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Dreading old friend's visit!

5 replies

sooze41 · 25/11/2010 13:53

I have a friend who i've known for 20 years, she lives miles away but visits a couple of times a year when she's seeing her brother nearby. Over the past few years she's become more obsessed with her looks, having gone on a diet, had her teeth done, and had minor plastic surgery. This is fine, whatever floats her boat, but she is very judgemental about other people's looks and weight, and I've found myself dreading her visits because I know the first thing she notices is whether i've gained weight/lost weight/got more grey hairs! She makes me feel really inadequate because it's her main topic of conversation - I have many very attractive friends who don't make me feel inferior like she does, and I really don't enjoy her company anymore. The question is, do I be honest with her when she calls to arrange the yearly Christmas visit, and tell her how she makes me feel, try and avoid her calls, or just put up with it?!

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 25/11/2010 13:57

tell her you are busy!

sooze41 · 25/11/2010 14:05

Good plan but they tend to stay in the area for a week or more over Xmas...there's only so many excuses I can make. I am very tempted to be brutally honest and tell her she's a self obsessed bore these days!

OP posts:
coatgate · 25/11/2010 14:28

Sounds dreadful. Breaking a friendship off is very difficult. Can't you discuss it with her when she comes - have a few bevvies and a heart to heart. A bit like breaking up with a chap. Only worse. I do feel your pain - I have had to break off a couple of friendships over the years with people who just dragged me down, or bored me rigid. I was a coward though and just did not answer the phone to them........

Maybe when she does phone say something along the lines of "Are you sure you really want to come as I am not sure you enjoy my company anymore, as you do nothing but criticise and find fault".

Or meet up with her and arrange for someone to phone you with an emergency requiring your attention, 10 minutes after you have arrived.

Or go on a diet, get your hair coloured, buy some new clothes and go wow her Grin

sooze41 · 25/11/2010 16:18

(grin) that made me chuckle! But the very point is i don't want to have to diet/dress to impress her, i'd prefer her to like me as i am. I'm actually quite confident about my looks- it's only her that seems to make me feel inferior cos i'm not a perfect 10 and wrinkle free :-/

OP posts:
ShoppingDays · 03/12/2010 21:08

She sounds insecure. Have her over, and ask her what's really behind her need to concentrate so much on appearances.

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