shopping trip

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

DD(12) has made special friends with a child of her age - they are inseparable, have a lot of fun together. The other girl is lovely, always welcome at our house and great company.

My issue is that this other girl is quite wealthy, and we are not. They are a generous family and have included DD on theatre trips, days out etc. We do reciprocate by including the child in things we are doing - but we do not spend a lot of money.

The girls have an INSET day coming up and DD has been invited to go shopping with her friend. Shopping is a hobby for them!

I don't know what to do - I can afford to give my own DD some spending money, but only £25 or so. Don't want to stop her going but am embarrassed that she will either a)feel like the poor relative or b)the other family will feel obliged to buy her lots of stuff.

Your tips would be welcome, lovely MNers.

Speak to the friend's mum and agree a spending limit in advance. Even though they are wealthy they probably want their DD to appreciate the value of money.

They can then have a little competition to see who can get the most for their money

Give your DD what you can afford and don't feel embarassed! There will always be people around with more money - that's just part of life. Also good for girl from wealthy family to understand that others have less money than she does. Don't see that the other family necessarily will feel obliged to buy your DD lots of stuff, but if they do, that's their choice.

I agree with nonickname, just because they are going on a shopping trip it doesn't mean that they will buy her something.
They could just be going for house things and take the girls for lunch!
I would give your daughter spending money- but only for something that she really needs (a new cardi or a tshirt etc.)

Just because somebody is wealthy it doesn't mean that they spend recklessly.

IMHO I would be quite insulted if you were to 'cap' what I was allowed to spend on your dd. It implies a certain thoughtlessness.

I would accept any gifts with good grace. They will be only too aware that you cannot afford to reciprocate but Im sure if your dd were to write them a quick letter to say thankyou for a lovely day and for xxx(whatever item) that it would be greatly appreciated.

All good advice. We are not particularly wealthy but we get by. DD has friends now (and in the past) who were spectacularly rich. None of them made her feel the poor relation or sneered because she didn't/doesn't wear designer clothes.
IIWY, i would give her what you can afford and ask her to buy something sensible. There really isn't any point in trying to keep up with the Jones' IME.

"I can afford to give my own DD some spending money, but only £25 or so." I 'd have thought that's more than enough for a 12-year-old to blow on a shopping trip that's just for fun and to fill an Inset day (or am I just mean?)

£25 a lot for a 12 year old. My DD, 11, has just started going on shopping trips with her friends and all they buy is tat and sweets! If there's a particular thing which she needs and which you were going to buy her anyway she may enjoy buying that herself, but otherwise no need to go OTT with the money - part of the treat for your DD will be spending the day with her friend.