Should I let my ex know we are moving - there is a contact order in place.

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I have had a mediation agreement and then a contact order in place since DS was about 4 for fortnighly contact with his father.

This involved a two hour journey there on a friday evening and back on a sunday evening.

I have always complied with this agreement until about a year ago when DS (10 then)decided he no longer wanted to attend regular contact but would let me know when he wanted to see his Dad so that I could make arrangements.

DS came to this decision after his father had cancelled around 10 out of the last 12 contact sessions, some without explanation.

Since I wrote to his father explaining that DS had developed a social life here and would not want regular structured visits any more (I worded it very carefully and pointed out that I would contact him as soon as DS asked me to arrange a visit) we have not heard a single thing from him, no calls, no Birthday or Christmas cards, nothing.

Everyone who knows us thinks that the continuous trips to court over contact were just bully tactics from my ex and not really about contact with DS. Even the judge eventually told him enough was enough and he could no longer make any more demands as he was already getting considerably more than the average absent father. After that he seemed to lose interest and the cancellations started.

Now I am considering moving house. My ex still has my mobile number and I have no plans to change it. He has already tried to prevent me moving in the past claiming that the move was to get away from him when in fact it was to be able to accept a job.

So here is the question: Would you bother letting him know we are moving or just keep your head below the parapet?

Yes there is a court order still in place but DS is 11 and has decided he doesn't want it, plus his father hasn't bothered to contact him for over a year now.

Oh and as for maintenance - nothing at all.

WWYD?

If he is not obligated by a court order to collect and drop of child at your address. You are under no legal obligation to tell him your new address. You do need to keep a point of contact, via your phone. I know it has been a year in which case he has broken the terms of the order therefore your obligations are only to your child. If ex remembers at some point that he is a parent and wants contact he will have to live by your rules not his. Noone has a right to stop you changing address as long as it's in the same country.

Thanks for your reply angel31dust, I used to meet him part way so no he didn't collect from my house ever.

So its unanimous

Yes, i would bother to let him know.
Regardless of the responsibility he has not taken, he and his kids have a moral right to know where each other are.

No, i would not move my kids far away from their father (unless there were very, very extreme circumstances.

No I wouldn't. He has your mobile number he can call if he wants to. But perhaps you should let the court know? Not sure how you would do that.

Personally I think he has no "moral rights" only responsibilites the same as for any parent. ANd if you live up to your responsibiliteis as parents you get to have some rights.

If your son was interested then I would tell him as he isnt and your ex has a way of contacting you if he wishes then I wouldn't.

Bearing in mind that the court order obliges me to enable my son contact with his father (I'm making this point as a lot of people, my ex included, think that a contact court order gives the father rights to contact, it doesn't if you read it and I have. All the rights are with the child/ren)I think I will keep my head down. DS has dealt with the rejection, it was awful for him and I would prefer not to aggravate things for him and pick old scabs.

If my son asks me to arrange a visit with his father I will contact him through gritted teeth.

Hairytriangle I'm talking about a move of perhaps 5 miles to be nearer DS' secondary school, the distance is irrelevant however, as he still won't know our address unless he calls me.

nope, you don't have to let him kno, he has a right tio knoe where his kids libe but until he wants to know tou have no bligationto tell him.