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Original poster

No-children wedding and the breastfed baby

12 replies

SuiGeneris · 17/09/2010 17:41

We have been invited to a wedding, invitation says that the venue is unsuitable for children, so please not to bring any. Our baby will be 9 months by then and during the time of the wedding he is due to have 2/3 breastfeeds and a solid meal. Although baby would be fine drinking expressed milk, I won't be- miss a feed and I get blocked ducts pronto. Don't really fancy spending 2*45mins in the loos attached to the milking machine. What on earth are we supposed to do??

DH knows the couple better than me, so I could just not go, but I think it would be rude. Then again it is inconsiderate to ask people to come without children, I think. The only option I can think of is that I miss the first part of the events, join him after the first BF, grandparents give solids and then bring DS back for his last feed, but this seems a lot of faffing about for a small baby and needs me to wear something that allows breastfeeding, as well as find a suitable breastfeeding place in this child-unfriendly venue.

Or call the couple, explain about breastfed baby and ask if I can bring him. Surely that would be fine?

OP posts:

SparklyJules · 17/09/2010 17:45

To be honest, I'd not go. Too much faffing around trying to find a solution.

RSVP with a short note explaining that your DS is BF and unable to be left with sitters all day, be short, to the point and polite about it.

I don't think it is inconsiderate to ask people to come without children, it is their wedding day after all, but you don't have to attend if this is a problem - it's an invitation not a summons!

NoahAndTheWhale · 17/09/2010 17:45

I would probably not go.

How long is it until the wedding - how old is your DS now?

BertieBotts · 17/09/2010 17:50

If they don't have children they probably just won't have thought about the logistics with breastfeeding. I imagine they just think it's as simple as giving the babysitter a bottle to give him, they won't have thought about you getting engorged etc.

So it depends how much you want to go and how well you know them as to whether you explain or just let your DH go without you.

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Original poster

SuiGeneris · 17/09/2010 17:51

I would not mind not going, but DH is keen to go and it would spoil it for him to have to go alone I think...

Baby is nearly 8 months now...

OP posts:

ApplesandBananas · 17/09/2010 18:01

Give them a call, say you are very sorry that you won't be able to make it as you have to BF at x times, but your DH will come alone. They may (but don't expect it) say to bring your baby along.

Tbh, it wouldn't have occurred to me, pre-DCs, that a mother of an 8 month old would have a problem leaving it, they just won't understand it until/unless they have their own.

Or could you just pop along for the evening bit once DS is in bed?

Francagoestohollywood · 17/09/2010 18:03

How can a venue be unsuitable for a 9 months old baby who doesn't really walk around alone?
I wouldn't go if you have to spend lots of time tied to the milking machine.
Or, hang on, I'd go and express in front of everyone [evil cackle]

TheCrackFox · 17/09/2010 18:07

I wouldn't go unless they were very , very good friends.

megonthemoon · 17/09/2010 18:11

It is entirely your choice whether you go for some/all/none of it - no choice is unreasonable - but I just wanted to let you know how I managed this as it may not be quite as difficult or time confusing as you think.

I went to a no children wedding when DS was only breastfed - aged 5 months so not even on solids. Grandparents gave him a bottle (he had always been happy taking one). I expressed enough not to feel uncomfortable rather than trying to express a full feed so that the expressing sessions were shorter than normal - I figured my supply was so established by then that not expressing full feeds wouldn't cause huge supply issues just for 8/9 hours an trusted that expressing off some milk would stop me feeling too engorged. And then while DH drove home, I did a proper expressing session in the car, and then I gave DS a mammoth night feed.

It was fine. DS was fine. And I surprisingly actually really enjoyed the wedding and loved having a bit of time to just me and DH with our friends :)

Although you say you get blocked ducts if you miss a feed, so are understandably nervous, have you tried expressing say only half a feed to see if that still causes the problem? It might be worth trying that at home first to see if you can manage like that. That then might make you feel a bit more confident about how you can manage at the wedding.

There's no right or wrong answer here, but if you decide to go it's not insurmountable. You may want to find out if there is a quiet room at the venue where you can express rather than it having to be in the loos, e.g. if it is a hotel one of the guests staying there may let you use their room which is what I did, and at my wedding we had a small room that wasn't officially part of the rooms being used, but DH's elderly nan used it for rests and I think a friend who was expressing used it as well.

Original poster

SuiGeneris · 28/09/2010 18:33

How right you are, Franca!

Thanks everybody for your thoughts on this- it is reasssuring to hear I am not a complete loony for thinking of not going.

Update: went for Applesandbananas' approach, asked DH to call his friend and explain that he would be going but I regretted that I could not because baby would have three feeds during the period of the festivities. We half (well, 3/4) expecting to be told that a breastfed baby would be fine, but no. Apparently letting one bf baby attend would be opening the floodgates, so now DH is stuck going on his own to a wedding where he only knows bride and groom... Their party, their choice, but

OP posts:

Gracie123 · 28/09/2010 18:40

We had a similar situation where we were unable to attend a wedding recently because it was no children and my youngest DD was only 3 and a half weeks old at the time.

I understand that they don't want loads of kids at their wedding, so we just informed them that if we couldn't bring the baby (obviously get a sitter for older kids) we wouldn't be able to come. The couple were mortified, but stuck to their guns that it was a no children wedding. I was actually quite impressed.

We caved and let a few people bring kids to our wedding (we were only 20 - genuinely hadn't realised how inconvenient it was for people with babies ) and it did offend those who had got babysitters.

mamas12 · 05/10/2010 23:29

Are you in a position to invite them to yours for an evening or daytime event and then proceed to carry on and bf in front of them all the while not mentioning it just showing them how normal it all is.
Could change their minds?

Unprune · 05/10/2010 23:31

I think you did the right thing
The bride and groom are right about it offending people if one baby is 'allowed' to come.
All this sort of shit is why I didn't have a wedding

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