16 yr old wanting to stay at friend's house... WWYD?

[lollipopshoes]

Friend is (we think) in an abusive relationship, he shows all the classic signs of being a controlling, violent abuser and dd's friend has had some unexplained bruising - even when asked straight out.

Have told dd that she can't stay at this friend's house overnight because I am not happy about her being around this bloke and she appears to accept this.

She has just asked me if she can stay there on Tuesday night as the boyfriend won't be there. My instinctive answer is still no but she has asked me to ask the MN jury whether she should be allowed to stay overnight at her friend's house?

Am trying to balance not being overprotective with not allowing her to put herself in a dangerous position that she may struggle to cope with.

tia

The friend is older, yes, and lives with the boyfriend? I think if I was concerned I'd offer to have the friend for a sleepover that night at my house.

sleepover at our house not possible because of other sibs, dp's work pattern etc.

Ah, I see. And how old is the friend?

Same age as dd.

The friend still lives at home with her parents but the boyfriend is often there.

It's not so much the staying over - she'll be in the house with parents etc, it's more the going out beforehand that bothers me (iykwim)

If the parents are there and they are staying at the house, could it be dangerous? If your daughter was to phone you to pick her up, would you be able to leave the house and get her?

Without knowing all the details it's just impossible to say. And you do know all the details, and your instinct is saying no...

she says that they're planning to stay in all night with the parents (but she would say that, wouldn't she!)

May be able to get out to pick her up if she phones - dp's job means he's often on call and he may be in but he may also have been called out which would mean I would have no car and no babysitter for dd2 and ds.

You're right, my instinct says no but I need some MN wisdom to tell me whether I'm being overprotective and a bit daft or whether, at 16, she can make her own decisions based on her own knowledge of the situation - she does know what this bloke is like and she thinks everything'll be okay (but she doesn't have the experience I've got of everything not being okay!)

thank you. You've picked up on some of the things that are bothering me without me being aware of it - yes, if they can't protect their own daughter from this man, how can I expect them to protect mine! Yes, I know that was a totally unreasonable comment and I don't know the ins and outs of their relationship with him, but that's my gut instinct.