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headstones

5 replies

nubbins · 15/11/2010 10:27

My Dh's grandparents died over ten years ago, there was a funeral and burial but no headstone has ever been put in place because his uncle says he isn't ready to deal with it. DH's mother very much wants to get it sorted, but doesn't want to upset her brother so will not go ahead without his involvement.

My DH (and all the other grandchildren) are considering doing it without consulting their parents. It seems awful that the grave is unmarked.

I don't even know who's permission you need to have to erect one, or how to go about it. It is difficult to make enquiries because it's a small town and we don't want to cause friction if word gets out via the town gossips!

what do we do? forge ahead or wait until those standing in the way have passed too?

OP posts:
Wordsonascreen · 15/11/2010 10:35

Do not do it on the sly
Speak to his Uncle again.

catinthehat2 · 15/11/2010 10:37

CAn you run that by a funeral director in your locality (or a bit further away) surely they will know. And I would think they are likely to be the souls of discretion in that line of work.

SoupDragon · 15/11/2010 10:37

I agree.The uncle needs to be part of this.

To be honest, if he's not ready to deal with it after 10 years, he needs counselling to help him.

AMumInScotland · 15/11/2010 10:38

I'd say DHs mother should just go ahead and do it - she has as much right as her brother. She could just email him to say "I'm planning this wording -.... - let me know if you'd like to suggest any alterations". Then if he doesn't feel able to "deal with it" he can just ignore it and the wording will be her choice. As long as she goes with something "fair" to both sides of the family, there;s no reason for it to become an issue.

nubbins · 15/11/2010 12:20

mmm, perhaps then, one last email to say 'i am going to get it done and would love your input, but if you don't feel you can be involved thats fine. If you have any requests then let me know by xxx as I will be making a decision by yyy'

As much as it is awful to do it without DH's uncles permission, it is just as bad for the rest of the family going to visit an unmarked grave. The money isn't the issue btw, and I can't see him wanting councilling unfortunately, though I have a feeling it would help in so many area's of his life.

thanks for the thoughts

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