Would you leave DCs and DH for a week when your DSis gives birth?

[ttalloo]

My DSis, who lives abroad, is due to give birth in six weeks' time, and I really want to visit her for a week when she does to help her and to see my new niece or nephew.

This means leaving DH to manage with DS 1 (3.7 yrs) and DS 2 (nearly 2), but with the help of his parents and my mother, all of whom live within a 10-minute drive.

DH doesn't want me to go - he says he won't be able to cope, even with help, the boys will suffer without me, and anyway my Dsis will manage and my priority should be him and the boys. He says that DS2 didn't handle it well when I was away for three nights in the summer for work (DS1 was fine), but DS2 will be six months older by the time I go, and in any case, I don't see why it's OK for me to go away for work (which DH supports) but not to go away for the sake of my DSis.

I don't think he's being fair to my DSis, who has a devoted DH, but no other family where she lives apart from her BiL and SiL, to whom she's not close, and her MIL, who's lovely, but lives a plane ride away. As our mother can be quite difficult and is still umming and aahing over going, it's especially important that I go.

My mother and ILs don't think I should, and should put DH and DSs before my DSis, but my friends all think I should go. I don't think the DSs will be traumatised by my absence for a week, but DH is making me feel extremely uncomfortable with my decision, hence this post.

So, what would you do?

Yes I would do it. It will open his eyes and he mgiht appreciate you a lot more when you get back! He can do it right?! You do it without ringing his mtoher I'm sure.

DO it. GO!!!!

I would do it. No question.

Yes, valiumsingleton I do look after them by myself when DH travels, without ringing for help! And I do think that this is more about DH not wanting to be left looking after them 'on his own'. But when he guilt trips me about the DSs I feel dreadful.

Tell your husband that you can't face the next 20 years of being the ONLY one who can look after both kids on his/her own. He's got to be able to step up to it as well, and yes the kids are young, but the worst that's going to happen is that he'll have to sit down and do lego/play dough with them, and yeah it's a bit boring, and a bit stressful when they're fighting, but he CAN do it, it's not rocket science, he just doesn't relish the prospect. And who could blame him, I baulk at looking after my own two kids!! but you can't not be there for your sister because he can't grit his teeth and look after his own two kids.

My x was really horrible to me (not comparing your husband to my x!) but he used to sulk when I went out, for a night or once when I went to a wedding, a 60th (overnighters), but I always knew he would, and could, look after the kids. so I went anyway, sulking regardless.

Thanks for the support, valium!

DH helpfully suggested I take one of the DSs with me, which rather defeats the object of going to help my DSis (ooh, sorry, I can't do anything for you, I'm looking after my own child!), so he might be half-way to accepting that I'm going on my own. Still another 6 weeks to get him used to the idea!