topic!!!! Who knew!

rookiemater · 23/01/2011 21:40

From an etiquette perspective all you can do is decline the invite when you receive it.

It is not your job to tell her where she can hold her DCs party, but hopefully she might get the hint if everyone says no.

Equally your DCs should not have to suffer from her choice of venue, you are perfectly entitled to turn down an invite without having an alternative plan in mind. If she asks then you could say that the venue didn't suit your DCs at that time of year and if you feel the need to expand then go for Fakeplastictrees lines. Such a shame for her DCs.

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