Should we go ahead with the adoption?

[sonnyday]

I married a South American when I was 23, we had a child and but split up while I was pregnant. He stayed her in the UK until she was 6 months but then returned home and hasn't seen, spoken to or had any contact with her since. When she was 18 months I met a fantastic guy, fast forward 4 years and we are now married with a son and another baby on the way. My daughter has called him Daddy since we found out I was pregnant with DS1 and he obtained parental responsibility for her through the court while I was pregnant with DS1. We have a really great family life and earlier this year felt the next logical step would be for DH to adopt DD so he would be her legal father. It meant contacted DD's biological father who had the nerve to say no he wasn't happy with it to go ahead - he's had no contact with her at all since she was 6 months old - so we decided to give him a chance. That was 6 months ago and we haven't heard a peep from him. We have decided to carry on with teh adoption but are concerned about whether we are doing teh right thing for DD, in the sense that perhaps we should wait until she is older and can be part of the decision (she's 5 and a half now). On teh other hand this could be a lot of pressure to put on her though, to make her'decided' or 'choose' and we wonder whether it might be best to go ahead now. Either way we will always make sure she knows the full story and if she wants to contact her birth father or his family we will help her fully, we just feel she deserves to have a 'real' (i.e. legal) father in her life as she grows up. I would be interested to hear some of your views, thanks

Yes do it, least if (heaven forbid) anyhting happens to you she'll stay with Step dad :)

Arghh, sorry just read that back, full of typos!!

I agree with lisad - go ahead with the adoption and give your DD a proper father who cares about her, and the law recognises as such. Her birth father clearly doesn't care, despite all the chances you've given him, and it's better to do this now while she's still young enough not to have to be involved, than complicate things by waiting until she's older.

BTW, your DH sounds like a great guy, and your DD is very lucky to have such a brilliant new dad.

adoption is a big piece of legislation that can never be undone.

ultimately it is not your decision as the courts and guardian will make the decision for you.

difficult to decide whether to legally wipe all paternal identity, rights and entitlements out of a childs life forever!

I know it's a major thing. The report social services has had to make is advising in our favour and they said it is very very likely the court with agree to it.

If he lived here in the UK it might be a different story but I can't see him wanting to return here and fulfill the role she needs a father to play in her life, even if he did decide to have contact with her it would still be possible, we wouldn't stop him. He has also been in prison on drugs offences since we broke up, which worries us.

I think you owe it to your daughter to ensure she has stability and certainty, were anything to happen to you. So to me, that means adoption, so she'll stay with her siblings and your DH (her non-biological father). It also means your DH's parents are her legal grandparents.

The alternative is to not go ahead and leave her at risk of being 'claimed' by her father and taken away from her siblings and stepfather.

And you have the objective view if the court to rely on, you can ask them and they decide in your DD's best interests.

My dad adopted me in this way, and I am so glad that he did. I have no idea about the legal shennigans that went on (I was 4 at the time), but it means a lot to me that he is legally, as well as actually, my father.

Ditto. My dad adopted me when I was 4. He is my dad, it was the right thing to do. I've never met my biological father.